Mothering up

We always talk about child and adolescent development but Erikson kind of made it clear that human beings grow and develop themselves their whole lives. Recently, my youngest daughter asked me if I have any more babies in my tummy because she wanted to become a big sister. I told her I don’t have any more babies and that she could always become a bigger sister to her baby cousins. It was at that moment, that it became clear to me that yes, I have made a conscious decision to complete my family.

Having said that, it would mean shifting my focus toward raising a son who is already in his early adolescence year and my daughter who is in preschool. Thus, it would be wise to let go of all the baby stuff and revamp the house environment to support the development of my kids into personalities that will bring them further in life.

As of now, this will be a mental note.

  • I am currently too exhausted to do spring cleaning during Ramadhan but I guess I am ready to say goodbye to all the strollers, baby carriers, soft toys, baby books, baby Tupperware and all. so, there will be mass decluttering later after Raya and I have lots of candidates at my workplace, those who are still building a family who might want these things for their children.
  • I would need to be more active in not only their studies but also their emotional well-being, especially my son who will at one point undergo puberty. The recent experience of forwarding my complaint to the school’s headmaster kind of mustered my courage to do more for not only my kids and my nieces but also for their friends.
  • Planning ahead a direction for their future. Money. Type of school. Something that spells out ambition.
  • character consolidation. kids should turn out better than the parents. better than me.

Thinking about this is making me tired already. *yawn*


Sometimes I forget that I’m a MOM…

.. which is daunting because having the MOTHER title is a huge responsibility.


When I was young, I was fed with the universal idea that “Syurga di bawah telapak kaki ibu”. That it would be a big sin to go against the words and wills of a mother. Mulut mak masin. Meaning that whatever our mothers say – things tend to come true. So as children we become wary of these special powers a mom has.

And now I am a MOM. And sometimes I forget that now I am important to my kids. That my words and du’a , InsyaAllah will count and come true. Eventhough I still have girlish screams when I watch a chick flick or grin foolishly if Syafiq Kyle was to suddenly stop by at my clinic for a consultation for his fever. Gitew. 

I have to actively remind myself to say good things about my children. To wish happy things for them. To be careful of my words for they are all prayers to Allah. Sabar (patience) needs to be a virtue so I will not have a slip of tongue and say ‘bodoh’, ‘babi’ or any vulgar connotations of that sort towards them.

I have to make a conscious feeling or intention everyday that I love my family. I am thankful for their presence and that I will try my best to keep this amanah. For I worry, if I say the wrong things my children would turn out to be what I pray for through my words – even if I do not mean it.

Let me tell you a story.

Once, there was a lady working at a hospital as a clinical staff, who had a child of which upon birth suffered from hypoxic brain injury. Subsequently, the child would occasionally have seizures but he managed to grow up as a young man in his late teens , with learning problems due to those medical conditions. His seizures are so bad at times that he requires multiple visits to Casualty only to be discharged later at his parents own risk.

One day, he had another seizure. He must have ruffled a few feathers with his mom, the clinical staff, earlier that day because when she knew he was in Casualty – she vent out loud probably due to exhaustion or desperation – “another fit? Gosh.. can’t you just let me breath once in a while?”. Then, she used this one word which she probably regret even thinking about it later on – The exact word was ‘menyusahkan’. [burden]

Anyway, the teen was observed at Casualty and since the parents requested a discharge at own risk – he was allowed home with advice. His mother continued with her work while her husband brought the teen back home. After all, this was just another one of those seizure episodes. However, a few hours later – the hospital received a frantic phone call from the father saying that the teen was unconscious in the house. An ambulance was dispatched to their residence. The teen unfortunately, was pronounced dead by the attending paramedic.

The mother? Who actually did not meant what she said.. as you can imagine.. was howling and crying uncontrollably. She did not mean for her son to be taken back by Allah and now she has all the time in the world ‘to breath’. And that her son is not her burden anymore. So powerful is the du’a of us Moms that if we are not careful with our tongue, badan akan binasa. 

That will forever be one of the stories that taught me to always guard my tongue and use it for kind words, useful knowledge and good lessons. InsyaAllah.. 

The Shore Oceanarium, Melaka

Ever since Baby Ninie came into the picture – it was very difficult to have a one on one Mother-Son moment with Ee. I still manage to squeeze some quality time (meaning focused on him) in our everyday interactions during dinner, bedtime chit chats or that morning breakfast.. but any activities more than an hour stretch was hard to come by.

I finally did get that chance to spend time with him during one of my precious off days on a weekday when Baby Ninie was at daycare!

We went to The Shore Oceanarium, Melaka. I picked him up from school that afternoon, had a quick lunch at home and changed our clothes. The place was less than 10 mins from where we live by car and I managed to secure a parking lot for FREE at the 2nd floor.


We showed our MyKad and Mykid at the ticket counter and soon we were on our mini excursions. Mind you, there are no toilets inside the Oceanarium itself, so please try to empty your bladder and the kids, before coming in.


This was the price we paid for. The Combo was apparently for the 3D Theatre Package stuff and Souvenirs. Our Welcome Gifts included an expensive looking Fridge Magnet and a Badge. I added the Feeding Frenzy Package for Ee for an extra RM10.60. I’m not quite sure if it was worth it though. I will tell you later. We were given a plastic bag yang bergulung-gulung for that feeding part. You have no idea whats in it guys..

We were also given a piece of paper which had questionnaires on it. Kind of like a Treasure Hunt. The answers were inside the Oceanarium and upon completion, we were to hand the paper back to the reception to claim a complimentary prize even though you did not get 100% right.

Our first stop was the ‘petting area’. We get to touch a starfish, a rayfish and some other fishes. There was a lady, very friendly and was all smiles tending to us. Ee macam geli, so he refused to touch anything. Before long, we were on a momentum admiring the facts about some of the sea creatures through the questionnaires and the beautiful boards on the wall.


Everytime we get an answer to the questions, we would put a chop to the answers. Ee really enjoyed that part. Tapi jawapan main taram je. There were plenty of places to strike a pose and there were also Augmented Reality areas where someone like Ee can berlakon a bit before taking a picture.

The Feeding Frenzy Area was our last stop. We opened the plastic bag and I was disappointed. Isi ikan yg ntah brp ketul je with plastic glove. Just that for RM10.60. I would put the price for that package for at least RM5. Bagus lagi bagi kura2 Farm in the City makan kangkung sampai buncit. But since Ee enjoyed that part of the trip most –  I was torn on whether the package was worth it after all.


We handed over the paper to the reception and hey ho – we got a quality keychain each. Takyah susah2 beli souvenir. Unless you want to get extra for your family and friends.


It was an educational afternoon for both of us. I just wished that the ladies at the reception and at the turnstile gate be more charming or at least smile. Like the girl at the petting zone tu ke. Diorang sangat masam ok. Like helloo.. you are working in a place that caters to kids and family. They should learn something from the Farm in the City folks. Yang kerja kat Zoo Melaka and Legoland pun happier. Blom lagi yg kerja kat Everland Korea. Mampu nak pusing2 tangan cakap Hi?

Putting that aside, it was still a fun and expensive entertaining trip. I’m already scanning my calendar for our next Mother-Son date. Perhaps Mamee Factory at Jonker Street?



A poll to call..

The dreaded last call of the month is over and I couldn’t be happier although the cycle will probably start again in 1 week time. Recently there have been proposals to add on another form of oncall on the roster. Initially I was one of those who strongly agreed to it but now have changed my mind. Because that would mean another extra 4  – 5 calls.

Which translates into my son whining of how his mom comes back home late at night or the next day as opposed to his aunt who is home at night everyday. Which also means solo drive to work in mid morning upon being summoned to come to work. Only to of course continue the normal work shift the next day. While Mr Husband could still cope with his studies and my reckless inevitable routine – I feel bad because I’m supposed to be that stability, that fixed variable in his life so he would not have to worry about minding Ee nor of this wife commuting 27km to and fro to work everyday.

In response to the said proposal, a poll was created. The results came out as a tie. Which was not helpful. The demand of the service however is not something one could easily sweep under the rug. Because in the end the ones who benefit are ourselves and of course, the patients. Either way I have to be prepared to make unpopular decisions. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I do.. but coming from a workaholic who has to consciously make an effort to make my family my first priority – any decision is a huge step to making them matter. And a sacrifice on my part.

You are not a tree, MOVE!

SuperMom – what makes them what they are …

A happy woman is an attractive person. Which explains why the Angels of Victoria Secret look so majestic, magical and beyond reach. A flash of their huge smile could melt Elsa ‘s snow palace in seconds.

Taking a step closer to my homeland, we have women like Vivy Yusof, Marion Caunter and Sazzy Falak to name a few… that portrays an image of SuperMom in Malaysia. They are mothers to their kids and have a bustling career all year round. I am also grateful that they don’t coin terms like ‘fulltime mother’. Like, is there such thing as a part time mother??!!

They make Motherhood seem so glamorous and fun – as though their lives are full of sunshine all year around. Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE THESE WOMEN. And I totally understand that amidst the sunshine, just like any other moms, these could be rainbows … those colourful bridge of colours one get after a downpour. Everyone has their personal battles right?

I follow them on Instagram. I read their blogs. I forced myself to look into why these women are so attractive in their own manner. Of why other moms want to become like them. And this is what I discovered:

1. They made their own mark. They were able to stand on their own two feet before they met their respective partners. These ladies are not trophy wives. Instead they could potentially turn their spouses into one if he doesn’t buck up. It is important for any woman to establish herself as someone full of wort. We not need be famous. We don’t have to own a multi-million ringgit company. But we should be able to define ourselves for who we are. Dato Siti Nurhaliza for example is referred to as herself, Malaysia’s songbird now cosmetic entrepreneur. We don’t call her Datuk K’s wife, right? Hence  I, for instance should aim to be known as myself rather than Mr Husband’s wife.

2. They work hard. They play just as hard. And it shows through the smiles in pictures. The social events they attend. They are not afraid to SHOW how a particular job gets done. They share these secrets and genuinely want other women to follow suit. To actively chase their dreams. Which trails on to the next point.

3. They seem to be able to balance it all. Its as though they keep genies in their perfume bottles who could regenerate more time so they could work, have time to date the husband, play with the kids, workout to maintain that fabolous body etc. This beautiful illusion of proper time management is something all moms covet. Including myself. But if they can do it.. then why not. But here’s the secret. They know how to ask for help. Supermom has a team of little elves behind the scenes. In fact, this is how everything is able to fall into place. It’s not a crime. There’s no rule in saying supermoms must work alone. NO. Supermom knows how to delegate, organize and pick the best help around. This comes in the form of an understanding husband, a trustable nanny, dependable work colleagues and so on.

4. They still have their girl-friends. Those girls you’d hang out with before you met The One. This I feel is something that I have kind of neglected. The power of GirlPower. Its easy to toss aside those friends or housemates you’ve lived with for the past 5 years in medical school once we step into marriage. But this doesnt happen in these ladies lives. If you notice, they still hang out with the girls. They have the occasional gossip session, brunches or lunch. All this, without the husband or kids. Get what I mean? Your very own Spice Girl group is a great way to survive motherhood.


5. A strong supportive family to begin with. Their own parents and siblings that is. Notice that it takes nuturing from the early years of their lives to become who they are today. As the Malay proverb goes, ‘melentur buluh biarlah dari rebungnya’. Despite some of them not born with a silver spoon in their mouth or a privileged educational background, they were still able to defy all odds and create their own form of success in the world. This is something we should learn, I should learn. To not think that just because I don’t have a headstart, I can’t make something out of myself. If the tortoise could outrun the hare in the race, why shouldn’t we. Kan?

But these are just my plain observations. *peace*