Good father, lousy husband

Disclaimer : not my husband

Just over a year ago, on this date, I came to know the story of a lousy husband. Let’s call him H. That time around, Covid-19 was really bad. People were very scared of it. Anyone who is known to have the disease was immediately quarantined for fear it would infect other people and bring out the worst health complication for the person.

H’s wife, J unfortunately got the disease. Worse still, she was not vaccinated. There was a long queue for the vaccine and her turn had yet to come. What pissed me off was H having the nerve to not allow J to enter their home. His wicked ass packed J’s clothes in a bag and was thrown out the door. J was to sleep at their second home, roughly 20km away. Only that, the house was not furnished with no groceries in the house. Or clean water. Did he expect J to buy them on her own? J was to drive herself there while being ill. Ini ke yang orang panggil sehidup semati? Ini ke yang orang panggil sayang bini?

J drove to her daughter’s house instead, who also has Covid and stayed there. H and J are considered a couple in their 60s. They already have adult children.

The only thing H was concerned about was whether J sanitized the taps at the other house after use. He had no idea J was at their daughter’s house undergoing quarantine together. He did not even think of J having meals to eat, a blanket to cover herself in case it gets cold or if she needed basic necessities like soap to wash.

Having such a lousy husband did make me wonder why J didn’t leave him earlier. In search of a better husband. It also made me realize it is not easy to just walk out of marriage especially when children are at stake. J had put up with a lot of things just so her children could have a father. To her, it would be difficult to raise her children especially when she lacks the qualifications to land a job that would pay good money to do that. So, she remained patient with her kids. It didn’t take long for a decade to grow into 20 years and then into 30 years.

In a way, H was a somewhat doting father but he could be a better husband. His children had a wonderful childhood, he showered them with gifts. He made sure they have a formal education. It was only with time as they grew up that they discovered he wasn’t a great husband to their mom. At this point, I also realized that even if the children become adults, in their parent’s eyes, they are still children and that they do not have to interfere in ‘adult’ things.

5th anniversary

This relationship with Mr Husband is probably the longest romantic one I’ve had as compared to the other candidates. That’s why we call it marriage. It also means we can fart in each other’s faces like no ones business. This also means I get away with certain things and ideas just because I’m the wife.

I am not going to dispense any advice because usia perkahwinan baru 5thn jagung – I shall leave that to other marriage gurus. I also do not wish to praise my husband because well.. I am sure every other wife too thinks that their husband is the best, the most understanding, a great cook and such.

I learnt one great tip about keeping the marriage going though. And that is to always BEREBUT-REBUT. Berebut to bathe Ee, berebut to bring the rubbish out (lol..seronoklah sangat..), berebut to prepare breakfast, berebut to do the laundry (this I would pretend), berebut to be the best in what we do and try to outperform each other when it comes to work and of course berebut to nourish the other half with love and respect. So far the extreme enthusiasm to berebut is not 100% but hey, the idea is there. Tee heee heee..

Enough with berebut, I too want to narrate my hopes for the coming year of our marriage.

DEAR HUSBAND,

  1. Let’s do another House Mega Project. After all our home is our Jannah. It keeps our friendship alive, we are spending our hard earned money for a good cause and of course it brings out the best in you – your so called interior designing skills.
  2. When you have your semester break, maybe we can travel the world again. I don’t need London. Lombok pun boleh.
  3. Continue to be Redha with my current job description as an ED and Anaes Medical Officer. I understand at times I am sloppy when it comes to housekeeping and home cooked meals (not that you request for a full course meal anyway), or I am late with the laundry and spend my weekends in the hospital because I am oncall. InsyaAllah I will find a way out of this plateau life – in fact if there is a recognized external exam for Anaesthesia I will study and sit for it. jgnlah ada 
  4. Let me indulge in my hobbies – it seems that this time around it is revolving around planners, journals, scrapbooking and such. It will distract me from buying new tudung. Hihi.
  5. Ever consider trying for ‘adik Ee’?

Finally, be my best friend forever. Like ever and ever. Lets grow old together – probably making mistakes too along the way but still be able to laugh about them. cheers to being a team for the past 5 years – sometimes I can’t help being proud of myself for being able to spend my dreams and life with you. And putting up with your sarcasm.

Art of War?

“Whenever you are confronted with an opponent. Conquer him with love.” 
― Mahatma Gandhi

It is inevitable to have a lover’s fight in marriage. Sometimes over something big, the rest over petty issues – like farting under the covers.

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When I was in medical school, I came across this particular great couple. They are now happily married and blessed with a son. During that time, they have known each other for nearly 8 years. Yup, their love story started in secondary school.

What inspired me from their relationship  is how they fight. The art of their quarrel is so beautiful if I may say that to the unknowing, wouldn’t have known that World War 2 was on the brink of becoming World War 3. Such was the stealth of the matter that I felt compelled to do likewise in my marriage.

Despite the burning rage within them, they’d still hold each others hand while walking. The girl would still bring her guy drinks and the guy would still open the door for her. The give-away would probably be in their conversation as it would be limited to only the present moment. Sort of like,

“ketchup?”

“no”

And once the anger has cooled down, soon enough everything is back to normal and reasons of being angry towards each other in the first place can be discussed in a much pleasant mood.

Gandhi sure has a point.

Love,

th_coffee

YASMIN MUSTA

An advice to Suri

 “Love is everything it’s cracked up to be … It really is worth fighting  for, being brave for, risking everything for.”

Erica Jong

Im no Oprah. But I dispensed 2 precious advice (off prescription) on marriage and having kids to one of my colleagues, Suri at work yesterday.

  1. Have your honeymoon. Make time for a honeymoon. Go somewhere memorable. Do something nice together, alone. After all.. you’re getting married in MO-ship. You get to have longer time off work. Dont be like me, I already have a baby and I havent even gone for my honeymoon.
  2. Your sleep-deprived moments start not when the baby comes out, its the 3rd trimester. Then, its there to stay for life. Until you get time for yourself – a holiday, a spa moment et cetera.

Our simple date night

“The husband who decides to surprise his wife is often very much surprised himself”
Voltaire

Its not easy to get a one on one time with Mr Husband considering that we’re both doctors with busy schedule. On top of that we have Baby Zeeq who needs an equally quality time from both of us as well.

So this weekend came as a blessing when we’re both not on call . We took the opportunity to drive up to Saujana and brought Baby Zeeq to see his grandparents. Then, as the saying goes..  killing two birds with one stone.. we both went out for our rare date night as Baby Zeeq spends some time with his tok dedi and nek mami.

We went for a movie, had brunch at SUBWAYS, shop for shoes!!! Part beli kasut yah best kerana laki aku sponsorrrrrrrrrrr.. I like. Plus, it was a pair of sandals that he chose himself. He had always criticise my choice of footwear so he might as well get one which kononnya suits me himself. huahauhua..

Hmph.. duak hari jak pun jadilah… it was a break that we both needed before its work again next week.