Category Archives: Ponderings & Personal Development

My way, your way

Posted in All in a days work, Ponderings & Personal Development by

A communication breakdown happened recently. At my workplace. I haven’t experienced such reprimanding from a superior for a while. It felt like I was a houseman back again. Only this time, I am older (by age) with more work experience. This made me feel less intimidated by the attempt of another person wanting to exert their power over me.

There were mixed advice and comments when other colleagues learned of our little meeting. Some said we should resist the authoritative commands and stick to what we have been doing all this while. Others said to just go with the flow as at the end of the day, the superior is the head of the team and anything done needs her approval and clearance. What do I think?

Play safe.

LOCUS OF CONTROL

In psychology, there is a concept known as ‘locus of control’. An individual with an internal locus of control would perceive challenges or life events as something that they could control and change its course. They have confidence that their knowledge, skills or whatever ‘power’ it is that they have in their hands could help them surpass the obstacles. An individual with an external locus of control tends to think that their life events are wholly determined by fate, luck and chance. So much so that even if they pass an exam due to their own efforts, they tend to think that it is because the paper was designed to be easy.

I believe that we all have a mix of both. In fact, as we perceive the world around us, we may have realized that there are certain things that we can control, we can influence and that we do not have control of.

So, back to the problem.

What I can control

I can control my attitude and feelings in response to the reprimanding session. I can concentrate on the facts of the matter and improve on that. I do not need to dwell on the matter for too long and instead take steps to work towards what is required for a fruitful discussion or consultation.

What I can influence

I can influence how we choose to continue our meet-ups or modes of communication. I can influence how my team members work with me. I can try to make them like me or avoid me at all costs. The key word here is influence. Thus, I must be prepared to accept that despite my attempt to influence, some people just wouldn’t budge from their actions and stand.

What I cannot control

Which brings on this part of the challenge. I cannot change everyone’s school of thought. Everyone has been brought up in a certain background and exposed to a variety of life circumstances. This forms their personality and perception of the world. While I may attempt to influence, it is something that I cannot control.

The ultimate controller lies in Allah S.W.T. He who moves the world and the hearts of people. This is why although sometimes I think I cannot control something, I still believe in the power of doa, the power of prayer. Ask from HIM all that your heart desires and if it is something meant for you, InsyaAllah it will be granted. It is only a matter of time.

My sister purchased my gold bar for her kid’s education fund

Posted in Ponderings & Personal Development by

My younger sister wanted to buy a gold bar. To be specific, my 5gm mini gold bar. I offered to order another one for her and wait for her parcel but she wanted it like – ASAP. So I sold it to her based on the market price and got minimal ‘untung’ from the selling-buying agreement between siblings.

I also sold her one of those cute 1gm sim-card-sized gold bars for RM350. I gave her the least favourable design per her standards so that she wouldn’t feel ‘sayang’ to sell it one day. My late mum loved gold but more towards jewellery. Back then, gold was like RM60/g and now, nearly 20 years later it is roughly RM334/g. My sister sold one of mum’s necklaces for our younger brother’s wedding last year and the amount they received was so many times more than how much mom initially bought back then. So, gold is definitely something you want to sit on long term.

My sister has a diverse savings portfolio. Her main aim is to save up enough for her children’s education fund. Nowadays there’s a lot of talk going around education quota in secondary school. There is plenty of government assistance for those in the B40 group as opposed to those earning an income qualifying them for the M40 and T20 groups. So much so that some people from the latter groups, including myself are expressing disdain over the discrimination one faces when they manage to climb up the social ladder.

Kadang2 macam – what is the point of getting an education and a good job with a decent income – only to find that you are not worthy of the same chances in life. Eventhough I am a T20, unlike the T20s in the tiers of individuals like CTDK, Dato Aliff Syukri and all – we don’t send our children to private schools. I still send my kids to public schools. Even so, I would still want an opportunity for my kids to thrive in their studies in centres of educational excellence like SBP and MRSM. Simply because we know these are affordable yet competitive places to study. But society is somehow making suggestions that all M40 and T20s should send their children to private schools of which all of them – cost like a bomb. Some have teaching curriculums that we parents are just not affiliated with. I suppose what the M40 and T20 want is also the chance for their kids to study in places like SBP and MRSM which can assist them to greater heights.

I am not saying that we should revoke the B40 privileges because they do need this extra assistance. After all, quotas helped me back then as a Bumiputera child raised in an M40 threshold.

It’s just that shouldn’t the educational ministry think of a plan to improve the system – so much so that even non-MRSM or SBP schools are equally top-tiered to produce quality students in preparation for life. We want public high schools to be prestigious and free from social problems like delinquency, bullying and substance abuse so that parents do not have concerns when their kids are funnelled to these feeder schools. We want an education system akin to Finland where every child could thrive despite their social background.

Imagine the power of Dajal if you believe the Z now

Posted in Current Events by

One would think that the Americans are the saviour of the world. That is how it is played out in espionage movies or the Marvels. A long time ago, I asked my husband, “What did the Russians feel when they are always the bad guys in movies?” He said, they just laughed. He was a student in Volgograd at the time. Well.. thank god the Russians have humour in them. If Malaysians were painted as villains in any movie, you’d have Bawang Rangers crashing down social media in one day. The same goes for the Indonesians.

Perhaps the ultimate villain is the United States after all. They knew they had the power of Veto and were comfortable using it to overrule the call for a ceasefire in Gaza. Even the ‘villains’ from Russia or North Korea, if we are to base their characters on movies, know that there is a limit to atrocities especially when they are waged against children. The United States doesn’t.

There was a video circulating about how a Zionist preacher was saying that the kids must be killed. It is a now-or-never situation because 10 years later, the kids will grow up and come after them. This is the same thing that Firaun did in his time, and it was a story told in the Quran when he ordered that all the babies in his kingdom be killed because there was a premonition that one day a saviour would be born from a particular tribe. With Allah’s will, one baby survived and was even raised in Firaun’s own home. He was Musa (Moses).

This story is a consolation to the souls that cry for the lives of the children who were massacred in this Palestinian war. No matter how great a human being thinks he is, there is always Allah, a divine entity that will unleash His power when the time comes. Allah could instruct mosquitos to kill the Namrud army – showcasing there is no limit to what divine intervention can do and that UN is useless.

The challenges in raising children

Posted in Ponderings & Personal Development by

When parenting techniques and goals are not in line – that poses a challenge in itself. The best type of parenting is Authoritative Parenting. The least favourite are the Authoritarian, Permissive and Neglectful type.

One of the questions us parents got during the UKM Pintar interview was

What are the challenges in nurturing our son?

My husband had a long pause. I’ve already got a list in my head but I had to be careful with what I choose to say as it may affect his chances to enter the institution. I said something about his lack of possessing street-smart skills. My son is undeniably good in math-like logical thinking, solving sequence problems and such but he falls short of the ability to solve OTHER worldly problems. Just the other day I brought him to a recycling bin near LOTUS. It took a while for him to figure out how to open the bin. He kept looking back at me, giving me the eye that signals for my help. I stayed put in my car and told him to find a solution. Once he did, he struggled a bit to open it because it was a bit heavy but not too heavy for a 12 year old. I know. He just needed to put in some muscle strength to it. I thought he would give it another go but he stopped and just stood there. Waiting for me to rescue. I REFUSED TO HELP HIM. Instead, I told him to try again. After much trying, he finally managed to get the bin to open.

This is not the first time he exhibited this sort of behaviour. When he was a toddler, around the age of 4, his paternal grandfather placed some cushions in his walking pathway, wanting him to find a way to pass through the cushions. Instead of climbing the cushion or finding spaces in between to walk through the obstruction – he stopped in his path and just stared at the cushion. He went back the way he came and did not even explore the cushions in front of him. That was when I knew that with my son – if he is to survive the streets – he needs to be taught on every single, nitty gritty ways of living.

Like knowing when to throw the trash, wiping the dinner table, keeping a clean desk, hanging his clothes to dry, folding the socks, washing his shoes, BRUSHING HIS TEETH! Then, as parents – there is a need to mould some sort of emotional intelligence or empathy in his interactions with other people. Despite living in a Melakan environment – all this sort of ‘gurau kasar’ talk is not going to be beneficial for him. He should not talk like a Melakan adult. He should not think that attending school programmes and helping teachers is a waste of time. He should not use the word Keling even if that is what the elders before us use in their conversations with their friends. While to them it is more of a descriptive word for a person – society nowadays see that as racist.

Kids with high IQ have been known to have low EQ. Rarely do we see those who could have both. If your child is one of those who have both – good for you but don’t say that the statement is not true. high IQ kids with low EQ, if they are not nurtured appropriately will grow up to become arrogant, narcissistic adults who thinks they are always right without an ounce of thought and guilt towards other people.