Forcing friendship

Even in adulthood, we learn new things about friendship.

As a parent, when I visit my own friends or attend any sort of social gathering, I tend to persuade my kids to mix and mingle with my friend’s kids too. Instead of just hugging their dad, attaching themselves to him while I’m having the time of my life catching up with the babes. I didn’t see it as something wrong. I thought it was just a natural thing to do. You know, encouraging the kids to socialize.

Until recently.

Ever since Mother died, Dad has been forwarding pictures of his friend’s kids. At the same time, mentioning facts, that I believe are consciously typed onto Whatsapp to show that we (the kids) have a common interest and that we should be friends too. Like our parents. Honestly, I wasn’t keen on the idea. I didn’t even respond to the fact that we have something in common. To me, it is like, “I’m sorry dad, but no. I do not have the obligation to be friends with your friend’s kids. Even though we are both docs

And then it struck me, my dad’s intention could be purely out of wanting me to socialize. Meet new people. Although it is very uncomfortable for me to do so as an adult. Maybe I just don’t know how to make friends anymore. Or maybe I am now pickier about who I choose to befriend.

In a way, this situation served as a reminder to me that despite my best intentions of wanting my kids to socialize, I shouldn’t also at the same time be too forceful of them being friends. I shouldn’t impose forceful relationships on my children as well. I can make the introduction but I should allow them the freedom and space to choose their own circle of friends and confidantes.

Emotional rollercoaster

Last week was actually an emotional rollercoaster for me. However, because I am in my own Trumans show – I have to play the part where I put on that Mr Bean face when he was on that rollercoaster ride. Emotionally stunted with not a care in the world. Growing up in a family with a vibe that very few people have an optimum level of mental health, I cannot help thinking if I would turn to be one of those without too – will I be the schizophrenic, the bipolar one or the depressed one. Should I hope to be the one with dementia as I age on.

PATIENCE

Being Patient] 102 Quotes To read when loosing patience. | Following  Fulfillment
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Last week I was a punching bag. Last week I was the talk of the town (topic of the lunch hour gossip session). just because I decided to speak my mind. Turns out most girls don’t like it when you lay out the problem with intent to solve it. They prefer to talk about it behind the person they have a beef with, react by displacing those anger onto other people and not solving the root of the problem.

Last week I was also ignored by my own mother as she embarked on her so called spiritual journey. Well, my sister was equally ignored. ha ha ha. We can only assume she’s still crossed that we were against her interstate trip out of concern for Covid19. Mother was not picking up our calls despite the BD trials few days in a row. We had thought it was because of poor connections. Turned out she still had time to send her pictures mingling with her newfound friends and ‘daughter’ to our youngest brother. So yeh, I guess we are those neglected daughters once again. Oh well.. she will eventually reach out once she gets into a fight with those new friends. We will still wipe her bum if she’s bedridden one day cause despite the shortcomings, we were raised to still honour our parents. Only wished that dad, being the lifetime partner and all would exhibit more effort to show his wife that he cares and not just a facebook stunt. duak kali limak jak nya duak ya.

I am already physically tired with work and managing the household. And now I have to endure all these emotional aftermaths on my side of the field. People seems to think that it is OK to behave the way they did because ‘as a student of psychology, I should be able to understand’. Thing is, I am still a student of psychology, I am still learning the theories and adapting that to real life. We don’t just get things in our first year of study!

Anyway, the discomfort is slowly passing as I ease my way into diverting my focus onto other aspects in life. I have become very good in dissociating myself from problems, removing myself from equations and be my own entity. Burning bridges – What a way to end 2020.

A Friend. A Colleague.

How can you tell if your work colleague is now your friend? What line did they cross to qualify themselves as a friend in the workplace? Is it accurate to say that a colleague is automatically a friend when you have lunch together? Or there are more gestures to it? Like having to share details about your personal life, to only then be considered a friend as opposed to a colleague? If I add you as a friend on Facebook, surely that means we are, NO?

To be honest, I don’t have a precise answer. Perhaps it is meant to be rhetoric?

I am thinking about this Friend Vs Colleague question because I had a pitfall in communication with a friend at work today. I have always thought that if you consider someone as your friend, your choice of words and tone would be a bit different during a conversation compared to when it is with a colleague. The topic of discussion would also be more chummy and less formal since we’re friends. Thus, when it comes to correcting a mistake and all, I feel there is a different approach when you need to reprimand a friend as opposed to just another work colleague.

A lady came to the clinic for a health documentation issue. It was a matter which could, in my opinion, be resolved on the same day. However, this friend who happened to see that lady decided that it should be addressed on a different date. My enquiry to his plan resulted in a few exchanges that ended with a statement by him that took me aback. Simply because it wasn’t something that I would expect a friend would say to another. Honestly, I felt a bit hurt. Hati tisu, tengah menses some more. Tengok kucing sembelit pun boleh nangis. Hahaha.

After the statement, I could sense a change in the atmosphere of the room. We would usually have small chats in between patients but this morning it just felt awkward. We were still talking to each other but it was minimal and superficial. I think we both tried to pretend that everything is OK. That I was not offended with his statement. I convinced myself that him saying that, was just him being himself (which is kinda true.. don’t we all accept the true colours of our friends – be it good or bad?) I persuaded myself to think that perhaps he was having a bad day and this lady was just the final straw that made him tick.

But it also made me think if through his eyes, whether I was a Friend or just a Colleague to him? Cause to me, he is a friend and there is a possibility that this friendship I’m offering to him was never actually reciprocated in the first place.

o.m.g