Reproaching as an adult

Posted in All in a days work, Everyday Life, Ponderings & Personal Development by

One of the most difficult things in adulting is to reproach a family member, a friend or a colleague. It is not even scolding. Far from criticising. All this was done out of the public eye. Apparently, it is also a difficult matter among adults to accept advice and criticism in an open manner.

I reproached an individual I consider a friend a few days ago through a trusted third party. Also a friend. I made a decision to do so because I felt she did something wrong, which consequently stirred uneasy feelings among other colleagues at our workplace. Like any other occasion, these ill feelings are not conveyed to her at point-blank. Instead, they are discussed and circulated among a few people. To me, this is unhealthy. Because that was how this wrongdoing reached my knowledge in the first place.

Knowing that the workplace walls have ears, I thought I was right in my approach to make this poorly thought-out behaviour known to the person of interest. Through a middle person, the best friend. For reasons that these actions could be reflected upon and avoided. It is because I feel that in the future, if the same behaviour is carried out, it will bring negative consequences to this individual.

I expressed my points clearly in the WhatsApp message with the hope that the receiving end would understand my point of view and respond appropriately to the message.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. I don’t really know how it played out between them, but suddenly, I am the bad guy. The body language was so obvious that tension filled the air whenever the person of interest and I were in the same room.

This incident made me question my approach. What I thought was an act to ‘save this friend’ backfired instead. I did ponder it for a few days.

I mean, I tak mengumpat.

I had this person’s best interest in mind, as she is up for evaluation any time. The supervisor’s input might be influenced by certain people, and that’s quite dangerous if it is motivated by ill-harboured feelings.

I wanted to solve the problem. I thought I went to the correct person for assistance to cushion the aftermath of my advice. Despite the thoughtful measures (or so I thought), it did not turn out well. Consequently, we are just not on speaking terms at the moment. I could sense it. Ha ha.

As an empath, this is quite a hurtful experience. However, this is a learning curve for me. I should have known that I could not help everybody. Or more of, not everybody wants to be helped. And that maybe in certain situations, the best way would just be to turn a blind eye and let the person learn their own lesson.

January slump

Posted in Everyday Life by

For the past few weeks, I experienced a major slump in my routine. I was feeling exhausted and unmotivated all the time. I was dragging my ass and breasts to work daily. I could not really pinpoint the exact reason why. Maybe because it was January. The longest month of the year. Depression? Neh.

I usually bring a packed lunch to work as part of hashtagmincibmi25 effort. However, during the slump, I decided to buy lunch from our clinic WhatsApp group called ‘Jual Beli’. I bought ayam penyet, nasi kak wok and nasi pattaya. I was nearly tempted to buy sardine sandwiches for breakfast, even though I have sardines and bread at home. That was how bad I needed to reduce the number of decisions I made about eating. Of course, I could just fast, but that requires a different type of willpower.

Stepping into February, the mood has brightened up a bit. Still buying cheap lunch options.

Insya-Allah with the upcoming Ramadan, I will become more stable in terms of mood and willpower.

Nasi Kak WOK

Not knowing the difference between what is real and AI anymore

Posted in Ponderings & Personal Development by

We are living in a world where, for the untrained eye, everything looks real. Social media has become a place where it is possible to create AI influencers earning a living by selling lifestyle or products to human consumers. Inevitably, it has resulted in extremes of people. At one extreme end are the people who believe and entrust ChatGPT in every single aspect of their lives. ChatGPT, not Google. At least the latter still requires some critical thinking on the person’s part. With the wide use of AI in a reckless manner, you end up with social media users who trust blindly in the name of technological and modern advancement. They would follow every single thing ChatGPT tells them to. Leaving not many people who would take the trouble to ponder on the information set in front of them and weigh out the facts and bluffs surrounding an issue.

Then there is the other extreme end, where they just refuse to believe anything online. Eventhough it is reputable knowledge.

I suppose it will go back to a time when people look for bloggers again. Maybe. At least in search for a blogger who is relatable to themselves in reality. Someone who still has an ounce of authenticity or genuine traits left in them. I am glad that there are still a few who blog. Dianaishak, for example. It’s nice to read about something else in life beyond mukbang, makan2 and so-called misconceptions about conducting social experiments online.

It may also go back to the time when people preferred to have physical presence instead of online meetings. To see if the person they are meeting is truly flesh and bones. But then, there is always a threat of clones. American social media is hot on these controversies lately, which is interesting to read. I mean, did you see the snippets they have on Joe Biden and Selena Gomez? It was wild! The thought lingers at the back of my mind because I know for sure that science without ethics can thrive with biased support and financial aid. People who want to live forever do exist, you know.

AI is helpful, but it shouldn’t run our lives. I’m just saying.

Sharing candy

Posted in Good Things by

At my clinic, there is this one particular cleaner, probably in his 50s, who does his job diligently and with much grace. He would knock faithfully on the door of the doctor’s consultation room and ask for permission to enter and do his task. His task varies depending on the time of day. I reckon that in the early morning, he could sweep and mop the floor clean. He would also wipe our desk because I noticed that when I leave my desk in a mess in the evening, I would return to a sight where my pens are in the holder and my papers arranged in a neat stack.

In between the hours, he would collect trash from the non-clinical bins and wipe the sink clean. He would do his job swiftly, going in and out of the room using the main door. Unlike some of the other cleaners who would use the interconnecting doors.

Lately, I noticed that this routine was replaced by a lady. I had thought that maybe he was ill or on a holiday because his absence was felt. The lady was less meticulous than him (she washed the sink but did not wipe it), and unlike him, the lady would barge into our rooms during lunch time to clean. It disrupts our afternoon nap.

When he finally came back, I asked him if he was feeling well. He said he was fine. In fact, he just returned from his one-week Umrah. I uttered an Alhamdulilah. Since I’ve just returned from the trip there myself, I knew that he and his family must have enjoyed their trip there. Umrah is not cheap. Thus, he must feel blessed for the given opportunity to perform his worship there. Allah invited him. Alhamdulilah.

I continued my consultation with the patient. In a few short minutes. He returned to the room and placed a bag of sweets on my table. It was a small offering, which I felt was not necessary. He did not have to do that, but he did. I said a thank you to which he replied, ‘Benda kecik je Dr, takde apa sangat’.

His words sent a bolt of humbleness to my heart. Eventhough it was a small gesture, I felt remembered. Appreciated. I couldn’t help retracing my steps when I returned from Umrah. What did I buy, and who did I share my blessings with? One thing is for sure: I did not share my sweets with this lovely old man. When in fact, a bag of candy would not even burn a hole in my pocket. I want to do better in Ramadan. In giving and sharing my rezeki with others. InsyaAllah.

Dreading raya

Posted in Ponderings & Personal Development by

I am really hoping that the upcoming Ramadan will give me that extra boost in motivation to be a better human being. I have to admit this new year started off with a suffocating vibe. What kind of person starts off their year with threatening words like, “I am going to be a mean person this year”

Yes, people like that exist.

Anyway, I am not looking for Raya this year for personal reasons. Hence, I have put myself on call for that Eid week. Just so I can say “No, I’m not going. I am on call”. I might even volunteer to cover for outside events if any need a medical team on standby.

This is just a thought at the beginning of February. I’ll see how it goes later on.