Category Archives: Ponderings & Personal Development

Dreading raya

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I am really hoping that the upcoming Ramadan will give me that extra boost in motivation to be a better human being. I have to admit this new year started off with a suffocating vibe. What kind of person starts off their year with threatening words like, “I am going to be a mean person this year”

Yes, people like that exist.

Anyway, I am not looking for Raya this year for personal reasons. Hence, I have put myself on call for that Eid week. Just so I can say “No, I’m not going. I am on call”. I might even volunteer to cover for outside events if any need a medical team on standby.

This is just a thought at the beginning of February. I’ll see how it goes later on.

Trying NotebookLM

Posted in Adult Learning, All in a days work, Ponderings & Personal Development by

The convenience is out there. All I had to do was take that one step to try it. On my Facebook feed, teachers and PTD officers were the first group of people who used it. They were conveying serious information through infographics generated with NotebookLM.

I had to check it out.

I wanted to see if it was possible to use it to make my PowerPoint slides for an upcoming event at the clinic. It was easy. I uploaded the pdf file,>> click slide deck >> choose language Melayu >> wrote a few prompts, and in less than 10 minutes, a series of slides were produced.

It is important to double-check the information. After downloading the file, I uploaded it to Canva to edit. Since my Canva account is not the PRO version, I had to use the shape and text type of editing instead of the AI services. The slides still came out great on PPT. I am going to learn how to use multiple resources after this and perhaps try to generate audio or video from them.

A future with an unknown expiry date

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When I was younger, I could easily picture my future. I imagined myself as an adult with a stable job, earning good money. I could even dream of getting married and having children. Back then, the idea of growing up felt exciting and natural.

Now that I’m older, something has changed. I struggle to see myself as an elderly person, let alone as a grandmother. My mind refuses to project my life beyond a certain point, as though my journey will somehow end before then. It’s not that I feel hopeless—I’m actually content with my life as it is. Sure, things could be better, but overall, I’m grateful for what I have.

Still, I sometimes catch myself thinking about death. Not in the sense of taking my own life, but rather in the form of an illness, an accident, or even a natural disaster. It makes me wonder—does this count as a suicidal thought? After all, the idea still revolves around leaving this world, even if it’s not by choice.

Perhaps it’s just a peculiar way my mind processes the unknown. Maybe I’m not alone in feeling this way. Do others also find it hard to picture themselves growing old? Or is it just me?

Unseen Blessings

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As a mark of respect, I approached my superior a few months ago to request a particular leave. I wanted to go to Umrah. Knowingly, the date my husband chose for Umrah fell during the Chinese New Year holidays. I was aware that my Chinese colleagues would be taking leave during that time but I thought if I could negotiate in the sense that I would give up my Raya holidays instead, I could go for the Umrah during CNY.

My superior however suggested that I choose a different date instead.
The reason is, it is not about CNY leaves but it is about how much manpower is left to run the clinic with our colleagues going off for the festive season. After relaying the matter to my husband, him being him, decided to proceed with the booking for himself and my son, Ee. Haneem will stay behind to accompany me. Thus, I consoled myself into thinking that ‘Allah belum jemput. Nanti ada rezeki lagi‘.

After a few months, today, I discovered that 2 non-CNY celebrating colleagues had their leaves approved by my superior in addition to those who are celebrating. On the same date that I have requested a few months ago.

I am not going to lie. I felt slighted. I was numb for a while but I still completed my task at work. At the same time, I tried to justify the decision and it came to this. Maybe my request was not approved because my plan was to stretch it out for at least a week after CNY. After all, performing Umrah takes some time. As opposed to my colleagues who are probably on leave for only that one Friday to enjoy a longer weekend.

Yes, maybe that’s the reason why. Sounds just.

Now my hope lies in the ASB Simpan dan Menang contest. If I don’t withdraw my ASB dividend and manage to save RM5K/month till March, I might have a chance to go for Free Umrah. Ha ha ha ha. In the end, I reminded myself that everything happens for a reason, and perhaps this delay is part of a greater plan yet to unfold.