One of the most difficult things in adulting is to reproach a family member, a friend or a colleague. It is not even scolding. Far from criticising. All this was done out of the public eye. Apparently, it is also a difficult matter among adults to accept advice and criticism in an open manner.

I reproached an individual I consider a friend a few days ago through a trusted third party. Also a friend. I made a decision to do so because I felt she did something wrong, which consequently stirred uneasy feelings among other colleagues at our workplace. Like any other occasion, these ill feelings are not conveyed to her at point-blank. Instead, they are discussed and circulated among a few people. To me, this is unhealthy. Because that was how this wrongdoing reached my knowledge in the first place.

Knowing that the workplace walls have ears, I thought I was right in my approach to make this poorly thought-out behaviour known to the person of interest. Through a middle person, the best friend. For reasons that these actions could be reflected upon and avoided. It is because I feel that in the future, if the same behaviour is carried out, it will bring negative consequences to this individual.

I expressed my points clearly in the WhatsApp message with the hope that the receiving end would understand my point of view and respond appropriately to the message.

Unfortunately, I was wrong. I don’t really know how it played out between them, but suddenly, I am the bad guy. The body language was so obvious that tension filled the air whenever the person of interest and I were in the same room.

This incident made me question my approach. What I thought was an act to ‘save this friend’ backfired instead. I did ponder it for a few days.

I mean, I tak mengumpat.

I had this person’s best interest in mind, as she is up for evaluation any time. The supervisor’s input might be influenced by certain people, and that’s quite dangerous if it is motivated by ill-harboured feelings.

I wanted to solve the problem. I thought I went to the correct person for assistance to cushion the aftermath of my advice. Despite the thoughtful measures (or so I thought), it did not turn out well. Consequently, we are just not on speaking terms at the moment. I could sense it. Ha ha.

As an empath, this is quite a hurtful experience. However, this is a learning curve for me. I should have known that I could not help everybody. Or more of, not everybody wants to be helped. And that maybe in certain situations, the best way would just be to turn a blind eye and let the person learn their own lesson.