Umrah 2025 – a short reflection

If you have the means, if you feel lost and weary, go for Umrah.

If you have the means, if you feel overwhelmed by the demands of duniyaa, go for Umrah.

Had I known the positive implications of doing Umrah, I would have made an overzealous effort to make the trip possible earlier. Even then, I believe that regardless of how much time one has and how financially affordable it is to some people, if Allah does not will for it to happen, it will still not happen. So Alhamdulilah, I feel blessed that I can perform Umrah this year.

The Invite

The famous narrative among Malay Muslims about an individual being able to perform Umrah is that ‘Allah dah jemput’. Meaning Allah has invited you. Often, I hear people making comments that it is this sacred invite that eases the process of coming to Mekah. To me, it came with a strong urge of ‘I want to go Mekah’. Never mind the endless Mastika* stories about sinners being punished in front of the Kaabah or of how Allah pays cash for bad behaviour or intent. My perception is that while it is good to take heed of other people’s experience there, it is still a personal pilgrimage with intentions known between him/her and Allah. No one experience is the same. I believe that we should not think of Allah wanting to punish us for our previous sins during Umrah. Rather, take it as an invitation out of love. He does not want us to stray too far from the Islamic teachings, and He wants to forgive us and continue to bless us in this holy journey and after.

[*Mastika is a popular Malaysian magazine that tells stories of how people who do bad things are punished in various ways when they are dying. I believe it has been discontinued for several years now].

Mekah

The holy city was everything like I had imagined. A city that hosts the ibadat of Muslims from various countries, ethnicities and socio-economic backgrounds. To some muslims, this is probably their 10th Umrah in their lifetime. To some, like myself, this could be our first Umrah. While I may not be draining my personal savings with this Umrah trip, other pilgrims may have sold their belongings to make this journey. The objective is the same: to worship Allah.

The keepers of the holy city know that. Hence, they accommodate the differences. They guide. They show the way. They made sure that the place is well-kept and clean at all times. They keep order in a place where millions of people come from all around the world. In Mekah, the first language is Arabic. Hence, the soldiers, the cleaners and most pilgrims will speak to you in Arabic. However, do not let that worry you, especially for English speakers. Somehow, you will get to understand the ‘well intentions’ and ‘kindness’ of people despite the language barrier.

My daughter was a frequent recipient of kindness. She would get sweets and candy from people of all ages. They were handed out as gifts to children so they’ll be happy and enjoy their visits to the mosque. There is no issue of allergies or ‘I don’t give my kids sugar treats’. You just accept the token graciously, only to deal with anything concerning it later. It is because matters like this are seen as something small since the benevolent act weighs heavier in the eyes of Allah. Similarly, the difference one observes in Islamic practices between the mazhabs here is viewed as normal. Somehow, it is fine to be slightly different in how you place your hands on the body after the takbiratul ihram because everyone ultimately worships Allah.

It is interesting how when you place yourself in a devout environment like Mekah or Madinah, you are automatically drawn into doing good deeds and high-quality ibadats. The rukuk and sujuds are slower. The surah you choose to recite is longer. The workload, assignments at the desk or business ventures at home somehow sit further down the priority list. Though dissociating completely from worldly matters can be challenging, the burden of it does seem small compared to your ibadat. Somehow, all the problems I experienced back home seemed so petty and actually solvable once you reach Mekah. That all the pending task back home is just another task that brings in salary for your living, having now a better understanding and confidence that ALLAH is the one who gives you sustenance. So, there is no need to rush through namaz. Or be reckless with life. Instead, perform more solat, fast, recite zikir and make doa more when given a chance to do so. I felt nourished spiritually. I am motivated to continue this motivational streak back home.

Physically, I felt so energised too. I did have a minor cold towards the end when I left Madinah. However, when in Mekah doing Umrah, all my headache, back pain and body tightness seems to find relief and loosen up with time. Maybe it was the Zamzam working its magic. I did read that it has an alkaline pH, rich in magnesium and calcium. Thus, explains the relief for muscle soreness. I had a lot of Zamzam water there since it is readily available at the masjid. We even bought it home via the Saudi consent given to pilgrims, whereby each passport holder can buy 5L of Zamzam for 12.5 SR, and it is not included in the baggage allowance. I was also walking a lot as compared to my sedentary life back home.

InsyaAllah I will share more about my Umrah in a subsequent post. For this trip, we actually went to Cairo first before to Mekah/Madinah. So that is a whole lot of story to tell in a few weeks to come. Look out for the hashtag!

Strong at work, struggling inside

I consider myself competent and resilient when it comes to work. I may not be the most knowledgeable person, but I do know when to consult and ask for help. Especially when managing clinical cases that are slightly beyond my scope. Thus, at most times, I can clear my list of patients at a reasonably quick pace because I know what I’m doing. However, the volume and complexities of the cases that come through the door are becoming so overwhelming.

This left me feeling very exhausted. Mentally. Manifesting in physical weariness and mood disturbances. It has come to the extent that I am overthinking whether I have lupus or bipolar disease.

Lupus because I have rash on my cheeks, lethargy, myalgia and unexplained arthralgia. It is so noticeable because I have never experienced these symptoms concurrently before. My late mother did have asthma, but I never had any personal atopy history, not to mention eczema. Only acne. Strangely enough, the eczema flare-ups have been happening every fortnight or so with no specific trigger. The joint pains are worse. It is most palpable at the neck, shoulders and my toes. Not even my back or hips. However, the muscle ache is, of course, most prominent in my back near the scapula region. Specifically, mid-thoracic in between the shoulder blades.

Now, why the sudden bipolar?

Because I am caught between the feelings of ‘I might as well die’ (without suicidal ideation) and the reckless impulses of ‘I will book a ticket to Jakarta and stay there over the weekend’. Sometimes it’s not the feeling of wanting to die but just wanting to disappear. There were several occasions for the past few years that I remembered being in such a low that I wanted to drive off somewhere, leave my car by the road and just walk into the woods unnoticed. Like maybe at one of those jalan kampung. Or park my car near the petrol station and just walk away, sort of thing. Or keep enough cash and just walk out of the house to go somewhere while paying everything in cash to avoid any digital trail. Then there were highly energetic moments when I would feel like I want to do full Training of Trainers (TOT) sessions at the clinic, publish a paper, learn 3 foreign languages at one time, revive my Youtube channel and such.

So where am I at right now, mood-wise? Stable. Nothing overly grandiose. Nothing too mellow either.

The lupus theory. The bipolar or cyclothymia? Of course, I am putting this down to healthy stress. I keep telling myself that I will keep a diary on this and see if there is an emerging pattern. I never did. I should seriously make an attempt to document these episodes and see if there are any contributing factors.

November babies celebrating at KJAYA BBQ, IOI City Mall

My brother Matin shares the birthday month with my daughter. This year, we are celebrating at KJAYA BBQ located at IOI City Mall. I reserved a table through their WhatsApp number for 10 adults and 3 children. Children under 100cm eat for free, while those less than 130cm are given a children’s price. I paid a deposit of RM200 to secure the reservation. Most importantly, it is certified as HALAL.

I opted for the All You Can Eat 8 Meat BBQ Set. Adults eat at RM59 and kids at RM29. We were not big eaters. The portion was more than enough. We did not even refill our meat as they were a lot. The rice, kimchi soup, iced green tea drink, sauce and side dishes can be replenished as much as we like. The ice cream and chicken wings were served only once. But like I said, we couldn’t handle it. Thankfully, we are allowed to tapau.

There is also a family BBQ Set, a la carte meals and fried snacks.

I’d really want to try the Japchae and Jja Jang Myun next time. Maybe the Kimchi fried rice too, and see if I could recreate the same dish at home. The chicken wings that came with our set were delicious.

My daughter gets a free mini Oreo bingsu (worth RM11) with a birthday song. She was elated but slightly at a loss on how to respond to the birthday treat. The bingsu was delicious. To be honest, we did not ask for a treat. It was offered by them.

Passing the baton in the diabetes portfolio

I have been managing the NCD portfolio —specifically Diabetes, Hypertension (and Asthma) — for at least 4 years now. With my retirement plan in place, I think it is time to gradually withdraw myself from high impact responsibilities.

The Diabetes Day celebration is held annually. This year, my colleague, Ashiqin, is taking the reins. She did the paperwork, organised meetings and delegated tasks. She is a ball of sunshine radiating enthusiasm everywhere. I am glad that everything went well. I can now pass over the baton in 2026.

Next in line, the HIV portfolio.