Tag Archives: death
Visiting my brother
I made a quick visit to my brother today because I saw an IKEA advert a few weeks ago.
The IKEA advert was about a mother-son duo who went shopping together at IKEA. The son was planning to move into his new home, just around the corner and bought new furniture for the house. Throughout the video, the son is depicted as a child running adult errands. This goes to show that children will always be children in their parent’s eyes no matter how old they are.
My brother is in his early 30s and lives alone, an hour and 40 minutes from where I stay. While he is independent in knowing how to pay his house bills and such, there was something in the IKEA advert that prompted me to pay him a visit.
Moms are said to be the life of a home. When my mom died, a lot of people’s attention was towards my father. They were concerned about how he would fend for himself every day knowing that the daughters live far away tending to their own family, the youngest son also has his own family to look after. Leaving this single brother who unfortunately is not on good terms with my father. They were able to be civil to each other when Mom was still alive. However, once she died all the remaining grace was out of the door.
My brother moved out. My dad was not bothered. In short, they were fending for themselves once Mom was gone. Now that my father is in a relationship with our prospective step-mother, it left me wondering about my brother. If my mom could call from the grave, she’d probably be asking if he is doing well. If he is eating. If he is lonely. Because moms usually take care of those things for their sons when they used to live together. No matter how much they’ve grown.
It also got me thinking, if one day me and my husband are not around, will my kids look after each other as they embrace adulthood with all the responsibilities at hand? I would love to think that they would but it’s something that would slip our minds if we don’t ponder on it enough. If all siblings take care of each other, no one would have to be homeless or end up alone on the streets. I would hate for it to happen to our family.
So for my ‘wellness visit’ to my brother’s house, I decided to bring him some home-cooked meals. It took me just about 2 hours to get everything done. I made him spaghetti bolognese, shepherd’s pie, baked macaroni cheese, rice with potato sambal, fried rice, burgers, grapes, fruit salad and a potato salad. I even bought him a 1-litre carton of Bright Cow milk because I wanted him to try something new. The theme is pretty much Western for now.
He was well, alhamdulilah. The house was clean. Probably because my sister gave him a heads-up. He admitted that he vacuumed and mopped the house just before we arrived. He even put Sponge Bob on the TV for my daughter to watch. Something kid’s friendly, he said. My visit to his home was short. But I am thinking of making this a routine visit every 2 or 3 months. So that he knows that even mom is not here anymore, we siblings are still here for him and care for him just like mom used to.
Siti Sarah Raissuddin
Al-Fatihah
She is a Malaysian celebrity. One of the best vocalists in the country. I like to believe that Siti Sarah Raissuddin has achieved husnul khatimah. A good ending to her life. A syahidah. Amidst the news of her death however, crackheads are passing off unpleasant comments like ‘she died because she was put to sleep by the doctors’.
I wonder if these people have ever sat beside a dying person – it’s painful to watch. What more for the dying person.
If I could have my way, I would want my mother to be put to sleep during her last hours. Sedate her, give her more morphine. Anything! However, sedation and assisted ventilation was not an option for her because her prognosis was guarded. Administering a drug, especially with anti-conscious properties, without proper indication may be misconstrued as euthanasia. Hence, us siblings could only watch helplessly as mom’s breathing becomes more laboured, gasping for air. I could only hope that her hypoxic state would further reduce her consciousness, so she would not be aware of how tired and painful she is. And that whatever’s left of her is on autopilot mode, where the body (without the mind) is just doing what it can to stay alive.
The pain is such that she was on her lateral side most of the time as she tried her best to breath, until it came to a point when she was ‘ready’. Just like that, she turned into a supine position, took a few deep, long gasps of air and heaved her last one. As sad as I was at the time, I was relieved that the pain was over for her. She can now rest in peace.
A friend sent me this article to help me in my grief. Perhaps it could help you too.
The Last Office
Seniah Part 1
I actually posted this on Facebook. It will be in 3 parts but on second thought, I will share the parts here, in this blog instead of Facebook. My friends would know where to find me (here) if they are keen to know.
Namanya Seniah. Dia Mummy saya.
31 July 1959 – 7 July 2021
This will be in 3 parts. If you can read this, that means you are on my FB list. Means that you prolly have an idea of the type of person I am. Jenis yang sedih pun boleh tgk benda tu mcm kelakar. Tapi benda yang hadap sendiri la.. kita tak ketawakan kisah sedih kehidupan orang lain yer..
PART ONE : Watak bernama Seniah that I call as Mummy. Macam cerita orang2 kaya kat Tv3. Tapi tak kaya sgt.
The memories of myself with my mummy are mostly stored under the HUMOUR tab. She is pretty, smart and a great problem solver in almost always, an amusing way. Maybe sebab tu even though I experience a sad event, still boleh nampak event tu OK dan kelakar. 
She was a very extroverted personShe speaks her mind. Perhaps that is a strong reason as to why I turned out as an introvert. Cause the mummy always speaks for you. Kalau kau itam, memang dia akan panggil kau itam. Generasi skrang mungkin akan cakap dia hina ciri2 fizikal orang tersebut, tapi untuk dia, dan mungkin generasi dia, itu je cara yang obvious untuk describe someone. Dan mereka yang di zamannya mungkin tak tau pun prejudis, diskriminasi dan stereotype tu apa. So forgive them but we should know better not to repeat the same innocent mistake.
Contoh;Mummy, mok berik sapa duit tok?[ mom, who am I giving this money to?]
Ya.. Si Dalan.. Nya botak juak di kedey ya.. Tapi paling itam[to Dalan, he is also bald in that shop but dark skinned]
To my siblings Norashikin Mustapha, Matin Mustapha and @Danial Mustapha who are wondering nok ne Dalan tok, sekda urang nama ya.. contoh jak..
She was adventurous and always willing to try new things.
She baked a cake from scratch for my birthday party at upland and decorated it with neon-like green and pink icing. I felt like a star!!Once she enrolled in her hairdressing class, she quickly put it to practice. We were abu Bakar Ellah for a month. I think Dora’s creators were also inspired by our haircut and decided to make it come to life decades later.
She sews our uniforms for schools. That is like jimat perbelanjaan already. I told her I wanted pockets for my baju kurung. She said no problem. The next day, I woke up with Doraemon pockets sewn on the side of the baju kurung. Wah.. Baju melayu hybrid. My friends were jealous cause I could fit so many things in there.
She loves Cosway products too – we get to try some nice and not so nice things. I am grateful that my mom makes me try milk. If not my growth spurt would be just as high as tesco nyer troli
She likes to bring us with her to experience interesting things
Like her weekly cooking class. These ladies make all the nicest stuff and make the children who were tagging along eat it. Makcik2ni suap, kita makan je lah kan.
Her driving sessions were also great. The instructor and mom in front. Me and my sister at the back seat. Sometimes it feels like an F1 race as we go around the corner. Nasib tak muntah. Angol palak jak. If she was an actress, she’d probably land a part in Tokyo Drift.
She is the face of many characters – even a superhero.
Eventhough she did not receive a formal tertiary education, she was able to teach English. She is that smart. Like Sang Kancil. Using Peter and Jane books. She would buy the book one by one with the very limited money she had at the time until it becomes a complete set. Now my siblings can speak English like a Londoner. Wows. Salute my brothers and sister. I still spell ‘Snake Bite’ as ‘Snack bite’ on my prescription.
Once a salesman came knocking on the door. Dad was not home. We were relaxing in the living room watching tv with the door open, grill closed. Zaman tu, salesman berani sikit. Jenis yang sukati bukak pagar and ketuk pintu rumah. Salesman tu dah terpacak kat pintu tu, nasiblah everyone is like berbaju. Cuma mummy tengah terbaring relax atas sofa. Mummy senang je, dia malas nak layan, dia cakap dia orang gaji, tuan rumah takde.. Pastu tutup pintu. Wow.. Orang gaji apa tu baring2 kat sofa. Ha ha ha.
She is also a culinary chef. If we say a particular sauce or dish at a restaurant is sedap.. Her answer will be’mmmph.. Mummy molah lagik nayaman.. ‘[ I make it better]Merasalah jadi tester cuisine dia nak buat tu.. Amazingly , most of the time akan jadi. So talented this lady!!
Once, my friends Azah Adam and Fizatul Basri were staying with me during Year 4 of medical school. Sebab kena buat attachment at Putrajaya hospital. The only car we had at the time was a Suzuki, kalau tak silap. It was an old car and one day, it broke down. Di tengah2 rush hour kat traffic light!!! Who do we call? Mummy of course. Within a few minutes, we saw a strange tree floating towards us. It was her. Tgh bawak dahan kayu nak letak atas kereta untuk bagitau kat org lain
‘ budak2 ni kan… Kereta rosak.. Pastu tak tau nak buat apa..duduk je dalam kereta teww’
She is a disciplinarian.
No boyfriends in school. Tiba2 gambar bf darjah 3, kevin tan hock siew, dah takde. Weekdays no TV. Masa makan, MAKAN, jangan baca buku cerita,
“Kelak mummy gantung book ya rah geruk ktk!!” [i will hang that book at your neck] Takut tak.. ?
Masa tu takut, skrang rasa mcm kelakar.
She cannot tolerate us sleeping in too long or doing mindless things in our room. She will conduct a spot check. She would open the door like a SWAT member without the guns. PANGGG.. pintu terbukak luas! Boleh mimpi buruk dibuatnya tiga hari berturut2.
She was a woman with a big heart. A giver.
She is so generous that sometimes she fall for scams. Some harmless, some not. Yet, it does not stop her from always being the one yang hulur dulu or sponsor something. She loves giving gifts. Especially to her children. Sampai ke kita dah beranak pinak pun camtuh. Takde occasion apa. Tetiba je dapat buku. Tetiba je dapat gelang. Telekung. Baju. Dapat cadar. Dapat beg. Sometimes the most random things. Klip rambut. If she had lived in Melaka, agaknya dia tetiba datang kat rumah and letak dalam my peti ais sayur bayam 1-2 ikat.
Above all, she is a social butterfly. Mesra alam. And a kind one too.
Sometimes, from our perspective as children, a bit too trusting of strangers. Very bold. But that is how she is. Pernah sekali, ktorg gi kedai. Tetiba dia nampak NASH. Wahhh.. korang ingat dia ada nak tgk diam2? Takde ok… dia terus “Nashhhhh..”
wah.. gugok jantung kita nengar. sik tauk sine mok tapok muka. pastu tegur sapa macam dah kenal lama. Even within her last few weeks, she was still able to make friends with those who are hospitalized like her. Sharing with them their joy and the burden of the sorrow. Some of her friends, being people we have never met in person but always speaks nicely of her. In fact, after her burial, my siblings were saying there was an accumulation of just over 1000 unanswered messages and phone calls on her phone. That’s a lot of love.
I am sure my brothers and sister, relatives and some of my friends have memories of her too. How could you forget Seniah kan, and aren’t those memories wonderful?
[gambar sebelum dunia kenal apa itu covid – my mum is the one in that pink purple jubah]
Minci Moss 