The 4 people

Posted in Everyday Life by

At the moment, there are 4 people who are driving me insane. Truly insane to a point that I feel my death is better than being alive. Interestingly, these 4 individuals have a few common traits and way of thinking.

  • They are powerful. They are invincible. They put themselves on a pedestal at all times.
  • They like to think that they have me twirling at the end of the fingers. I know their game, and I am playing it willingly because my peace of mind is more important. To me, only Allah is my protector, and He knows best the outcome of the ongoing drama.
  • The more you get involved in their lives. The more they are willing to hurt you because they think they own you.
  • They have no idea that they are hurting the people who care about them.
  • They are always innocent.
  • They have zero insight that they are terrible people, driving people up against the wall.

With time, I am going to end up with an autoimmune disease or end up dead in my sleep.

6-year itch?

Posted in All in a days work by

The longest time I have stayed at one workplace is 6 years. That was a district hospital setting. I was beginning to feel the itch 5 years in, instead of the infamous 7-year itch. Simply because I was beginning to see more of my great colleagues leaving one by one. Most left for private practice. If I had not given birth to my daughter, I think I would still be there to continue serving the district.

However, I, too, left due to family commitment. My family was growing, and my husband’s career was already finding its footing in Public Health. Since anaesthesia was no longer an option for me, we felt that serving in a clinic setting would be more practical. Hence, I took the plunge and began my journey in Klinik Kesihatan (KK).

I served 3 years in my first KK. In my second and current KK, it is approaching 6 years, and I am already feeling the itch. Every year, we have medical officers coming and leaving. Sadly, those who left surpass those who came. Some chased dreams. Some had to fulfil work obligations. With each person, they bring in skills and experience from their life. And left with hopefully good memories of our workplace. It is hard to ignore this itch, as I felt that it has started to affect my ‘jiwa’ for this line of duty. A dedicated healthcare worker needs to be passionate and knowledgeable in their work. I don’t even have the urge to keep up with the latest guidelines and clinical management of diseases.

Recently, we had a farewell and Eid celebration at the clinic. Two pensioners and a few transfers. I have to say that it is too early in the year to have so many staff reshuffled and moving away. The workplace dynamics have certainly shifted, and the tension is palpable. Office politics are inevitable as work must go on. I mean, I make the roster for the medical officers. Honestly, I feel sorry for my friends because on most days, we are always short on people. Sometimes I wish that instead of the minimum 3 or 4 people we have in each zone, we could have at least 5 or 6 people to support the team. This is not always feasible as we have courses, special clinics and people on leave.

This 6-year itch has become increasingly noticeable and annoying. Will I make it to 8 or will I succumb to the 7 year itch?

Homemade delights

Posted in Everyday Life by

When I was young, my mother made a lot of things in her kitchen. We had homemade pau, soy bean milk, pizza, cake and an assortment of dishes. Back then, it was easy to assume that she was able to do that because she was a mother. A mother can do anything! Of course, now that I am a mother myself, I understand things better. Mothering is a lifelong learning process and rewarding if you choose to see the good in it. Similar to any role and life experience one may endure. My mom went to cooking classes and wrote down recipes in her book. She would copy from magazines and also TV shows. She was a mom who tried to make it work with the little that she had.

Eventhough money was tight, she still wanted us to eat nice things. Fast food was not affordable on my dad’s wages. During those early years of my childhood, my mother was very focused on feeding, nurturing, and caring for the family. It was before she wanted to earn her own income. It was those early years when she was still naive, away from her family in a foreign state and depended heavily on my dad’s monthly allowances. God knows how much she was given during that time. All I know is that I had food on the table and a roof over my head. She certainly had to be frugal and resourceful in her spending.

I suddenly find myself reminiscing about my mom making fresh soybean milk from scratch, a labour-intensive process that involved squeezing beans through cloth for hours. After seeing a video of an easy soy-making machine, I can imagine her excitement and desire to order it online, yet I still cherish the memory of her traditional method. Today’s world is a good time to live in as a housewife. My mother would have had it easier. On the condition that my dad would give her a considerable amount of money for house expenditures.

Lately, I have been trying to put out more homemade dishes. Simply because I want my daughter to remember that her mother once made cinnamon rolls eventhough they were not that fluffy. Ha ha ha.