Ashik Pangadan’s life is Enough

In a world where leading a luxurious life is deemed successful, you have another world where showcasing a wasatiyyah lifestyle is equally successful. Country life, everyday family life, is slowly creeping into social media as the desired lifestyle. Indeed, I aim for such a lifestyle where wasatiyyah is enough. Of course, going for the occasional overseas trip sounds nice. However, daily living does not need to be aesthetic 24 hours a day.

Ashik Pangadan is quite popular on Threads nowadays for portraying a simple life. Yes, he is a lifestyle vlogger with a manager. It is acknowledged that he earns a living through his media presence. Yet, his life seems attainable. That is to have normal, easy-to-make food on the table, a lovely family, a decent job and the luxury of time to just live life in peace. There’s no pressure to hustle and make your first million in 1 year. He was like this other man I saw on Instagram. An American guy who puts his laptop slowly in his bag and works a regular 9-to-5 job. It was just him driving, working and eating lunch. It was simple. I did not follow his account, but his reels do pop up once in a while. Haven’t seen much of him lately. Maybe it’s because I have been watching too many baking and football videos lately.

Anyway, all of us can have that sort of life, too. The life of having enough. I think I am up to 70% of getting to that state of mind. There are just a few more goals I need to achieve. Mostly finance-related, like loans and stuff. The life of Enough need not be extravagant or packaged in a specific thought. It is ok to have mismatched mugs in the kitchen. A living room that is not Japandi themed. Meals may come from one single pot, served in a free Darlie dish. The wardrobe capsule is not pastel but a mix of black with other colours. That kind of vibe.

My many mind rooms

A Threader started a thread prompting ChatGPT to create a room that represents her current state of mind. I did the same, and ChatGPT came up with this.

It seems that my mind could not be represented with only one room. The thought process is all over the place, with a variety of interests and plans for the future. Best represented by the quote at the corner of this picture, ‘too many tabs, too many dreams’. Ha ha. It is horrifyingly true when it comes to the things I want to achieve in the next 5 years. However, pulling myself back down to Earth, I need to shortlist what I aim to do for the next 12 months.

I like to imagine the good things in life. Some may call it angan-angan mat jenin. The thing is, if you visualise it hard enough, it may become true as you put some effort towards the goals. I know I did when I embarked on my medical school journey. The things I have right now, my career and my family, were only dreams a decade ago. Now I am looking into other goals and priorities, with the ultimate objective of self-actualisation. Insya-Allah.

Auditing your own marriage

Once in a while, I come across a situation that makes me ponder the quality of my marriage. Effective communication has been an ongoing and recurring issue since we said our vows. It is a difficult habit to break as we walked into this with the usual;

  • He/she is independent and knows what to do
  • He/she would get why I am doing this
  • He/she does not need to know
  • He/she just wants some me time and to be left alone
  • He/she does not need my advice

The thing is, what might be OK before may not be OK now. However, since both parties are stubborn and not willing to sit down and go through the difficult conversation, the best bet is to just go through the days like normal. To be honest, I just do not have the energy to put myself first anymore. I am going to just do my best and entrust things to Allah’s will. I feel that patience is a virtue that I hope will be rewarded in the Hereafter.

Protective factors in my housemanship

Kuala Krai Hospital has been in the news a little too much lately for non-favourable reasons. One is the Peeping Tom doctor and, of recent, a houseman who unalived herself in her hostel room. As someone outside the organisation and the investigating team, I wouldn’t know the exact motivation that drives their actions. What I do know is that this rings an alarm of how organisations should play a proactive role in caring for their employees. Not everyone is bestowed with skills to cope with stressors within the medical faculty.

Indeed, counselling services are available to all levels of professionals working in this setting. But are they accessible? Not really. Even as a houseman, if you are taken ill, you are somehow expected to still turn up unless you can’t move from your bed. It is just a sniffle or a sorethroat, attendance is still expected.

Self-managing your own stress factors is not a skill that you get in one day. Considering the different levels of stress factors, they definitely require more than one method of troubleshooting your coping mechanisms. Combine that with your personality, socio-economic circumstances and organisation support, different people get access to different methods of stress relief.

When I was a houseman in Hospital Umum Sarawak back in 2008 – 2010, my strongest protective factors that prevented me from quitting the job, despite the severe swelling of my legs and lack of sleep, were;

  1. Government scholarship
  2. Parents expectation
  3. Really good friends in every posting

And may I add another overlooked factor that is often ridiculed by those who don’t have it, Resilience. Resilience that was put together by life experiences in childhood and teenage years. Those who lack it would often say, ‘dia senanglah, dia dulu bla bla bla’. Or ‘dia bolehlah buat mcm tu’. Or ‘zaman dan berubah, kalau dulu bolehlah macam ni macam tu‘. Resilience is not stagnant. It grows with time and a person’s willingness to learn. Your resilient past self may not be able to cope with future stress factors if you remain obstinate to live life as you did yesterday. This is because the world is moving very fast. Those who don’t improve themselves are bound to be left behind. This is not to say that all that was in the past is bad or kuno. We still have to remember that history is the building block of the present and the future.

Government scholarship

I was a JPA scholar. I was tied to a 10-year service bond upon graduation. To which, Alhamdulilah, I have completed my dues. I remembered having a few students from my batch who refused to come back after completing their studies. Instead, they stayed behind and pushed ahead to become specialist in their chosen field. I’m not sure how they negotiated their scholarship deals, but I am happy that they have attained success in their ambition. Understandably, Malaysian doctors earn less than their counterparts in developed countries. However, I, who comes from a non-medical family background with what counted as B40 status back then, am tremendously grateful for the opportunity given to step into medical school. Back then, this was almost an impossible dream.

Hence, quitting housemanship is not an option.

Diligence in my studies carved the path to medical school. The JPA scholarship was my stepping stone to earn a place in one. Hence, I served in the MOH well until now. I sucked in all the atrocities of housemanship and medical officer hurdles. Simply because I was grateful for the chance given to improve my family’s circumstances. I was able to give my late mother RM800/ month for her spending money. She was a housewife. I could buy groceries without fear of going over the budget. I get to go on holidays more often than I did during my childhood. Inadvertently, my children could benefit from my salary.

Parents expectation

It makes them proud that, despite their B40 status, they were able to ‘send’ their kid to medical school. I was the eldest daughter, the eldest cousin of my paternal side, the third eldest cousin on my maternal side, first from ‘the village’ to enter medical school. I was the perfect example. There was just no room for failure. I had to make it work.

Making my parents proud was the ultimate thing I could do as a daughter. Is this what they call filial piety? Generations of modern times would probably scoff at this concept. Especially when the world has taken a turn or more toward having greater exposure to champion individualism vs collectivism causes. Everything suddenly becomes toxic. Opposing advice from parents and learned adults is toxic. Stress is toxic. Some couldn’t even differentiate between good stress and bad stress at all. As a well-rounded human being, you have to learn to experience anger, sadness, happiness, etc., in varying levels to build your character and create a healthy emotional baseline for yourself.

Great friends

I met different levels of houseman ‘seniority’ in every posting. You get first posters and final year posters. Each of them carries a different perspective and values in their work, and I felt that it was a great opportunity to learn from them as well. Not just from medical officers and specialists. We get our ‘teas’ from our fellow housemen. For instance, which MO is malignant and which MO can we tag along with ‘feeling safe and less stupid’? What are the prohibited phrases you say in front of the specialists? What would make ‘MO Bedah’ less cranky and all? These are unspoken tips that are passed down from one houseman to another. But only if you choose to work as a team.

Thankfully, I have always had colleagues who help each other out. We watch each other’s backs. My honest advice is to make friends with everybody. It makes you seem like a favourable person, and people would go to great lengths to help you. After all, there is a saying that goes if you ‘mudahkan urusan orang lain, Allah akan mudahkan urusan kita. InsyaAllah’. Stop looking at being nice, receptive and supportive as ‘mengampu’ or ‘dipijak’. It could be a learning opportunity.

We forge friendships, watch movies, go on trips/ holidays ( Bako Island, Semantan Beach, Bali), and eat meals together. As someone who doesn’t take alcohol, eventhough I tag along their ‘clubbing’ activities, I would stay by the side and just watch friends dance horribly while being slightly drunk. And have my glass of Coke. Sometimes we have lunch together at the nearby pondan cafe. Or on our days off, at fancy restaurants – to remind ourselves that we are doctors and we can afford this. Ha ha. We create fun at our workplace too. For example, betting on which TKR patients in our respective teams would ambulate first and be discharged? Hence, everyone would be motivated to encourage our patients to move their limbs. Or which patient farts first, kind of thing.

Mengumpat is also a good activity to do with our friends. Mengumpat dengan hati-hati. It’s a good outlet to vent out your frustrations, madness and everything else under the sun. But please do this with trusted colleagues only. Our mengumpat sessions have the mimic muka, tone of voice, everything.

Until now, I have kept in touch with several friends during my housemanship years. It is nice to see how great (specialists) they have become, despite how nerdy or lousy we all were during houseman times. The innocent mistakes we make, the tiredness and the frustration all become laughable once we’ve completed that phase. Should I splurge their names? Ha ha. Neh, they will reveal themselves as those who ‘once knew Minci’ in due time.