The challenges in raising children

When parenting techniques and goals are not in line – that poses a challenge in itself. The best type of parenting is Authoritative Parenting. The least favourite are the Authoritarian, Permissive and Neglectful type.

One of the questions us parents got during the UKM Pintar interview was

What are the challenges in nurturing our son?

My husband had a long pause. I’ve already got a list in my head but I had to be careful with what I choose to say as it may affect his chances to enter the institution. I said something about his lack of possessing street-smart skills. My son is undeniably good in math-like logical thinking, solving sequence problems and such but he falls short of the ability to solve OTHER worldly problems. Just the other day I brought him to a recycling bin near LOTUS. It took a while for him to figure out how to open the bin. He kept looking back at me, giving me the eye that signals for my help. I stayed put in my car and told him to find a solution. Once he did, he struggled a bit to open it because it was a bit heavy but not too heavy for a 12 year old. I know. He just needed to put in some muscle strength to it. I thought he would give it another go but he stopped and just stood there. Waiting for me to rescue. I REFUSED TO HELP HIM. Instead, I told him to try again. After much trying, he finally managed to get the bin to open.

This is not the first time he exhibited this sort of behaviour. When he was a toddler, around the age of 4, his paternal grandfather placed some cushions in his walking pathway, wanting him to find a way to pass through the cushions. Instead of climbing the cushion or finding spaces in between to walk through the obstruction – he stopped in his path and just stared at the cushion. He went back the way he came and did not even explore the cushions in front of him. That was when I knew that with my son – if he is to survive the streets – he needs to be taught on every single, nitty gritty ways of living.

Like knowing when to throw the trash, wiping the dinner table, keeping a clean desk, hanging his clothes to dry, folding the socks, washing his shoes, BRUSHING HIS TEETH! Then, as parents – there is a need to mould some sort of emotional intelligence or empathy in his interactions with other people. Despite living in a Melakan environment – all this sort of ‘gurau kasar’ talk is not going to be beneficial for him. He should not talk like a Melakan adult. He should not think that attending school programmes and helping teachers is a waste of time. He should not use the word Keling even if that is what the elders before us use in their conversations with their friends. While to them it is more of a descriptive word for a person – society nowadays see that as racist.

Kids with high IQ have been known to have low EQ. Rarely do we see those who could have both. If your child is one of those who have both – good for you but don’t say that the statement is not true. high IQ kids with low EQ, if they are not nurtured appropriately will grow up to become arrogant, narcissistic adults who thinks they are always right without an ounce of thought and guilt towards other people.

I stand with Palestine

For outsiders to support Israel -it is mostly because they haven’t understood the whole situation. They will gain a better understanding of that with time – if Palestinians still exist on the face of the earth. I wasn’t supporting Israel but it still took me a while to understand the apartheidism and ethnic cleansing of Palestinians. It was never a crisis in the first place. It was pure discrimination and what is openly described as an ‘open-air’ prison.

The Gaza Strip is a very small area, to begin with. It is smaller than the state of Melaka. Narrowing it down, it is half the size of Jasin district. It is that small. And yet, the Israelis are destroying the place with more ammo than what the US has dropped onto Afghanistan before. The attack was carried out in the name of self-defence against Hamas and yet the armed forces have violated the ‘rules of war’. Killing journalists, cutting out humanitarian aid and bombing hospitals are atrocious acts of ‘self-defence’.

Pro-Israeli media highlighted what happened on the day Hamas attacked yet never went beyond that day to show the rising numbers of Palestinians killed afterwards. If the Palestinians and foreign humanitarian aides did not share their plight on social media – we would never have known that their resources were limited and rationed to the minimum. Kita takde air 6 jam pun dah mengamuk. Internet lambat pun dah susah hati.

Some refused to believe that this was apartheid and ethnic cleansing. Unfortunately, it is and all that the UN can do right now is to make statements and ‘call on the international community to urgently mediate a ceasefire between warring Hamas and Israeli occupation forces’. Malaysia ni negara kecik, duit tak banyak – kuasa besar dunia buat apa? tengok je?

Beras – I buy

I buy big bulk groceries every month. The big buys would be the carbs, protein and snacks. I would occasionally run to the Family Store to replenish my fruits, vegetables and bread. Even then, the bill still totals at least RM100 on those small runs. This is minus the toothpaste, shower foams, laundry detergents or dishwashing soap.

Lately, there has been a lot of bad press about politicians trying to undermine the severity of inflation towards the price of food. Although I am fortunate that I can still afford to have food on my table – I still feel that the comments they make are very insensitive towards people who are struggling and trying to provide for themselves and their families.

There was a viral tiktok video circulating about YB Fuziah Salleh buying her groceries for less than RM200 and kind of dissing people who said they need to spend more for their household. Although she tried to defend herself saying that it was an old video, it was still a bad video on her part. She shouldn’t even consider creating such content in the first place. I mean, what is she trying to prove? Eating one piece of chicken at a time to last over the whole month. That the ‘poor’ tak boleh makan sedap sikit? Mesti confine themselves to yang basic sahaja? The choice of food the B40 and M40 can make – is already hard enough with the income they earn. Why diss them?

Things are becoming worse nowadays due to the fact that the price of beras is higher. I buy the beras for my home. So far I still have half of the Tupperware container left – so I haven’t actually bought new beras with the current price. But I still empathize with other people who are struggling to buy our local produced rice – which seems to have limited supply nowadays. Macam.. sampai macam ni ke kar-tel nak buat perangai? Simpan stock? Corruption celah mana plak ni?

Healthy choices cost more?

In Malaysia, we have this food pyramid that is promoting the public to incorporate more fruits and vegetables into their diet. Although we have a lot of easily available tropical fruits in the country – it is somehow viewed as the less important part of their diet. That it is just a dessert or a garnish to the main dish.

If say I buy a meal at Nandos. The quarter chicken is the main dish and the rice, pasta, vege and fruit salad are described as side dishes. This is something I noticed when Westerners (on Instagram) describe their meals. Honestly, it is fine. It helps you to understand why some people can make good food choices. Having said that, to take rice as the main dish is also fine. Nowadays, people are very interested in the Korean food culture and a good example we can take from them is that – the rice comes in a small bowl and they have lots of side dishes that come with it. It seems that they have lots of vegetables on board, fermented or steamed. Of course, they also love their beef and chicken alongside their alcohol.

During my grocery run, the staple vegetables are lettuce, mushrooms, pak choy, mini cucumber and carrots. This is a must for every trip. However, I will alternate the other vegetables. For example, in one week I would have brinjals, broccoli, capsicum and spinach. And then on another trip I might have cauliflower, lady’s fingers, sweet peas and long beans. Something like that.

For fruits, I will almost always have seedless grapes but of a particular brand. There was Shining Muscat the other week but I have yet to see another appearance recently. Strawberries are a must even though it is a small packet because my daughter loves them. Also bananas. I would get Kiwi and blueberries too if they are on sale. Watermelons are picked up occasionally together with dragon fruit and apples. The family would not eat them unless the fruits were sliced up properly. When the mangoes are in season, I will get them too.

I drink a lot of milk as well. As in me as a grown-up. My kids have them in their cereal. I take them with coffee or just like that. So I would definitely get the big Farm Fresh milk bottle on my trips and buy the carton ones from other brands to drink because the fresh milk will run out before my next grocery trip.

I rarely get carbonated drinks but I do get yoghurt drinks or fruit juices. In this home, I try to encourage my children to have plain water most of the time. I’d be getting them cute tumblers or cups for them to have their drinks.

So, do healthy food choices cost more? It depends on how many mouths you need to feed given the money you have. It is cheaper and more fulfilling to have more rice on board if say the family is only eating one main meal a day. Therefore, they would think twice about spending their money on fruits and vegetables that could be used for other food choices instead.

To me, it still contributes to the cost of the grocery run. It would be great to see more Malaysian families consume their fruit and vegetables wholeheartedly like they have their carbs. Tapi tuhlah – bab beras pun tak settle lagi.

INFJ aesthetic

This was something I got off Pinterest and it is eerily accurate. Well, most.

Love laptops and gadgets – if you don’t know what to get me for my birthday, it is safe to get me earphones or headphones, a cute power bank, or some sort of tech for my studies. Although I have a desktop at the moment, I am still on the hunt for a new laptop. Maybe Acer, HP.. not picky. BUT I am loyal to Samsung when it comes to handphones.

Knowledge and thinking – goes without saying. I am up for any form of educational-based activities.

Old buildings and spiralled staircases, bottled messages, handwritten love letters – I like that these places have a ‘soul’ keeping in stories of the past. I love messages in hard copy. I still keep the one a dormmate gave me when we were 16 years old. It was a letter of appreciation for being friends.

planners and journals, bookstores and libraries with high ceilings, stationery stores – I could just immerse myself in these places. as for cute notebooks and journal accessories, I definitely have lots of them.

math formula sheets? I love the look of it – it appears smart. But I don’t have the brains to complete the math formula

The vastness of the universe, reading other’s souls, deep meaningful conversations – I have been analyzing people a lot ever since I studied psychology. Not so much of trying to place them inside a category. More of trying to understand why they put on a certain behaviour. If I cannot find people to have deep conversations with, I actually talk to myself. In my head.

Contemporary art gallery, poetry, art-house films – I have yet to develop a passion towards this form of creativity. Maybe I should explore it one day.

Polygamy

We bought our current house back in 2012. Back then, Mr Husband was very diligent in mopping the house, wiping the fans and cleaning the porch. Due to our growing family and added responsibilities, those tasks were not executed frequently anymore but he has shifted his focus into doing the laundry and taking out the trash.

Recently, Mr Husband bought another house roughly 10km away. It was located in a gated residence, definitely bigger than our current abode. He said it could be like a ‘homestay’ or somewhat like our ‘country home’. Which was fine because our life was certainly not built around that house. The kid’s schools and our workplace were quite a distance from it. This explains why I wasn’t that keen to perceive that house as a possible main home. Furthermore, I was bothered by the thought of how I was going to clean the house. To me, it’s alright to clean on your own if you have a single-storey home but once it upgrades into a double or triple-storey house – you need to have helpers for each level. Even if the lady of the house is a housewife!

Why am I talking about a house under the topic of polygamy?

It was because recently a guy who owns a Tesla went viral for his intentions to practice polygamy. Well, he’s already married with his second wife. Perhaps to him, it was something he could afford to do. Perhaps he has not read this Facebook article, the non-religious part of polygamy, of how hard it can be to handle two wives. There have to be two of everything so that each wife could have the same experience. Each wife gets a London trip experience, and each wife gets the same handbag, the same kitchen pantry etc. Tak penat?

Not to mention the jealousy that comes with it. I mean when my husband bought this new house – I got jealous of the house because he spends almost every weekend there. I had to find my own joy by surfing Youtube videos, visiting my sister and strolling at the mall or something to buffer the jealousy. And it’s just a house! In polygamy, that also means two houses to sort out, clean and maintain. Two sets of in-laws with different qualities and needs.

Tesla man is fortunate that his first wife consented to the marriage. If it was up to me, I’d demand for a divorce first. I later learned that after the union, he is promoting a product that is supposed to enhance male performance in séxual relations.😑 Apeda