Category Archives: Parenting, Family and Relationships

Swimming class update

Posted in Everyday Life, Parenting, Family and Relationships by

My daughter successfully attended her swimming classes two times in a row. And she did not cry. She pushed through. She has yet to be playful, but she is less nervous and is listening well.

Her sticker chart played a small role in this. You know those potty training techniques where you get a star for every successful attempt? The same concept applies here. She gets a sticker to put on her chart after every swimming class.

But there is a catch.

I need my own sticker chart, too. I also need to do something I do not really enjoy. That means swinging the kettlebell. Urgh, the motivation to do that on top of my 10K steps is daunting. But since I am setting an example to my daughter to persevere through the hardship in attaining a new skill, I did just that. So now we are on a 12-week programme of swimming and swinging kettlebells.

Another contributing factor to her wanting to keep going is that she is under a different coach this time. Still a male coach, but as my daughter describes it, he says things more slowly and clearly. The previous coach was nice but a bit too fast, so she finds it hard to follow. Either way, the coaches at this centre are better than the one she learned from previously. She described the coach at the previous swimming centre as ‘aggressive’.

I was there, and I could see why she deemed it ‘aggressive’. Back then, she was only 5 years old. She didn’t really understand the concept of ‘kiri’ and ‘kanan’. Since her coach back then was a Malay gentleman and the only exposure to teaching she got at 5 years old in kindergarten was from gentle, female teachers, it was easy to see why the sudden ‘loud’ art of teaching seemed off. I did not force her to return to the lessons at the time. I felt that she still had time to learn. The fees were non-refundable. So, my RM500 were burnt.

This time, at 8 years old, I did not give in to her not wanting to go swimming. As the fees were also non-refundable. Plus, she is growing up, and she will be coming of age anytime. I wish for her to learn how to swim before she gets her period and enters the phase of teenage years. It’s because once she gets there, I am sure that I will be dealing with a little monster version of myself. Just slightly extroverted.

I look forward to her progress in swimming soon.

Downgraded to being an acquaintance

Posted in All in a days work, Parenting, Family and Relationships, Ponderings & Personal Development by

I was downgraded to being an acquaintance recently. I had my suspicions, but it was only known to me a few hours ago. As disappointing as it seems, it’s one of those life lessons we come across from time to time when relationships fall apart. It’s where human beings remain civil to each other out of work duty but have no obligation to participate in personal social relations. It’s part of adulting.

This is not the first time it happens. But it almost always happens for the same reasons. That is either when personal ideas just do not align with each other or when intentions were misinterpreted. Even then, the autonomy to choose who gets to be part of your life has to be respected. There should be no ill or bitter feelings.

When this experience happened to me the first time, meaning I was cut off, it hurt me really bad. I was confused. And it got me thinking about it for a long time. The scenarios were played out in my head several times. My chest felt heavy. I was wounded. Now, it doesn’t hurt that much because, well, I learned psychology. Ha ha ha. However, I still make dua for my friends and colleagues. My prayers remain for those who still don’t understand. I know differing opinions can stir feelings. It is supposed to. So that if they were in that other person’s shoes one day, they would be able to recall this moment and see that the pain caused by any conflict affects everyone.

A wise person once told me, “We are always a villain in other people’s stories. But we are also heroes in some”. Being human is about embracing the fact that we are a blend of both good and evil qualities. What is good for you may not be good for others. We are not characters in a drama where we play a saint all the time. We have different sides that we show to different people. Depending on how much access they have. In certain situations, sometimes we have to make difficult decisions with the ugly choices we have. This strains relationships. People may think they know our choices, but only we know what dice we have in our hands. Ketidakadilan happens. Grudges surfaces. This is what I call unfortunate consequences. Having said that, casting votes or picking out a lucky name out of a box does not make it equal. Which is why Allah gives us a brain to think and a mouth to speak. So that we could communicate, work out our differences and negotiate some form of dignified solution. When all is said and done, we actually hope for a Shakespeare ending: All’s Well That Ends Well.

Gotong Royong at school

Posted in Everyday Life, Parenting, Family and Relationships by

Gotong Royong is akin to communal work or a community clean-up activity. In this case, it’s an initiative by the school to keep the school clean and conducive for learning activities. They would get the parents, students and related agencies to get involved for the said purposes.

I have to say, this is the first time I am getting involved. Before this, I might not have been paying much attention to the WhatsApp group, or I may have had something else planned for the weekend and couldn’t commit to it. This year, I noticed the announcement and made an early written commitment in my planner to ensure that nothing else is slotted in on that day. I was intrigued to see whose parents would turn up and what chores I could assist with in the Gotong Royong.

My daughter came with me. She likes these things cause then, she could play with her friends as well.

I was asked to help with the wallpaper. Man, that got me nervous. I couldn’t even cut the wallpaper in a straight line. Eventually, I managed to do it with the help of the kids. The men, the fathers, painted the sides of the walls. The lovely teacher did all the many miscellaneous tasks. I believe there will be another session to help the class teacher with the curtains and the table covers. So InsyaAllah I am in.

Mother’s Day buffet

Posted in Good Things, Parenting, Family and Relationships by

Mr Husband brought the mother’s in his family for a buffet recently.

It was a high-tea spread at Grand Swiss-Belhotel Melaka. The promotion was good. Mothers eat free for each ‘1 paying adult’.

I loved the food options. There’s definitely something for everybody. The kids get balloons from the clown, and family members get to participate in the cake decorating competition. I loved my meal. My sister-in-law brought a birthday cake, and we celebrated my husband’s and his younger brother’s birthdays too.

Cake decorating by my niece with the help from her cousins

I used to celebrate Mother’s Day on my side of the family. Now that mom’s passed, the celebration carries on to my husband’s side of the family. Next month is Father’s Day. We would probably have a meal with papitos, and the father’s on my side of the family. We will see how it goes.

Auditing your own marriage

Posted in Everyday Life, Parenting, Family and Relationships, Ponderings & Personal Development by

Once in a while, I come across a situation that makes me ponder the quality of my marriage. Effective communication has been an ongoing and recurring issue since we said our vows. It is a difficult habit to break as we walked into this with the usual;

  • He/she is independent and knows what to do
  • He/she would get why I am doing this
  • He/she does not need to know
  • He/she just wants some me time and to be left alone
  • He/she does not need my advice

The thing is, what might be OK before may not be OK now. However, since both parties are stubborn and not willing to sit down and go through the difficult conversation, the best bet is to just go through the days like normal. To be honest, I just do not have the energy to put myself first anymore. I am going to just do my best and entrust things to Allah’s will. I feel that patience is a virtue that I hope will be rewarded in the Hereafter.