Strong at work, struggling inside

Posted in Everyday Life by

I consider myself competent and resilient when it comes to work. I may not be the most knowledgeable person, but I do know when to consult and ask for help. Especially when managing clinical cases that are slightly beyond my scope. Thus, at most times, I can clear my list of patients at a reasonably quick pace because I know what I’m doing. However, the volume and complexities of the cases that come through the door are becoming so overwhelming.

This left me feeling very exhausted. Mentally. Manifesting in physical weariness and mood disturbances. It has come to the extent that I am overthinking whether I have lupus or bipolar disease.

Lupus because I have rash on my cheeks, lethargy, myalgia and unexplained arthralgia. It is so noticeable because I have never experienced these symptoms concurrently before. My late mother did have asthma, but I never had any personal atopy history, not to mention eczema. Only acne. Strangely enough, the eczema flare-ups have been happening every fortnight or so with no specific trigger. The joint pains are worse. It is most palpable at the neck, shoulders and my toes. Not even my back or hips. However, the muscle ache is, of course, most prominent in my back near the scapula region. Specifically, mid-thoracic in between the shoulder blades.

Now, why the sudden bipolar?

Because I am caught between the feelings of ‘I might as well die’ (without suicidal ideation) and the reckless impulses of ‘I will book a ticket to Jakarta and stay there over the weekend’. Sometimes it’s not the feeling of wanting to die but just wanting to disappear. There were several occasions for the past few years that I remembered being in such a low that I wanted to drive off somewhere, leave my car by the road and just walk into the woods unnoticed. Like maybe at one of those jalan kampung. Or park my car near the petrol station and just walk away, sort of thing. Or keep enough cash and just walk out of the house to go somewhere while paying everything in cash to avoid any digital trail. Then there were highly energetic moments when I would feel like I want to do full Training of Trainers (TOT) sessions at the clinic, publish a paper, learn 3 foreign languages at one time, revive my Youtube channel and such.

So where am I at right now, mood-wise? Stable. Nothing overly grandiose. Nothing too mellow either.

The lupus theory. The bipolar or cyclothymia? Of course, I am putting this down to healthy stress. I keep telling myself that I will keep a diary on this and see if there is an emerging pattern. I never did. I should seriously make an attempt to document these episodes and see if there are any contributing factors.

November babies celebrating at KJAYA BBQ, IOI City Mall

Posted in Food and Drinks, Parenting, Family and Relationships, Places to Eat, Reviews by

My brother Matin shares the birthday month with my daughter. This year, we are celebrating at KJAYA BBQ located at IOI City Mall. I reserved a table through their WhatsApp number for 10 adults and 3 children. Children under 100cm eat for free, while those less than 130cm are given a children’s price. I paid a deposit of RM200 to secure the reservation. Most importantly, it is certified as HALAL.

I opted for the All You Can Eat 8 Meat BBQ Set. Adults eat at RM59 and kids at RM29. We were not big eaters. The portion was more than enough. We did not even refill our meat as they were a lot. The rice, kimchi soup, iced green tea drink, sauce and side dishes can be replenished as much as we like. The ice cream and chicken wings were served only once. But like I said, we couldn’t handle it. Thankfully, we are allowed to tapau.

There is also a family BBQ Set, a la carte meals and fried snacks.

I’d really want to try the Japchae and Jja Jang Myun next time. Maybe the Kimchi fried rice too, and see if I could recreate the same dish at home. The chicken wings that came with our set were delicious.

My daughter gets a free mini Oreo bingsu (worth RM11) with a birthday song. She was elated but slightly at a loss on how to respond to the birthday treat. The bingsu was delicious. To be honest, we did not ask for a treat. It was offered by them.

Passing the baton in the diabetes portfolio

Posted in All in a days work by

I have been managing the NCD portfolio —specifically Diabetes, Hypertension (and Asthma) — for at least 4 years now. With my retirement plan in place, I think it is time to gradually withdraw myself from high impact responsibilities.

The Diabetes Day celebration is held annually. This year, my colleague, Ashiqin, is taking the reins. She did the paperwork, organised meetings and delegated tasks. She is a ball of sunshine radiating enthusiasm everywhere. I am glad that everything went well. I can now pass over the baton in 2026.

Next in line, the HIV portfolio.

Kuching trip with my daughter – getting souvenirs, The Reef and the Regatta

Posted in Everyday Life, Food and Drinks, Leisure & Travel, Places to Eat by

I was in Kuching with my daughter for a wedding. After the event, we went to two places to get some souvenirs to bring back to Melaka. First was a trip to Kubah Ria.

KUBAH RIA

Kubah Ria is basically a market. My sister bought some midin, mi kolok and Sarawak Laksa paste. I, on the other hand, was looking for Chelum Chocolate Cafe. This cafe sells artisan chocolates. I saw on Instagram that it’s locally produced with very Sarawakian flavours. Thankfully, they have testers in the store. I bought the ones that my daughter likes, which are the ones with Sago Pearl and Tebaloi. The chocolate bars were priced at RM7/piece. I bought 40.

KEK LAPIS WARISAN

Previously, I have always gone to Kampung Gersik for my kuih lapis. This is someplace new. Honestly, I wouldn’t know the difference, but the idea of being able to watch how the kek lapis are made is interesting. Visitors can have a look at it at this outlet.

What’s more important is that I get to buy my kek lumut, kek belacan and Cadbury. They have the usual buy 10 free 1 promo, but I only bought 7. Cause everyone is on a diet. Plus, not everyone would appreciate the gesture of my bringing kuih lapis for everyone to eat at the workplace. Its availability in semenanjung has made it less exclusive. Although I do remember buying 1 loaf each for my colleagues in Hospital Jasin during my working period there. That was a long time ago. Over time, kuih lapis is just another cake to some people.

I did buy a few cat T-shirts for my husband and kids. Haneem really wanted a cat t-shirt. If I had more time, I’d probably shop for kain pasang with pua kumbu patterns. Alas, time was something I did not have.

Dinner at The Reef

Since we were in Kuching for the weekend, we felt that our chances of securing a table at Topspot would be small. Hence, my sister made a booking at The Reef. She put in an order for several dishes that were promptly served upon our arrival. Haneem really loved her midin, and she was able to finish her bowl of rice on her own! Good job.

After the dinner with my sister and her family, Haneem and I walked a little bit more to the Padungan cat statue. This particular cat changes its attire with the festive season. Since it is Deepavali, the cat was in an Indian outfit.

The Regatta

The Regatta and Festival Kraf Borneo was also happening during our visit. All this was organised at The Waterfront. So, we went there after breakfast on the day of our departure. We managed to watch a few boats racing. It was really fun and honestly got our adrenaline rushing too. The women with their oars and roars were such a beautiful sight. They were like warriors. The men, of course, were super sado.

I guess this sums up our girls’ trip to Kuching. It was too short and I look forward to another trip to Kuching again soon. Once I have saved up enough money. I really want to come during the time they’d play the Disney orchestra at The Waterfront. I wonder when their next show is in 2026. I really want to experience it. How fabulous it would be!