Love your family, but live for yourself

Posted in Everyday Life, Ponderings & Personal Development by

Once upon a time, there lived a man who tirelessly worked day and night to provide for his family. His dedication enabled him to accumulate significant wealth and purchase luxurious items for his children. With his fortune, he confidently sent his kids to prestigious schools and treated them to incredible holidays. The man believed wholeheartedly that he was doing everything right by shielding them from life’s hardships.

Time has passed, and his children are now adults. Living a sheltered life has shaped their personalities, leading them to perceive many aspects of life as toxic and misaligned with their values. They now view tasks requiring grit and resilience as challenges that push their boundaries, which they mistakenly see as threats to their mental health. Constructive advice from experienced individuals is often dismissed as condescending and disrespectful of their autonomy. Patience and resilience have become uncommon virtues. It would be surprising if they truly grasp the importance of delayed gratification.

Soon, the wealth passed on from the man to his children is depleting. The kids, unaware of the immense effort that went into acquiring this money and these possessions, treat everything as mere pocket change to be squandered or discarded. Gifts of expensive watches are carelessly sold off, houses are up for grabs, and gaming units are auctioned at a bargain. The man reflects, “What’s the point of saving millions in my bank account and working hard day and night, only for my kids to squander it and sell when they need quick cash?” Had he known this earlier, he would have chosen a different path, refusing to sacrifice his own life for such foolish gains.

Witnessing this first-hand made me realise something. I believe there is a Chinese saying that goes 富不过三代 (fù bù guò sān dài), which literally means “wealth does not pass three generations“. It means that the first generation creates the wealth, the second generation increases the wealth (due to education and building on their parents’ systems and connections), and the third generation- maybe due to decadence or decline- leads to bankruptcy!

While I love my kids, I should teach them how to fish instead of giving them all the fish. It is ok to build on their savings accounts, but keep some of the salary for myself to enjoy as well. I should not withhold myself from the simple joys of life, especially when I can afford it. Go for that movie, buy those pretty jeans and eat that nice steak. Enjoy the coffee and plan for staycations. At the same time, I should teach my kids to be resilient when facing the hard stuff of life.

Recently, I enrolled my daughter in a swimming class. The coaches are Malaysian Chinese. I am fine with that. And I want my daughter to be fine with that too by stepping out of her bubble. Schools have been so segregated nowadays that you hardly see any non-Malay students in Sekolah Kebangsaan. I am hoping that frequent, tiny exposures to people outside her race would make her feel more accustomed to them one day. I understand that learning to swim is already a challenging feat. What’s more, having to learn to communicate with people that you rarely see and interact with daily. I put good faith towards the adults there to help her feel at ease with her lessons and also welcome her into their bubble. It is still a bit hard for her at the moment. She has been saying that she doesn’t want to go, but I am instilling some motivation into her to try her best.

I am teaching her how to fish at the moment. I am not sure if my pep talk is working. She looked like she was holding in her tears. I hope that she can persevere through these 12 weeks of learning and come out as a strong swimmer and with a positive outlook on life.

Leo living da loca

Posted in Food and Drinks, Good Things, Places to Eat by

Happy Birthday to myself

I made amends with my dad this year, putting the past behind us. A truce with an older person can sometimes feel monumental, especially when it created an emotional distance between us. Carrying hatred in my heart was tiring. Especially when I was also faced with a similar burden at the workplace. People always seem to think that it’s their right to return the energy to the opposing party, but when they become the receiving end, suddenly everything is toxic. As the 3rd party looking into this matter, I have been called the enabler and too husnuzon by both sides (depending on their narrative).

Putting those thoughts aside, my husband has already started his subspecialty training. Thus, this is one of those birthdays where we will postpone the celebration to another day as he is studying in a different state. Even then, as the type of person who can amuse herself, I got myself good food and a slice of cake.

Initially, I wanted to eat Kacang Pool at Houd Houd Cafe. The opening times were stated as 10 am. Unfortunately, when I went there, it was not yet open. I was so disappointed. So, I drove over to another cafe at Ayer Keroh called Lera a Fusion Cafe. The customer experience with the staff could be better. Thankfully, the food was delicious. I really enjoyed my pesto pasta. So that deserves 4 stars.

Later, I wanted to have a cake from Duchess of Cake. I did not check their IG, and it turns out that they are closed every Wednesday. I let out a deep sigh as I arrived at the store, as I struggled to find parking earlier. Ha ha. Perhaps there’s a silver lining to this experience.

This led me to Secret Recipe. One of the most reliable places to get a delicious slice of cake. This time, I went for the cake with the banana instead of the Indulgence Cake.

Although my husband was away, he gave my daughter strict instructions about when to give my present. I received them promptly in the morning. I have a new pair of baju kurung and a mini massage machine for the neck and shoulders. I am very thankful for the life bestowed upon me by ALLAH. Alhamdulilah.

How to end a relationship

Posted in Ponderings & Personal Development by

Simple. Stop having meals together. Stop celebrating special moments. Relationships require effort. Enjoying food together is one of them.

When you share a meal or a table, you will talk to each other. Or during turbulent moments, you have to brave through the silence. Until someone breaks the ice. If you choose not to participate in a relationship, you eat alone, or you don’t eat at all. Simple, right?

Today is my late mom’s birthday. Before she died, it used to be a time when we, the children, would make time in our busy schedules as young adults to celebrate her. It could be a short weekend lunch at a restaurant or a hotel buffet. Now, it is just a brief moment in our busy lives to pause and recite a doa. The thing is, when we celebrate her birthday, it is not really about her alone. It is also about us coming together as a family to strengthen the relationship as father-son, siblings, mother-son, father-daughter, etc. With her passing, the traditions of celebrating things together somehow died with her. There is still the occasional get-together, but as I’ve mentioned earlier, it takes effort to bring the matter up, discuss and decide on an opening in our life calendar. Guiltily, it is almost always my younger sister, a wonderful mother of 3, an enthusiastic teacher, who is trying to glue all of us together.

So. Yes. That is how we end our relationships between family members, spouses, friends. Stop eating together.

Jipinhe Scones

Posted in Food and Drinks, Places to Eat, Reviews by

Jipinhe Scones is a small outlet at my nearby mall. I was initially intrigued to try their Hot and Sour Rice Noodles. It is said to taste like the noodles in Chongqing. However, it is said to be spicy, and I am not sure if I can tolerate the heat. Thus, I went with the other set option that has the Tomato Noodle Soup and the scone. I opted for the New Orleans Chicken Thigh scone and a jelly dessert.

Truth be told, I really loved everything I ordered. The tangy tomato flavour was strong and flavourful. The scone’s filling was generous too. I was really full after the meal I shared with my daughter. I was watching over my calories.

I am glad that my daughter agreed to try something new. I am inspired to do this from time to time after watching this movie called The Room. There was a part after the mother and her child managed to escape from their kidnappers and live life. They tried everything together so that they would get to know the things they would like, exploring everything from different foods to new activities, which helped strengthen their bond and filled their lives with joy and discovery. This exploration reminded me that, indeed, that is what we should do as well. While being in a comfort zone makes you feel safe, exploring something different can lead to unexpected experiences that enrich our lives, foster creativity, and broaden our perspectives. Embracing the unknown not only brings about personal growth but also teaches us valuable lessons about adaptability.

My daughter is embarking on a new life experience soon. She will be learning a new skill. InsyaAllah.

More than meets the eye

Posted in Good Things, Ponderings & Personal Development by

An experienced photographer would probably have a lot to say about this photo. I always appreciate expert opinion. They are experts because they know more. I took this photo on a bright, sunny evening. It looks dark because it is the reflection of the trees on the river surface. Looking at it closely, you could see the ripples of the water. The image is flipped. I had to wait for a few joggers to pass me by before I whipped out my phone and captured this scenery.

It is normal to perceive something as it is. It takes slightly more effort to understand what is happening underneath. Dealing with human behaviour and emotion is notably tough. We can never be sure of what another person means, despite how literal they wish to portray themselves. There is always another layer within them that they are not comfortable showing the world. Yet, we still make an effort to connect because that is what being human is all about. We learn how to navigate the different personas and difficult conversations. With time, we get better at our soft skills. This set of skills is not limited to communication. It entails emotional intelligence, creativity in decision-making, and body language. I believe there is more to learn as we create a better version of ourselves.