Itaewon tragedy

Perhaps the one thing I wanted to know about the Itaewon Tragedy is whether there was an organised gathering, a festival or a place where people gather together to have fun of their own accord. Meaning did people flock to Itaewon for Halloween because, at the same time, there was an organized event or did they go there because that was the place to celebrate Halloween.

I have to ponder on this question because it will explain why authoritative efforts to control or disperse the crowd were insufficient, late to almost non-existent.

A group of people wanted to have fun. Then, it became more groups of people having fun. A group of people decided to be mischievous in the name of having fun. Another group wanted to have just a little more alcohol to have fun. However, combining the different traits of the group in a packed area, being stuck, one would have no choice but to follow the rhythm. In a way, this tragedy also made me re-learn not to underestimate the power of hypoxia.

Hypoxia – lack of oxygen

Of how people can gasp for air beside you and you might not know. All of a sudden, the person just collapsed because they could not breathe. Honestly, the sight of seeing bystanders trying to perform CPR in the captured videos caught my attention. Of how short life is. One could have just uploaded themselves on social media showing that they’re having a good time. The next minute, you are on the floor with someone pressing on your chest trying to bring you back to life.

Itaewon is a tragedy because no one would expect so many YOUNG PEOPLE to lose their lives by being in a crowd. Dying not from the sharps of a knife or the impact of a bullet but just by being beside another human being with no weapons.

Forcing friendship

Even in adulthood, we learn new things about friendship.

As a parent, when I visit my own friends or attend any sort of social gathering, I tend to persuade my kids to mix and mingle with my friend’s kids too. Instead of just hugging their dad, attaching themselves to him while I’m having the time of my life catching up with the babes. I didn’t see it as something wrong. I thought it was just a natural thing to do. You know, encouraging the kids to socialize.

Until recently.

Ever since Mother died, Dad has been forwarding pictures of his friend’s kids. At the same time, mentioning facts, that I believe are consciously typed onto Whatsapp to show that we (the kids) have a common interest and that we should be friends too. Like our parents. Honestly, I wasn’t keen on the idea. I didn’t even respond to the fact that we have something in common. To me, it is like, “I’m sorry dad, but no. I do not have the obligation to be friends with your friend’s kids. Even though we are both docs

And then it struck me, my dad’s intention could be purely out of wanting me to socialize. Meet new people. Although it is very uncomfortable for me to do so as an adult. Maybe I just don’t know how to make friends anymore. Or maybe I am now pickier about who I choose to befriend.

In a way, this situation served as a reminder to me that despite my best intentions of wanting my kids to socialize, I shouldn’t also at the same time be too forceful of them being friends. I shouldn’t impose forceful relationships on my children as well. I can make the introduction but I should allow them the freedom and space to choose their own circle of friends and confidantes.

Of Gifts

It seems that the higher you are on the tier of the social ladder, the more people want to gift you things. When in fact, you could actually afford these gifts in the first place. Maybe it is more of the experience that comes with it. The human connection and a web of relationships with benefits.

INFJ – the best time to call me is text message

Despite MBTI being a viral personality test, in psychology, it is not an accepted (scientific) method to measure personality. Even then, it is quite hard to ignore the accuracy of the interpreted traits of an INFJ. I hate to admit that if I were to read the above, they are all true.

INFJ’s may love solitude but I certainly have rich brain activity. I never feel lonely. I love people but I yearn for private space at the same time. I prefer taking the back seat and cheering for my friends instead of being in the spotlight. I love keeping things simple but intricate.

I found some cute quotes too – horribly true though

if you can make it virtual, let’s do that… or an email or something

Source :
https://narrowgaugebooks.indielite.org/book/9781709870019
source : https://www.facebook.com/infjquotesmemes/posts/d41d8cd9/2221306024836417/ ( if I’m not lining up to punch out, that means I had too many people for that week or the week before)
source https://www.pinterest.com/slm2204171/quotes/ (reminds me of the time I went to confront the headmaster of my kids school)
source : https://www.pinterest.com/pin/465278205251941504/ (you have no idea how many I have killed in my mind)
Source : https://www.pinterest.com/pin/506655026829473322/ (this is relevant for my FB posts too)
I have done the disappearing before. when I was single and not married. I drove at night, looking at the lights and ended up checking myself into a hotel. Alone. But content.
Kind of a like a chameleon sometimes…

The ‘out of comfort zone’ effect

When a parent gets pushed out of their comfort zone, often for self-improvement, the effect of that process usually ripples to their partner and children. Or other dependents like their own elderly parents and all. These effects are rarely addressed and acknowledged as the index person’s focus has always been on how much he/she has grown and achieved success.

No doubt, new challenges may harness grit and resilience in children. However, too much of being out of their comfort zone may induce anxiety and emotional instability, especially in cases where the support to guide them through the new experience is inadequate.

For the past few weeks, my workplace has been hyped with the ongoing and upcoming sports event in conjunction with the celebration of Family Day. Honestly, I am not a sports fan, but because of team spirit, I thought I could contribute to certain games. Participating in a sport requires me to adjust my life schedule and inadvertently, I need to reshuffle my kid’s pickup times from nursery and evening school as well. This disrupts their routine.

My concern with this disruption is that I may forget certain things. The worst scenario that comes to mind is that I would forget to pick up my son from evening school if practice ends late. Or forget that my daughter is still at nursery, those sort of things. Therefore, I made it clear that I was only able to commit to participating in 1 sport for the team. And that the kids will be placed at their grandmother’s house in the afternoon until I come. My kids have also been asking for the past week – ‘will mummy be late today?’ on a daily basis because they too wanted to prepare themselves mentally that I will be late for pickup at their grandmother’s place.

I feel that as an adult who is constantly being pushed out of my comfort zone, it is also my responsibility to cushion the rippling effects on my children. That means very minimal changes to their daily routine. This was also the reason why I felt that being in an LDR with my husband is a better option than having to follow him to a different state as my support system here is stronger and well organized. He will have the opportunity to advance in his career whilst the kids are stable with their education needs and social circle. After all, nowadays we can video call and it is possible for my husband to come back home on a weekly basis. It also gives me, the main parent with the kids, peace of mind if mishaps were to happen because I have a lot of people I can ask for help from here than in the state my husband is deployed to.

LDR pushes me out of my comfort zone too but personally, I find that I respond better to challenges that do not affect my kid’s well-being and routine as opposed to the ones that shift the equilibrium of my family time. In fact, I am growing too as a mother. I find that I have become very outspoken on matters that involved my kid’s well-being. This year alone, I have to be vocal with the headmasters of my son’s school over so-called academic decisions which I felt were ridiculous. The first was about the timetable.

The second matter was about the exam schedule of his religious school. I do not wish to elaborate on that part right now because I am still fuming. Gently. Like a pink dragon, harnessing the wrath of minci fury.

Organizations that tend to impose tasks that requires members to be out of their comfort zones must start discussing about . The level of difficulty, the resources to aid the process, and the compromise the person will have to make are compounding factors that will influence the outcome of that challenging tasks. We kid ourselves to think that family is important but how much of that value is incorporated into our work habits? I believe we spend more time at work than at home actually. This is why when it comes to being pushed out of our comfort zones, we refuse to see the effect it has on our children and expect them to just follow along and ‘fit in’. Without a proper plan of action and expectation of how their life will roll in the future.

Kids shouldn’t be ‘unstable’ for an undetermined amount of time. Adults must plan to cushion it out and share the expectations.