Last year we had this teaching session on mental health disorders. We did an assessment of ourselves using the PHQ9 and the GAD7. Somehow my score came to a ‘moderate anxiety’. I knew I had some form of anxiety when it came to certain things, but categorising it as moderate clicked for me. However, it is still manageable. It does disrupt my sleep patterns and affects my stress levels from time to time. But I can still function. I just need longer time to execute a task or do something that some people find easy peasy to do. Sometimes I’d subconsciously allay my anxiety by engaging in ‘absurd’ behaviour such as taking a long way back home instead of a shorter route. Simply because I could not cross to the other side of the road because of the heavy traffic.

This year we are celebrating Eid Adha at my place. You have no idea how long it took me to prepare for this bit by bit. I believe the preparation to this day took me at least 2 months. It’s for things like thinking of a menu, washing up old linens, decluttering the house, making the plants presentable, setting up the family’s place to sleep etc.

Speaking of prep, I encountered 3 unpleasant incidents.

• Car service – since I am on leave, I requested for the service to be carried out on my own porch. It was after all the type of service offered by the mechanic, not something that I mengada-ngada mintak. Plus, that was supposed to be the app’s special feature. That is you can have the service done at home. Lo and behold, on the day that the service was due, I received a phone call saying that they are unable to go ahead with the task. They were short of manpower. I laid out two options: either give me a refund or reschedule for another date. I even gave out my dates for them to choose from. It came down to a reschedule. There must be a reason why they couldn’t refund the money. Incompetence, maybe?
• I ordered lemang periuk kera and rendang from a vendor I found on Facebook. At first, I made an enquiry if they were taking any orders in the first place. They responded with a confident ‘yes’ but have not made a formal announcement yet. That was my first red flag because my enquiry was made a week before Eid and for the vendor not to post their services prior to such an important festival is just suss. Secondly, the seller commented that he will re-notify me of the price in the near time. That is the second red flag. If you are an experienced seller and are taking orders, you wouldn’t hesitate to reveal the price in an instant. My gut was saying, they will cancel this order next week. So, I bought instant lemang for my ‘just in case occasion. Indeed, when I sent a message to request the price and reconfirm the purchase, the answer was predictable. The seller was unable to proceed with the order. To me, it’s straightforward. Should a customer like myself make a courtesy call to enquire first-hand about your service, should you anticipate that you will be unable to fulfil it, just say, I am sorry – we are not taking orders for Hari Raya Haji. May I suggest this vendor who makes an equally delicious serving of lemang instead?
• Sate delivery. I am an anxious person. Meaning, until a task is completed and ticked off my list – I would be worrying about it till wit’s end. So for other people, when they are waiting for their delivery or waiting for someone to arrive at their house – they may be able to still do other things peacefully. I can’t. I am unable to do that. I will end up being restless throughout the wait. So if you haven’t actually dispatched my order via Lalamove, don’t say that you have. just say I will start my delivery at 5pm and it will reach you in 1 hour. At least I know for the next 30 minutes I am good.

Now that the Eid celebration is over, I can focus my anxiety on new things. Meaning my assignments and my attachment at Klinik Desa. Will share what happened on Eid later.