Category Archives: Ponderings & Personal Development

Unseen Blessings

Posted in Ponderings & Personal Development by

As a mark of respect, I approached my superior a few months ago to request a particular leave. I wanted to go to Umrah. Knowingly, the date my husband chose for Umrah fell during the Chinese New Year holidays. I was aware that my Chinese colleagues would be taking leave during that time but I thought if I could negotiate in the sense that I would give up my Raya holidays instead, I could go for the Umrah during CNY.

My superior however suggested that I choose a different date instead.
The reason is, it is not about CNY leaves but it is about how much manpower is left to run the clinic with our colleagues going off for the festive season. After relaying the matter to my husband, him being him, decided to proceed with the booking for himself and my son, Ee. Haneem will stay behind to accompany me. Thus, I consoled myself into thinking that ‘Allah belum jemput. Nanti ada rezeki lagi‘.

After a few months, today, I discovered that 2 non-CNY celebrating colleagues had their leaves approved by my superior in addition to those who are celebrating. On the same date that I have requested a few months ago.

I am not going to lie. I felt slighted. I was numb for a while but I still completed my task at work. At the same time, I tried to justify the decision and it came to this. Maybe my request was not approved because my plan was to stretch it out for at least a week after CNY. After all, performing Umrah takes some time. As opposed to my colleagues who are probably on leave for only that one Friday to enjoy a longer weekend.

Yes, maybe that’s the reason why. Sounds just.

Now my hope lies in the ASB Simpan dan Menang contest. If I don’t withdraw my ASB dividend and manage to save RM5K/month till March, I might have a chance to go for Free Umrah. Ha ha ha ha. In the end, I reminded myself that everything happens for a reason, and perhaps this delay is part of a greater plan yet to unfold.

Divorce going public

Posted in Current Events by

When I first came across the news of Cik Epal’s upcoming divorce from her ex-husband, I was taken aback. Cik Epal and Jofliam were often seen as the ultimate power couple in the blogging world. Cik Epal had already made her mark long before Instagram and TikTok became popular, standing out as one of the top bloggers of her era, back when blog-hopping was all the rage. As a reader, I’ve always associated the couple with their luxurious and somewhat open lifestyle. However, this just goes to show that, as outsiders, we can never truly know what goes on behind closed doors.

Earlier, in Fazura’s situation (another public figure), it gives off an impression of neglect, possibly due to her extroverted nature and independent outlook on life. It almost feels like her partner may have forgotten to shower her with the affection and care she deserves as the love of his life. Regarding the nafkah issue, I understand where she’s coming from. While her husband may have fulfilled the obligatory nafkah by providing shelter and food, she seems to long for more thoughtful gestures, like receiving pocket money. Although it’s not mandatory, any wife would surely appreciate the “princess treatment,” especially from a man who earns well through his movies and business ventures. I know I certainly did whenever I received the occasional, unexpected duit raya.

In Cik Epal’s case, I was appalled to learn that the situation involved an extramarital affair between her partner and a co-worker. However, another thought crossed my mind. The next woman in his life would have some big shoes to fill, especially if he still wanted to remain in the spotlight. Cik Epal has been building her brand since her youth, and no amount of fame on Instagram or TikTok could rival the loyal fanbase she cultivated through her blog. In fact, we, her readers, accepted her husband largely because he was Cik Epal’s husband—not because of his own social media presence. Even now, Cik Epal continues to thrive, bolstered by a network of peers within the industry.

When it comes to public figures like Fazura and Cik Epal, divorce often becomes a highly scrutinized affair, especially when children are involved. Beyond the emotional toll, the situation can get increasingly complicated as decisions about custody, co-parenting, and the children’s well-being come into play. The messiness isn’t just about dividing assets or managing public perception—it’s also about ensuring that the kids are shielded from unnecessary drama. For individuals like Fazura and Cik Epal, who have built strong personal brands, navigating these challenges under the public eye adds another layer of pressure. At the heart of it all, however, is the hope that both parents can rise above the differences for the sake of their children, ensuring their needs and emotional security come first.

Finding Joy in Simplicity

Posted in Good Things, Ponderings & Personal Development by

Whenever you reach a stage in your life where money can buy you anything your heart desires, learn to live below your means. So that you will be able to appreciate life and experience happiness in the simplest things.

A few months ago, I had a realization: choosing to spend money lavishly (which I don’t necessarily do) might lead to a lifelong cycle of chasing dopamine highs. For instance, if dining at Secret Recipe becomes just an ordinary meal, the urge to seek out even more upscale restaurants arises when celebrating or wanting a more special experience. Many people my age likely remember a time when KFC was considered a luxury, a treat for special occasions. These days, for most, KFC is simply a convenient way to fill their stomachs, disconnected from the joy of shared moments with loved ones. It’s no longer the rare indulgence or meaningful family experience it once was.

This cycle of seeking greater thrills or pleasure can also explain why some individuals turn to drugs. When everyday activities lose their charm and no longer bring happiness, people may resort to extreme measures to feel something. Or anything. Much like how the joy of simple treats like KFC fades when they become routine, the fulfilment from ordinary joys diminishes, driving some to pursue more intense experiences. Over time, this pursuit can rob them of the ability to find joy in the simple, meaningful aspects of life.

Thus, I’ve made a conscious effort to simplify my lifestyle. I’ve toned down on online shopping, resisting the urge to constantly seek excitement through new purchases. Instead, I’ve focused on cooking more at home, rediscovering the joy and satisfaction of preparing meals for myself and my family. These small but intentional changes have not only helped me save money but also brought a sense of fulfilment that no extravagant splurge could replace. It’s a reminder that happiness often lies in the simple, deliberate moments we create for ourselves.

The power of social media journalists

Posted in Current Events by

The marital dispute involving Zahnita, a former Malaysian model, has recently come to light. After 20 years of marriage, she filed a police report for domestic violence, leading to her husband being detained by the authorities. What saddens me is how popular news portals and social media platforms have chosen to frame the narrative. While it’s understandable that sensational stories drive engagement and shares online, I believe more could be done to educate the public about the broader issues surrounding this case. Better still, they should leave out the children from this. We’ve all been teenagers. We’ve been in that stage of life where we think we know everything. Yet, we should be able to realize that whatever we knew as teenagers was far from the reality of things once we reach adulthood.

For example;

  • A focus on what entails domestic violence (DV). DV is not just physical assaults. Sexual, psychological and financial are also part of DV. However, the public needs to know the criteria of circumstances that qualify for their situations to be perceived as DV. Then, show them the way to how they could get help.
  • Explain what Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is from a medical professional point of view. It’s better than having netizens sharing their opinions on what NPD is based on ChatGPT and then passing it off as their own thoughts. I used to have an opinion of what Personality Disorder is. However, once I learned properly about it, I noted that it was not necessarily Kevin Wendell (from SPLIT). You would need a medical professional trained in Psychiatry to assess and confirm the diagnosis.
  • Single parents and survival strategies.
  • Family counselling therapies. It’s benefits and information about facilities that provide them. People tend to think that counselling is just ‘talking about your problems’. Counselling is a transformative journey of self-discovery and healing, where compassion meets guidance to empower individuals to navigate life’s challenges and embrace their fullest potential.

Instead, we find ourselves reading a teenager’s claim that “nothing happened,” with some people readily accepting her words. In reality, abuse often occurs behind closed doors but can also manifest publicly, including through the psychological torment inflicted via social media. Disagreements in a marriage happen, but to abuse is to betray the very foundation of love and trust that a partnership is built upon.

And now we are talking about pie recipes? Seriously?

My Final Year Project (FYP) for Psychology is complete

Posted in Adult Learning, Ponderings & Personal Development by

When I first started, it was difficult to envision the end. Eventually, I did. All I had to do was take it one step at a time, holding the hand of my supervisor.

I studied motivation among the staff at my clinic. The biggest hurdle when conducting any study at a KKM facility is that I need to get approval from the Medical Research and Ethics Committee (MREC). That means having to set up a National Medical Research Register (NMRR) account and doing another set of study protocols based on what I have already written for Chapters 1 to 3 for my Open University Malaysia (OUM) subject. Once the study protocol was written and the relevant early permission was granted from my superior at the workplace and the district health office, I had to submit these documents to NMRR. I had to revise my protocol and my consent forms twice. It was disheartening at first because I was running out of time. I initially wanted to complete my FYP in 2 semesters, but I do not have control over the technical aspects of other things. This became my second hurdle.

I learned to accept that some things are just out of our control. The things I could control at the time were my reading and understanding of the topic through literature reviews. I also tried my best to perfect my chapters. I used a thesaurus a lot because the words I used were, at times, less academic. Even then, everything just comes together. The ethical approval came just in time when I wanted to start my data collection.

The data collection period was exhausting. I had to transcribe on my own. I had to squeeze in the tasks of analysing, transcribing, and reading the data between the times of the early morning, after work, and over the weekend. Writing up the report was an equally exhausting stage as I tried to make sense of what my results were. It got to the point when my sympathetic responses went into overdrive mode. However, the euphoria of being absorbed in the process and fully understanding what I wanted to achieve kept me going. There were certainly some things I initially overlooked, which just underscores how vital it is to have an engaged SV. I’ve had my sights set on this SV ever since my semester studying social psychology. She was one of the first people I considered when we were selecting our SVs, and it turned out to be an excellent decision. You can genuinely feel the positive energy of an exceptional SV radiating from her. A hallmark of a great SV is her ability to guide me through complex topics, even outside her field, ensuring that external readers can easily grasp the concepts.

Towards the deadline, there was a lot of ping-pong going on with our emails but we persevered. I felt a huge relief when I submitted my report to OUM. On the day itself.

Is this the end of my FYP? Technically yes, but remember the NMRR and MREC I mentioned earlier. Now I have to submit a report to them. I hope I can use my OUM report instead of re-doing it with a different format. I will check on it soon.