Tag Archives: raising a girl

Love your family, but live for yourself

Posted in Everyday Life, Ponderings & Personal Development by

Once upon a time, there lived a man who tirelessly worked day and night to provide for his family. His dedication enabled him to accumulate significant wealth and purchase luxurious items for his children. With his fortune, he confidently sent his kids to prestigious schools and treated them to incredible holidays. The man believed wholeheartedly that he was doing everything right by shielding them from life’s hardships.

Time has passed, and his children are now adults. Living a sheltered life has shaped their personalities, leading them to perceive many aspects of life as toxic and misaligned with their values. They now view tasks requiring grit and resilience as challenges that push their boundaries, which they mistakenly see as threats to their mental health. Constructive advice from experienced individuals is often dismissed as condescending and disrespectful of their autonomy. Patience and resilience have become uncommon virtues. It would be surprising if they truly grasp the importance of delayed gratification.

Soon, the wealth passed on from the man to his children is depleting. The kids, unaware of the immense effort that went into acquiring this money and these possessions, treat everything as mere pocket change to be squandered or discarded. Gifts of expensive watches are carelessly sold off, houses are up for grabs, and gaming units are auctioned at a bargain. The man reflects, “What’s the point of saving millions in my bank account and working hard day and night, only for my kids to squander it and sell when they need quick cash?” Had he known this earlier, he would have chosen a different path, refusing to sacrifice his own life for such foolish gains.

Witnessing this first-hand made me realise something. I believe there is a Chinese saying that goes 富不过三代 (fù bù guò sān dài), which literally means “wealth does not pass three generations“. It means that the first generation creates the wealth, the second generation increases the wealth (due to education and building on their parents’ systems and connections), and the third generation- maybe due to decadence or decline- leads to bankruptcy!

While I love my kids, I should teach them how to fish instead of giving them all the fish. It is ok to build on their savings accounts, but keep some of the salary for myself to enjoy as well. I should not withhold myself from the simple joys of life, especially when I can afford it. Go for that movie, buy those pretty jeans and eat that nice steak. Enjoy the coffee and plan for staycations. At the same time, I should teach my kids to be resilient when facing the hard stuff of life.

Recently, I enrolled my daughter in a swimming class. The coaches are Malaysian Chinese. I am fine with that. And I want my daughter to be fine with that too by stepping out of her bubble. Schools have been so segregated nowadays that you hardly see any non-Malay students in Sekolah Kebangsaan. I am hoping that frequent, tiny exposures to people outside her race would make her feel more accustomed to them one day. I understand that learning to swim is already a challenging feat. What’s more, having to learn to communicate with people that you rarely see and interact with daily. I put good faith towards the adults there to help her feel at ease with her lessons and also welcome her into their bubble. It is still a bit hard for her at the moment. She has been saying that she doesn’t want to go, but I am instilling some motivation into her to try her best.

I am teaching her how to fish at the moment. I am not sure if my pep talk is working. She looked like she was holding in her tears. I hope that she can persevere through these 12 weeks of learning and come out as a strong swimmer and with a positive outlook on life.

Haneem’s Khatam Quran

Posted in Everyday Life, Good Things, Parenting, Family and Relationships by

Khatam Quran, meaning the completion of the recitation of the Holy Quran, is a significant milestone for many Muslims. This act signifies not just the finishing of the Quran but also a spiritual journey filled with reflection and devotion. Many aim to complete the Quran during the month of Ramadan, engaging in daily recitation to deepen their connection with Allah and to gain a better understanding of Islamic teachings. The completion is often met with joy and gratitude, as it represents a personal achievement in one’s spiritual growth.

The celebration of the Khatam Quran typically includes communal gatherings, where family and friends come together to honour this sacred accomplishment. These gatherings often involve collective prayers, the recitation of verses, and heartfelt supplications, known as du’as, during which individuals seek blessings and guidance. Additionally, it is common to perform acts of charity, embodying the values of generosity and community spirit that are emphasised in Islam. Through such celebrations, Khatam Quran not only strengthens individual faith but also fosters a sense of unity and shared purpose within the community.

Haneem had her ceremony recently. It was planned by Mr Husband and his side of the family. Haneem said she was nervous but braved on. She has been practising her recitations with her cousin, who also Khatam Quran for the past few weeks during the school holidays.

On the day itself, both of them recited the Quran in front of the imam. Then, everyone had a meal. My MIL ordered some catering. Mr Husband and his siblings prepared the goodie bag. Haneem and her cousin received monetary gifts from guests. It is not compulsory but the kids obviously loved them. Haneem received RM230 in total and requested all of it to be placed inside her Tabung Haji account. Bless her heart.

2024 kids’s sports day

Posted in Everyday Life by

The theme for this year was Flora and Fauna. My daughter said she was participating in sukaneka. The school had a really small field and even if there were plans to expand, there is just not enough land. I really enjoyed the parade. The teachers put a lot of effort into the props and costumes.

My daughter loved the free chocolate milk drink from FarmFresh. MILO used to have a monopoly over these events where their trucks came into school to provide free milo drinks. With the Palestine war still going on, local institutions have started to shift their attention to local produce. FarmFresh is one of them. We also got ice cream that cost RM3/cone. Ice cream always tastes nice in the hot weather.

Now is the Olympics season. That is something to look forward to. I like that now with social media, we also get to see what the Olympians do in their everyday routine. They have been sharing about the Olympic Village, their food, their feelings and stuff. I really like that. Plus, seeing old Olympians compete is just inspiring. We have the senior ladies in table tennis and of course the Turkish ‘hitman’ who has been made a meme recently. These Olympians are so cool.

Mothering up

Posted in Parenting, Family and Relationships by

We always talk about child and adolescent development but Erikson kind of made it clear that human beings grow and develop themselves their whole lives. Recently, my youngest daughter asked me if I have any more babies in my tummy because she wanted to become a big sister. I told her I don’t have any more babies and that she could always become a bigger sister to her baby cousins. It was at that moment, that it became clear to me that yes, I have made a conscious decision to complete my family.

Having said that, it would mean shifting my focus toward raising a son who is already in his early adolescence year and my daughter who is in preschool. Thus, it would be wise to let go of all the baby stuff and revamp the house environment to support the development of my kids into personalities that will bring them further in life.

As of now, this will be a mental note.

  • I am currently too exhausted to do spring cleaning during Ramadhan but I guess I am ready to say goodbye to all the strollers, baby carriers, soft toys, baby books, baby Tupperware and all. so, there will be mass decluttering later after Raya and I have lots of candidates at my workplace, those who are still building a family who might want these things for their children.
  • I would need to be more active in not only their studies but also their emotional well-being, especially my son who will at one point undergo puberty. The recent experience of forwarding my complaint to the school’s headmaster kind of mustered my courage to do more for not only my kids and my nieces but also for their friends.
  • Planning ahead a direction for their future. Money. Type of school. Something that spells out ambition.
  • character consolidation. kids should turn out better than the parents. better than me.

Thinking about this is making me tired already. *yawn*