Gutted feeling

My gut feeling has been quite precise lately. It almost scares me.

I once read a dissertation by a friend who was doing a literature review for his degree said that instincts are guided by the many knowledge one gathers throughout his life experience. For instance, if you work in the emergency department long enough, you’d be able to predict the next clinical course of an extensive myocardial infarction and prepare for it before the inevitable happens.

I suppose the same applies to human behaviour. That is if one surrounds herself long enough with the community she lives in – she could almost always know how and why a certain person behave the way they do. And studying ones character is not a one way thing.

If I am able to read someones behaviour, that means other people are able to do so as well. Which is why I’ve been hearing people talking behind my back saying ‘this’ and ‘that’. It’s nice when people recognize your strength and empowers it to the maximum. It hurts however when they also detect your weak spot and manipulate it to their benefit.

I was sitting in the clinic when suddenly I had this ‘familiar wave’ brushing by. Almost like a premonition, I envisioned a particular situation unfolding before me and almost like a rehearsal, I practiced the emotions and reactions in my head. Interesting enough, the person I expected to come to the clinic arrived. This particular patient was not given an urgent appointment, in fact I wrote the referral letter just the day before but knowing that this person has a relative working in the hospital as a clinical staff, I knew he was not going to settle for a non urgent appointment.

Perhaps I was intrigued by how far the relative is willing to disregard my professional medical opinion and cater the patients needs to her own. In a way, perhaps her actions was also solidifying a theory I had in mind whenever hospital staff swing by to the emergency unit asking for a favour – a small signature, a short memo, a quick look at the blood results, a consultation for an ailment of a decade, a check down below, a prescription etc. That I was just a means to get an end. 

I referred this patient for a scope. Knowing that this patient will not be able to make it to the supposed clinic the next day, I had him referred to the main clinic (obviously off-site) for a chance of a quicker appointment. I mean if we doctors even struggle to slip in one patient for the specialist clinic – what are the chances of the relative right? I was wrong in that sense, the relative seems to be better in her ‘pushing skills’ until she managed to get not just an early appointment but also for the next day!

I wasn’t sure whether I should be impressed or be a sour milk. People seem to be getting what they want the way they want. They think it is OK to tread on other peoples toes. People seem to have the inability to being refused or rejected. People seem to think that they are entitled to be seen whenever they want. People seem to think that just because they had a plate in the tibia and is now able to mobilize, they are qualified for an OKU status.

Hah. What a despair this world is.

Whats worse is.. you know that they know your flaw and yet you still let them use you. My bad.

3R : Read, Reflect, Respond

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