Monthly Archives: October 2023

The challenges in raising children

Posted in Ponderings & Personal Development by

When parenting techniques and goals are not in line – that poses a challenge in itself. The best type of parenting is Authoritative Parenting. The least favourite are the Authoritarian, Permissive and Neglectful type.

One of the questions us parents got during the UKM Pintar interview was

What are the challenges in nurturing our son?

My husband had a long pause. I’ve already got a list in my head but I had to be careful with what I choose to say as it may affect his chances to enter the institution. I said something about his lack of possessing street-smart skills. My son is undeniably good in math-like logical thinking, solving sequence problems and such but he falls short of the ability to solve OTHER worldly problems. Just the other day I brought him to a recycling bin near LOTUS. It took a while for him to figure out how to open the bin. He kept looking back at me, giving me the eye that signals for my help. I stayed put in my car and told him to find a solution. Once he did, he struggled a bit to open it because it was a bit heavy but not too heavy for a 12 year old. I know. He just needed to put in some muscle strength to it. I thought he would give it another go but he stopped and just stood there. Waiting for me to rescue. I REFUSED TO HELP HIM. Instead, I told him to try again. After much trying, he finally managed to get the bin to open.

This is not the first time he exhibited this sort of behaviour. When he was a toddler, around the age of 4, his paternal grandfather placed some cushions in his walking pathway, wanting him to find a way to pass through the cushions. Instead of climbing the cushion or finding spaces in between to walk through the obstruction – he stopped in his path and just stared at the cushion. He went back the way he came and did not even explore the cushions in front of him. That was when I knew that with my son – if he is to survive the streets – he needs to be taught on every single, nitty gritty ways of living.

Like knowing when to throw the trash, wiping the dinner table, keeping a clean desk, hanging his clothes to dry, folding the socks, washing his shoes, BRUSHING HIS TEETH! Then, as parents – there is a need to mould some sort of emotional intelligence or empathy in his interactions with other people. Despite living in a Melakan environment – all this sort of ‘gurau kasar’ talk is not going to be beneficial for him. He should not talk like a Melakan adult. He should not think that attending school programmes and helping teachers is a waste of time. He should not use the word Keling even if that is what the elders before us use in their conversations with their friends. While to them it is more of a descriptive word for a person – society nowadays see that as racist.

Kids with high IQ have been known to have low EQ. Rarely do we see those who could have both. If your child is one of those who have both – good for you but don’t say that the statement is not true. high IQ kids with low EQ, if they are not nurtured appropriately will grow up to become arrogant, narcissistic adults who thinks they are always right without an ounce of thought and guilt towards other people.

Kacang Phool Hajijie, Bukit Katil

Posted in Food and Drinks, Places to Eat, Reviews by

I am Sarawakian but I have an affinity towards Johor food. My favourite is the Laksa Johor and the Kacang Pool (pronounced as Pole). Once I tried to make Kacang Pool at home but used baked beans instead because my son has G6PD deficiency. It tasted alright but nothing could beat the dish I had at Batu Pahat.

A few months ago, I noticed a small breakfast area opened up in the Bukit Katil area. It is called Kacang Phool Hajijie.

They serve Kacang Pool, Mee Rebus and other breakfast options. I love that they open as early as 7 a.m. because it would be easy for mothers like myself who want to enjoy food immediately after dropping the kids off at school.

this is kacang phool hajijie
kopi ais rm3

The place is situated along the main road and parking was easy since I got there very early in the morning after the school run. I ordered 1 set of Kacang Pool and a glass of iced coffee. The portion was adequate but reducing the price would be much appreciated. I felt that RM7 was a tad pricey. RM5 seems suitable or RM6 if you must. The iced coffee was RM3. They also sell instant Kacang Pool gravy which was priced at RM10 per pack. I bought it as a gift for my siblings.

The Kacang Pool here is not as good as the one I had at Batu Pahat. I would consider going for a short trip to Batu Pahat instead on my off days if I crave this dish. It is much more satisfying.

Raising a son – secondary school

Posted in Everyday Life by

When I was young, the only option I was presented and given was to enter a boarding school. My parents had faith in my intellectual ability to perform well in primary school and set me apart from other candidates to be considered for a place in one. Back then, I had no idea that the several extracurricular activities I participated in were part of the ‘points’ that would contribute towards the selection process. I honestly did it because I knew I could do it and it was fun. So there was me in a storytelling competition, choral speaking, ‘deklamasi sajak’ and traditional dance. Then there were the more ‘academic’ ones like spelling bee and maths quiz. I wasn’t good at sports though.

I sat for the UPSR. Had an IQ test done. Called for an interview. And then I was offered a place in Sekolah Tun Fatimah, a boarding school in Johor. I never set foot in any mainstream secondary school back then. Hence, it puzzles me as to why kids nowadays may need to attend their supposed secondary school first before knowing if they are selected for any other school of their choice. It disrupts leave taking plans for the parents and such.

I got to know of the term ‘feeder school’ lately. Primary schools feed their students to designated secondary schools. Therefore the first choice is always the said school whether the student like it or not. They can put in their preferred choices underneath the initial school. Obviously, schools with high academic performance with minimal social issues are popular and it could be tough trying to go in. Hence, for able students – most parents like myself would go for the obvious – choose boarding schools.

For our son, we applied for three different streams. The MRSM and Sekolah Khusus boarding schools as the first two and UKM Pintar.

Options for Sekolah Khusus

Admission to UKM Pintar is through a series of assessments and that is an ongoing process. I will write about that in a different post regardless of the outcome. As for the earlier two, it involves sending in an online application and then sitting for their respective exams. My son sat for Penilaian Kemasukan Sekolah Khusus (PKSK) a few weeks ago and soon there will be another assessment for the MRSM intake. There is another option for secondary schooling – home schooling. But I know I do not have the emotional capacity to undertake that one. I will leave that to the more capable parents.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for my son’s success. I hope he will be placed in a secondary educational centre that will give him good opportunities in the future.

I stand with Palestine

Posted in Current Events by

For outsiders to support Israel -it is mostly because they haven’t understood the whole situation. They will gain a better understanding of that with time – if Palestinians still exist on the face of the earth. I wasn’t supporting Israel but it still took me a while to understand the apartheidism and ethnic cleansing of Palestinians. It was never a crisis in the first place. It was pure discrimination and what is openly described as an ‘open-air’ prison.

The Gaza Strip is a very small area, to begin with. It is smaller than the state of Melaka. Narrowing it down, it is half the size of Jasin district. It is that small. And yet, the Israelis are destroying the place with more ammo than what the US has dropped onto Afghanistan before. The attack was carried out in the name of self-defence against Hamas and yet the armed forces have violated the ‘rules of war’. Killing journalists, cutting out humanitarian aid and bombing hospitals are atrocious acts of ‘self-defence’.

Pro-Israeli media highlighted what happened on the day Hamas attacked yet never went beyond that day to show the rising numbers of Palestinians killed afterwards. If the Palestinians and foreign humanitarian aides did not share their plight on social media – we would never have known that their resources were limited and rationed to the minimum. Kita takde air 6 jam pun dah mengamuk. Internet lambat pun dah susah hati.

Some refused to believe that this was apartheid and ethnic cleansing. Unfortunately, it is and all that the UN can do right now is to make statements and ‘call on the international community to urgently mediate a ceasefire between warring Hamas and Israeli occupation forces’. Malaysia ni negara kecik, duit tak banyak – kuasa besar dunia buat apa? tengok je?

Motherhood and creativity

Posted in Everyday Life, Parenting, Family and Relationships by

A fulfilling motherhood experience needs some form of creativity in place. Being creative does not mean sitting down with kids to do arts and crafts. That is only part of it. Creativity in motherhood means having the cognitive ability to solve a motherhood-related problem with solutions provided by their environment.

The Hand That Rocks The Cradle Rule The World

I am a firm believer of such especially if Mother-ing responsibilities fall on your shoulders more than your spouse. I am saying this motherhood has evolved so much over the years. It is not gender-specific anymore and we see more men taking on similar roles to nurture their children.

I feel that one of the most important aspects of creativity in Motherhood is providing the right nutrition for their children to grow up. Preparing a balanced yet interesting and tasty meal can be daunting for mothers who struggle to understand the food pyramid. In my clinical practice, I find that some mothers can formulate their own meal plans when we explain the core nutritional components that their children need. Very few need ‘spoon feeding’ into the exact meals they have to prepare.

Another aspect is in cultivating a child’s skill and building up their knowledge to get them ready to navigate the world.

A creative parental figure guides the child to solve their problems independently. Better still they could become the scaffolding support proposed by Vygotsky in his learning theories. I personally love Vygotsky’s theory as it makes sense to do such in raising children. Vygotsky’s theory of child development says that kids learn best through social interaction. They learn from being around people who know more than them, like parents, teachers, and friends.

Its main concepts include;

  1. Zone of Proximal Development (ZPD): Kids have a range of things they can do on their own and things they can do with help. The zone in between is where they need a little support to learn and grow.
  2. Scaffolding: Adults can help kids by giving them hints, suggestions, and guidance. As kids get better at something, the support can be reduced over time.
  3. Language and Thought: Talking and interacting with others is important for kids’ thinking and learning. Language helps them understand and make sense of the world.
  4. Cultural Tools: Things like language, writing, and technology play a big role in how kids learn. They are tools that help kids solve problems and understand things better.

In a nutshell, Vygotsky’s theory shows that kids learn by being around others, getting help when needed, using language, and using cultural tools. It is a strong theory in childhood education and to me personally, in parenthood.

It’s good to prepare for motherhood. Even then, we don’t learn everything in one go. In fact, one can have up to 10 children but still struggle with it anyway. This brings on to my next observation of how mothers need to be open to lifelong learning. What you know about parenting 5 years ago may differ from what you need to know now. While it seemed OK to tie a misbehaving child to a tree 20 years ago but not socio-culturally relevant nowadays. In fact, it is deemed abusive in most communities nowadays.

Motherhood is simple if the plan is only to raise a child that is alive and breathing. It becomes more colourful and varied when you plan to prepare the kids for a world you envision them to live in, in the future.