Adulting

The more people you meet

The more stories you hear

The more books you read

The more drama you see

The more you understand WHY some people make decisions you thought were horrendous, ridiculous, selfish and completely absurd in the first place. The motives behind a murder, an organized crime, an obsession, an affair and other seemingly anti-social behaviour. Human behaviour is very complex. Never a clear black and white. Always a grey area.

You learn more about yourself and the values that you hold on to. You will begin to seek those who think on the same wavelength. You begin to distance yourself from people who don’t make you happy anymore and indulge in the pleasures lounging in your own mind. The world in the mind is better. Closing the eyes is better. Being numb is better. Maybe that is how neuroses start. Leading to psychosis. To hallucinations. To being bonkers and if uncontrolled … escalating to a person becoming a sinner.

The trigger to that sunken yet manic feeling can happen anytime. To anyone. I witnessed that ‘snap’ moment of insanity once before, at 17 years old. In my mother. My late mother. I would have thought that if problems were to happen in a marriage, it would be done by the decade and any marriage that supersedes that time frame is true love. I was wrong. Melinda and Bill Gates could testify to that. It seems that marriage could still be on the rocks and in ruins after 10 years. Bercerai di usia senja, I was told.

People do fall out of love.

What happened at 17 years old?

Mom packed her things in a suitcase, rode out in her car and was ready to leave the family. A lot of angry conversations took place between her and dad at the time via telephone. I was the middle person. Not the negotiator but the person who received the angry statements from both ends. Mom came back after a few hours though and said she just wanted to give dad a scare. Back then, I thought she was selfish to do what she did but now, I really really understand why. If I had known better back then, I would have told her to

just go. be happy. we, your kids will still love you. keep in touch wherever you are and whoever you’re with mom. just go and be happy.

I guess I am an Unnie Army?

Paulo Coelho loves them too!

BTS did not happen overnight. I believe it took them years to get them to where they are today. I wasn’t a fan of them before cause I didn’t really knew they exist. The only KPop group I knew back then was 2PM and TVXQ. I loved heartbeat from 2PM and as for TVXQ, I bought their album. I bought Kang Gary’s Lessang CD too. I heard of Super Junior and Shinee but I didn’t really enjoy their songs. The girls group I knew of back then were A-Pink and Girls Generation – that’s it. Then, there was IU – South Korea’s favourite nation sister. I still love IU – she is so versatile.

BTS somehow never appeared on my search for good KPop songs. Until last year.

I was intrigued how a song called Dynamite could get so many views in such a short period of time. I watched it and just like that, I was hooked. Half a year later into the Covid19 pandemic, I upgraded myself as a baby army. An unnie but baby army. Of course, apart from binging on Vincenzo Cassano, I watched old clips of them on Youtube. Their appearance on variety shows, their dance practices, their trips to god knows where – all of them were entertaining. It felt like going back into my adolescent years – adoring seven young men who don’t really know Minci. ha ha.

As in any boy’s group, one must have a bias. Thing is, I keep switching from one person to another cause they’re so likeable. Even then, V still appear at the bottom of the list. Sorry, unnie kureng minat sama mu. The ones topping the lists are RM, SUGA and JIN. Haih.. nampak sgt taste are-kak are-kak kan… Undeniably, JungKook is the golden maknae. He is very talented. Unnie will put you in the list in 2-3 years time.

Kenapa RM – sebab dia ketua, sis mudah terpesona dengan orang yang berkarisma. And takes care of this team members. He is trying his best all the time. Penat jadi dia sebenarnya. So yer.. minat orang yang diligent camni.

Kenapa Suga – he reminds me of myself actually. I would want him to become my best friend if we were studying or working together. We would just enjoy each other’s company in the same room doing our own thing, tak perlu bercakap hu ha tapi connection tuh ada. It seems that we are both almost always tired. Not that energetic amidst the more active young members but is still able to soak in the experience. In my case, it would be the very active and talkative colleagues at work. I am a bit quiet at the clinic but I still enjoy listening to the conversations and banter among the people at my workplace. Participation je tak berapa. Ha ha. Kerja masih jalan though. Rajin. Kreatif. Buat hal sendiri. Macam Suga. Ha ha.

Kenapa Jin – if I meet a person with this personality, I would also want to make him/her one of my close friends. He is the oldest member of the group but behaves like one of the youngest. Ok, now he sounds like me. Ha ha ha. Even then, he always has his friends best interest in mind. Dahulukan kawan. Jaga hati kawan dan adik2. Generous. He is not the best dancer in the group but he gives his best all the time at any performance.

The thing about being in the Hyung line is that, akan sampai satu masa.. you will want to leave it all. Cause your priorities will be different by then as you age up. When will that happen? I have no idea. Any clues of any Kpop group who are still doing their thing in their 30s? I wonder what will happen to the Army’s then.. there will definitely be a huge outcry.

Recently, BTS Meal was launched in Malaysia. There were nuggets with special sauces. I was not up for it but I went on a Shopee Spree and bought some T-Shirts and hoodies online. I even purchased one a T shirt that has Suga’s name on it. Nampak tak are-kak minat sgt teww.. I have some watches and water bottles in my Shopee cart but I will click to order say, next month. I am contemplating on getting those BTS bomb lights but am waiting for the impulsive urge to die out first and see if I still want it in 2 months time. It’s because I’m not quite sure what I could use it for. They should consider making those mini fans merchandise that I could use in my consultation room. Ha ha.