This was a story from my colleague.

It was about an elderly couple in their 60s. They have 4 children throughout their marriage. The husband was saying that his wife was too emotional. My colleague explored further regarding the problem. The wife’s concern stemmed from the feeling of being neglected – his husband was always on the phone. She is a housewife and their children have all grown up, the youngest being 20. She had no close friends and is living far from her family. The husband enjoys scrolling social media, chatting on Whatsapp and tracking his cryptocurrency investments.

Why does this remind me of my parents?

Mom was a housewife with grown-up children. Compared to this lady, Mom could drive and she had money to spend. She did not receive much allowance from her husband (only RM400/month to cover household expenses and herself) but she did get a good amount from me and my sister. Even then, when my brothers started working, this meagre amount of RM400 was nearly halved by the husband on the grounds that there were only 2 of them in the house and that they don’t spend much. I was flabbergasted and thankfully, the KEDEKUT plan was not implemented. Seriouslah.. dgn bini sendiri pun nak kedekut.

Wives don’t ask for much. They just want attention. A kind word. A nice response. An unexpected gift and all. The elderly lady earlier just wanted her husband to eat dinner with her properly without glancing at the phone. Or bring her out for breakfast. A walk at the shopping mall, maybe? He is a pensioner with a lot of time in the world, spend time sikit dengan bini tak boleh?

My mom’s husband was kind of doing the same thing. Always on the phone. When Mom was alive, he preferred working instead of enjoying quiet time with his wife. Now when Mom’s dead, boleh lak suka duduk kat rumah.

I have a feeling that Mom felt neglected due to her spouse thinking that she wouldn’t be able to carry a conversation with him. Conversations about his work, the ministers, politics, Datuk here and there – which explains why his choice of female acquaintance nowadays (since he’s a widow), are ladies that speaks fluent English, with money.. – those women in heels and modern attire. Perhaps marriages of older times were about conveniences. To chase a timeline? To beat the biological clock?

TAWAR HATI

The good thing is the elderly lady that came to my colleague is not tawar hati. She still cries and cares about her husband. She still takes note what her husband thinks about her and all. My mom was already tawar hati. Which is why she began to seek her own happiness. Malays say mencari kebahagiaan sendiri. Going to religious classes, go shopping etc. Her tawar hati has reached a level that if her husband died, she wouldn’t shed a tear. The thing is Allah has His own plans – He invited my mom to Barzakh first.

Perhaps there is good in this after all. And now we siblings are left to attend to her husband’s antiques.

As for the elderly couple, the wife was referred to the counsellor for further exploration of her issues. I hope all ends well for them.