Tag Archives: raising a boy

Love your family, but live for yourself

Posted in Everyday Life, Ponderings & Personal Development by

Once upon a time, there lived a man who tirelessly worked day and night to provide for his family. His dedication enabled him to accumulate significant wealth and purchase luxurious items for his children. With his fortune, he confidently sent his kids to prestigious schools and treated them to incredible holidays. The man believed wholeheartedly that he was doing everything right by shielding them from life’s hardships.

Time has passed, and his children are now adults. Living a sheltered life has shaped their personalities, leading them to perceive many aspects of life as toxic and misaligned with their values. They now view tasks requiring grit and resilience as challenges that push their boundaries, which they mistakenly see as threats to their mental health. Constructive advice from experienced individuals is often dismissed as condescending and disrespectful of their autonomy. Patience and resilience have become uncommon virtues. It would be surprising if they truly grasp the importance of delayed gratification.

Soon, the wealth passed on from the man to his children is depleting. The kids, unaware of the immense effort that went into acquiring this money and these possessions, treat everything as mere pocket change to be squandered or discarded. Gifts of expensive watches are carelessly sold off, houses are up for grabs, and gaming units are auctioned at a bargain. The man reflects, “What’s the point of saving millions in my bank account and working hard day and night, only for my kids to squander it and sell when they need quick cash?” Had he known this earlier, he would have chosen a different path, refusing to sacrifice his own life for such foolish gains.

Witnessing this first-hand made me realise something. I believe there is a Chinese saying that goes 富不过三代 (fù bù guò sān dài), which literally means “wealth does not pass three generations“. It means that the first generation creates the wealth, the second generation increases the wealth (due to education and building on their parents’ systems and connections), and the third generation- maybe due to decadence or decline- leads to bankruptcy!

While I love my kids, I should teach them how to fish instead of giving them all the fish. It is ok to build on their savings accounts, but keep some of the salary for myself to enjoy as well. I should not withhold myself from the simple joys of life, especially when I can afford it. Go for that movie, buy those pretty jeans and eat that nice steak. Enjoy the coffee and plan for staycations. At the same time, I should teach my kids to be resilient when facing the hard stuff of life.

Recently, I enrolled my daughter in a swimming class. The coaches are Malaysian Chinese. I am fine with that. And I want my daughter to be fine with that too by stepping out of her bubble. Schools have been so segregated nowadays that you hardly see any non-Malay students in Sekolah Kebangsaan. I am hoping that frequent, tiny exposures to people outside her race would make her feel more accustomed to them one day. I understand that learning to swim is already a challenging feat. What’s more, having to learn to communicate with people that you rarely see and interact with daily. I put good faith towards the adults there to help her feel at ease with her lessons and also welcome her into their bubble. It is still a bit hard for her at the moment. She has been saying that she doesn’t want to go, but I am instilling some motivation into her to try her best.

I am teaching her how to fish at the moment. I am not sure if my pep talk is working. She looked like she was holding in her tears. I hope that she can persevere through these 12 weeks of learning and come out as a strong swimmer and with a positive outlook on life.

Time flies. Asas 3.

Posted in Everyday Life, Parenting, Family and Relationships by

Ee is now in his 3rd year at KPPN. He is doing well in his studies and extra-curricular activities. Who would have known that this seemingly quiet young lad had his hands full last year? He is a very different person at school. He shines in charisma. At home, he sloths.

What surprised me most was that he volunteered (as in sent in an application) to become an Emcee for the annual dinner. He was selected. I mean, he doesn’t really talk much at home. Always on the phone playing his game, and suddenly, he WANTS to become an emcee.

No, wait.

Another surprising thing was that he provides ‘ironing services’. As in RM3 for a shirt, and if it is a full set, the combo is priced at RM5. On average, he is able to get RM15 per week. He said, that is ‘harga satu kemalasan’. He has his eyes on another side venture already. I am not going to tell you what it is yet. But I did say to him that he has got to be kidding. I can’t believe kids would actually pay for that.

Surprises like these are ok. I hope not to hear of horrible ones.

This year, apart from his studies, he is a member of the volleyball team. That is also new. He was into badminton before. I don’t really know what made him choose ‘botam’ instead. I am sure he has other goals in mind. How time flies.

Kids enjoying their staycation

Posted in Leisure & Travel, Parenting, Family and Relationships by

My son came back home for the school holidays just a week ago. While I was in Kuching attending a wedding, Mr Husband brought the kids to KL for a staycation. They stayed at Silka Maytower.

The kids enjoyed the pool and they sent me pictures of their adventures at KLCC and Ikea Cheras. Most importantly my son had a wonderful sleep throughout the school holidays. So much so that he missed handing in one of his assignments that carried 6 marks. I was obviously crossed. I had to remind him to finish his coursework before putting his head on the pillow. He is like his father, mata ayam. Easily dozes off when the day becomes dark. He learned his lesson.

I noticed that he is getting taller at an impressive speed. Despite not taking his meals regularly because he prefers to charge his social battery more, he seems to be having growth spurts. Again, I have to tell him to at least take one main meal during the day and at best all main meals. He usually skips dinner but he will have a heartful lunch. I dislike the idea of him having too many snacks in the dorm. His father keeps buying him those packet drinks which are full of sugar as well. I get him Bright Cow milk instead for his skin, teeth and bones. I just hope he drinks it.

He is picking up badminton as his sports choice in the evening. I did not see that coming. He never seemed like he enjoyed it before. Come to think of it, we’ve never exposed it to him. With us, he has only known chess, scrabble and ping-pong. He did join the sepak takraw club at school but they haven’t been practicing much. So his interest waned.

We paid him a short visit today as we were coming back to Melaka from Putrajaya. He was alone in the dorm because his dorm mates are from Seremban, so they tend to sleep in their own homes during the weekend. This leaves him as the only one in that room of 3 students to participate in the gotong royong where they clean their rooms every week. Seems a little unfair but it’s already towards the end of the year to be raising this issue. Plus, I think that it’s good that he gets his movement on the weekend. Maybe if they reshuffle next year (do they?), he would have roommates who could keep him company over the weekend. Anyway, the flu bug has caught up with him as well. He has been having shivers and sniffles. Mr Husband bought him some paracetamol and cough syrup. As usual, the motherly advice is to shower regularly, brush your teeth, wash your face, eat regular meals and drink lots of plain water.

Looking forward to bringing him back in another 2 weeks for his outing bermalam.

Raising a son – secondary school

Posted in Everyday Life by

When I was young, the only option I was presented and given was to enter a boarding school. My parents had faith in my intellectual ability to perform well in primary school and set me apart from other candidates to be considered for a place in one. Back then, I had no idea that the several extracurricular activities I participated in were part of the ‘points’ that would contribute towards the selection process. I honestly did it because I knew I could do it and it was fun. So there was me in a storytelling competition, choral speaking, ‘deklamasi sajak’ and traditional dance. Then there were the more ‘academic’ ones like spelling bee and maths quiz. I wasn’t good at sports though.

I sat for the UPSR. Had an IQ test done. Called for an interview. And then I was offered a place in Sekolah Tun Fatimah, a boarding school in Johor. I never set foot in any mainstream secondary school back then. Hence, it puzzles me as to why kids nowadays may need to attend their supposed secondary school first before knowing if they are selected for any other school of their choice. It disrupts leave taking plans for the parents and such.

I got to know of the term ‘feeder school’ lately. Primary schools feed their students to designated secondary schools. Therefore the first choice is always the said school whether the student like it or not. They can put in their preferred choices underneath the initial school. Obviously, schools with high academic performance with minimal social issues are popular and it could be tough trying to go in. Hence, for able students – most parents like myself would go for the obvious – choose boarding schools.

For our son, we applied for three different streams. The MRSM and Sekolah Khusus boarding schools as the first two and UKM Pintar.

Options for Sekolah Khusus

Admission to UKM Pintar is through a series of assessments and that is an ongoing process. I will write about that in a different post regardless of the outcome. As for the earlier two, it involves sending in an online application and then sitting for their respective exams. My son sat for Penilaian Kemasukan Sekolah Khusus (PKSK) a few weeks ago and soon there will be another assessment for the MRSM intake. There is another option for secondary schooling – home schooling. But I know I do not have the emotional capacity to undertake that one. I will leave that to the more capable parents.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for my son’s success. I hope he will be placed in a secondary educational centre that will give him good opportunities in the future.

Planning for a transition from primary to secondary school education

Posted in Everyday Life by

I have no plans to have another baby because my kids are at an age where they have started school. I want to create an environment in the house that will cater to their studies and upcoming adolescent years. It is exhausting to go through their wardrobe and pick out clothes that no longer fit. Then packaged them nicely in the bag for donation or recycling. I want that part to happen less frequently so that I can focus on other things better – like having a personal space, becoming authentic, encouraging creativity, instilling human-ness etc.

Personally, I feel that is what parents should do in this world we are living in. Memanusiakan manusia. I know my son is capable of learning, memorizing and calculating the academic side of things. Furthermore, established schools are known to be successful in doing that due to the quality of syllabus and training of their tutors at school. I have no qualms about that. I should alongside that make sure that my son has positive values that are aligned into becoming first class citizens. To be kind, empathetic, respectful and religious in a non-threatening way. These traits need to come from home.

My son will start his secondary school education next year. Mr Husband and I have submitted our applications to a few MRSM-based and SBP schools. The school also encouraged their students to participate in UKM’s Sekolah Pintar online exams. This is our son’s 3rd year attempting the questions and he managed to secure an interview with them soon (UKM3). We have yet to be informed of the interview’s date but it requires the presence of parents as well. Perhaps they wanted to explore the student’s family background and get to know us better.

As a parent, I am happy for his achievements so far. Nevertheless, I am also nervous of what the future has in store for him.