Tag Archives: parenting

Pusat PERMATA Pintar Negara UKM – the journey ends here for my firstborn

Posted in Parenting, Family and Relationships by

[Update – We received a call 3 days before the registration date. Our son was offered to further his studies here. He was so thrilled and accepted the offer. I will be using the hashtag EE at Permata to document his life there]

Pusat Permata UKM is an educational institution with an intellectual program designed to groom students with exceptionally high IQ scores to their best potential. Before this program came about, these students could secure a place in elite boarding schools and were normally acknowledged as the creme of the creme in the country. This program was the brainchild of Rosmah Mansor, the infamous wife of Datuk Seri Najib Razak, former PM of Malaysia who was embroiled in several money-related controversies. I have to admit this is a great programme for students who could benefit from an alternative arm of our educational pathway.

Screening Process

Every primary school would encourage their students to sit for these exams. There are a few parts of the screening process. UKM1, UKM2, Program Penggayaan Cuti Sekolah (PPCS) and UKM3. UKM1 and UKM2 consisted of questions they answered on the computer. I gather that UKM1 has patterns to solve whereas UKM2 are general knowledge questions. It is best to refrain from helping your kids to answer these questions if we trust in their abilities. Once your child passes UKM2, both the child and parents will be notified of the next stage through email.

That would be the online interview. It is a 30-minute session that involves the parents in the 1st half and the child in the second half. It is carried out in both BM and English. It is a great session for the assessors to know the child’s background, personality, strengths and weaknesses. I honestly just answered what I think of my son because I know that if I lie – it is going to eventually show during the PPCS week. So I feel that his weaknesses should be known early so that they can be evaluated, monitored and addressed accordingly. If he fits what UKM is looking for – InsyaAllah there will be a place for him. If not, it is okay because as of now he is already expected to enrol in a secondary school under the ‘High Performance School’ category. These HPS schools tend to have allocated incentives and autonomy regarding financial management, curriculum design, human resources including student selection etc. Hence, for my son to be selected by the school is already a positive sign that his future remains bright (InsyaAllah) on the path of studying in a daily school.

So, opportunities are everywhere as long as we support his journey as parents.

PPCS

… is short for Program Penggayaan Cuti Sekolah. Kids are shuttled to their respective camps. Our son’s place was at Seremban. The kids will stay there for 2 weeks. Apart from attending their designated courses, the kids would also have the opportunity to learn how to manage themselves in the dormitory.

My son was enrolled in the CSI course. He said they taught him a lot of interesting things in matters of solving crimes etc. He also thought that the instructors and assistants were very knowledgeable and most importantly, endearing. It was also nice to hear positive feedback from his tutors about his demeanour at school. He was reported to be very mature for his age, plays by the rules and is not inclined towards finding fault with his friends. I am thrilled that he was able to make friends with kids of other ethnicities. I feel that is why I feel very strongly about wanting him to further his studies there. To mix with non-Malays and to improve on his English prowess.

UKM 3 assessment was conducted during PPCS and it was an important determinant that decided whether Ee is intellectually apt for the courses he is due to take during his stay there.

Unfortunately, despite the glowing reviews from his tutors – he did not make the mark. Which ends his journey for Pusat Permata Genius. It took some form of consoling him that his 2 weeks at PPCS was not a waste of time. And that he should be proud and take on a different perspective of what he could learn from the experience. After all, he did do things that were out of his comfort zone such as participating in Zapin and Ngajat dance.

Having said that, as a mother, I feel he still needs to work on being resilient. That, and emotional intelligence – especially in teenage boys. Because once they grow up as adults with low levels of EQ, despite being really smart, they become a pain. They hurt your feelings, a lot. They cannot read the room.

Congratulations to the anak2 who made it to the 2024 academic year

What’s next?

He was offered a place in a boarding school near home. I am not a fan of this institute and prefer that he stays in this daily school in town for reasons of wanting him to mingle with students outside his ethnicity. However, realizing my own cognitive and socioeconomic limitations on how best to guide a child with high intellectual capacity – I feel that boarding school is perhaps the next best thing that we could lead him to. I just hope his English abilities will be improved accordingly. The exposure to multiethnicity could come later as long as the nationalists/radicals don’t reach out to him first. I would hate for that to happen.

The challenges in raising children

Posted in Ponderings & Personal Development by

When parenting techniques and goals are not in line – that poses a challenge in itself. The best type of parenting is Authoritative Parenting. The least favourite are the Authoritarian, Permissive and Neglectful type.

One of the questions us parents got during the UKM Pintar interview was

What are the challenges in nurturing our son?

My husband had a long pause. I’ve already got a list in my head but I had to be careful with what I choose to say as it may affect his chances to enter the institution. I said something about his lack of possessing street-smart skills. My son is undeniably good in math-like logical thinking, solving sequence problems and such but he falls short of the ability to solve OTHER worldly problems. Just the other day I brought him to a recycling bin near LOTUS. It took a while for him to figure out how to open the bin. He kept looking back at me, giving me the eye that signals for my help. I stayed put in my car and told him to find a solution. Once he did, he struggled a bit to open it because it was a bit heavy but not too heavy for a 12 year old. I know. He just needed to put in some muscle strength to it. I thought he would give it another go but he stopped and just stood there. Waiting for me to rescue. I REFUSED TO HELP HIM. Instead, I told him to try again. After much trying, he finally managed to get the bin to open.

This is not the first time he exhibited this sort of behaviour. When he was a toddler, around the age of 4, his paternal grandfather placed some cushions in his walking pathway, wanting him to find a way to pass through the cushions. Instead of climbing the cushion or finding spaces in between to walk through the obstruction – he stopped in his path and just stared at the cushion. He went back the way he came and did not even explore the cushions in front of him. That was when I knew that with my son – if he is to survive the streets – he needs to be taught on every single, nitty gritty ways of living.

Like knowing when to throw the trash, wiping the dinner table, keeping a clean desk, hanging his clothes to dry, folding the socks, washing his shoes, BRUSHING HIS TEETH! Then, as parents – there is a need to mould some sort of emotional intelligence or empathy in his interactions with other people. Despite living in a Melakan environment – all this sort of ‘gurau kasar’ talk is not going to be beneficial for him. He should not talk like a Melakan adult. He should not think that attending school programmes and helping teachers is a waste of time. He should not use the word Keling even if that is what the elders before us use in their conversations with their friends. While to them it is more of a descriptive word for a person – society nowadays see that as racist.

Kids with high IQ have been known to have low EQ. Rarely do we see those who could have both. If your child is one of those who have both – good for you but don’t say that the statement is not true. high IQ kids with low EQ, if they are not nurtured appropriately will grow up to become arrogant, narcissistic adults who thinks they are always right without an ounce of thought and guilt towards other people.

Son dropped water on my study table

Posted in Parenting, Family and Relationships by

It was partly my fault. I left a glass half full with water on my table the night before. Unfortunately, it was knocked over by my 9 year old son as he wanted to read his Doraemon comic at my table for light. What followed afterwards was an observation of how there were parts of parenting I could improve to nurture my son into a better person.

When the glass was knocked over, the first thing he did was put the glass back upright (fair enough) but just stood there and watched the water continue to flood the table, with my laptop and books still on it, then continued to watch water trickle down the table.

I had to intervene. I removed the essentials from the wet area and instructed him to get a cloth to wipe it all. He ran out of the room and made me wonder, where the heck is he going? Turned out he went to the kitchen to take the only rag he knew of in the house that could wipe water. That small rag you put at the sink to wipe down the table after every meal. I gave him a look and took a different cloth and wiped the mess. Grumbling at the same time and sent him to the living room.

After the experience, I reflected on the situation a bit. It was a simple scenario of mishap but why is it that my son couldn’t solve the problem? It could be due to ;

  • he has never been in such situation before
  • even if he has, perhaps the scenario was a bit different and he was unable to use the knowledge that he knows, tweak it a bit to suit the current situation. Something we call creative thinking? Or is it logical thinking?

He knew basically that if water spills, you take a cloth and wipe it clean. And the only cloth he knows that could do the job is the one by the kitchen sink. He was limited to that pathway of wiping the spill and that option of cloth/rag in the house. He had no idea that if you spill water on a table with important things, you need to remove those things away. He had no idea that he could just use the kain batik and shawl I have hanging on the chair to contain the area and wipe it off. Even if he still wanted to use the kitchen cloth, he could have picked a bigger on than the cinonet one to wipe the mess.

It got me to somehow think of other problems in life and how people solve them. Sometimes an issue needs only a simple solution and yet a few make it so complicated. In a way, I was drawn to something that happened at work recently.

Due to Covid19, a lot of daily work practices have to be adapted to a new norm. For example in ways of conducting a meeting or course in the form of webinars. To attend a webinar meeting for an hour or so at the workplace is fine as you would resume your tasks at work after. What I don’t understand is why a one-day webinar that requires the presence of only one participant needs to be held in the clinic premise as well. Why can’t we take it as attending a one day course ( it is after all a one day course – online form) and allow the participant to take the course at the comfort of their own home using their own residential data connection. Webinar meeting for 1 hour is less excruciating than an 8 hour webinar course. If the superior worries of the subordinates playing truant or not paying attention, the subordinate could actually do the same at the workplace. Infact, even during physical online course, the organizer cannot guarantee that participants are paying full attention to it.

It also got me thinking about the less fortunate members of the society and the words of our former Education Minister, Dr Maszlee. Him saying that some people are only capable to think and solve their issues at a certain level because that is the only way they know how. They were not taught to think better nor shown on the options they have in life. Very few are able to think creatively and critically but more often they can’t. It’s like some people, they just know that begging brings them money. They are unaware that they could apply for benefits from JKM to buffer their circumstances for the time being.

Anyway, after my son had his morning shower we sat down and went through the situation again. I asked him first on what he should do if the water spills? After he answered, I proceeded to add on other ideas to clean up the mess like moving important things away, using nearby resources etc.

Things like this taught me that what seems logical and easy to you may not appear the same to other people because we are not wired the same way. Parenting is never easy as we are not just raising and preparing another human being for the world but also learning about ourselves and figuring out how we could be better ourselves.

Sometimes I forget that I’m a MOM…

Posted in Everyday Life, Parenting, Family and Relationships, Ponderings & Personal Development by

.. which is daunting because having the MOTHER title is a huge responsibility.

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When I was young, I was fed with the universal idea that “Syurga di bawah telapak kaki ibu”. That it would be a big sin to go against the words and wills of a mother. Mulut mak masin. Meaning that whatever our mothers say – things tend to come true. So as children we become wary of these special powers a mom has.

And now I am a MOM. And sometimes I forget that now I am important to my kids. That my words and du’a , InsyaAllah will count and come true. Eventhough I still have girlish screams when I watch a chick flick or grin foolishly if Syafiq Kyle was to suddenly stop by at my clinic for a consultation for his fever. Gitew. 

I have to actively remind myself to say good things about my children. To wish happy things for them. To be careful of my words for they are all prayers to Allah. Sabar (patience) needs to be a virtue so I will not have a slip of tongue and say ‘bodoh’, ‘babi’ or any vulgar connotations of that sort towards them.

I have to make a conscious feeling or intention everyday that I love my family. I am thankful for their presence and that I will try my best to keep this amanah. For I worry, if I say the wrong things my children would turn out to be what I pray for through my words – even if I do not mean it.

Let me tell you a story.

Once, there was a lady working at a hospital as a clinical staff, who had a child of which upon birth suffered from hypoxic brain injury. Subsequently, the child would occasionally have seizures but he managed to grow up as a young man in his late teens , with learning problems due to those medical conditions. His seizures are so bad at times that he requires multiple visits to Casualty only to be discharged later at his parents own risk.

One day, he had another seizure. He must have ruffled a few feathers with his mom, the clinical staff, earlier that day because when she knew he was in Casualty – she vent out loud probably due to exhaustion or desperation – “another fit? Gosh.. can’t you just let me breath once in a while?”. Then, she used this one word which she probably regret even thinking about it later on – The exact word was ‘menyusahkan’. [burden]

Anyway, the teen was observed at Casualty and since the parents requested a discharge at own risk – he was allowed home with advice. His mother continued with her work while her husband brought the teen back home. After all, this was just another one of those seizure episodes. However, a few hours later – the hospital received a frantic phone call from the father saying that the teen was unconscious in the house. An ambulance was dispatched to their residence. The teen unfortunately, was pronounced dead by the attending paramedic.

The mother? Who actually did not meant what she said.. as you can imagine.. was howling and crying uncontrollably. She did not mean for her son to be taken back by Allah and now she has all the time in the world ‘to breath’. And that her son is not her burden anymore. So powerful is the du’a of us Moms that if we are not careful with our tongue, badan akan binasa. 

That will forever be one of the stories that taught me to always guard my tongue and use it for kind words, useful knowledge and good lessons. InsyaAllah.. 

Its not just a comic book

Posted in Everyday Life, Parenting, Family and Relationships by

Initially, I wanted Ee to read REAL books. Like I did when I was his age. I had the whole penyiasatan Salma series on the shelf. I bought lots and lots of Enid Blyton with my pocket money. I read the encyclopedia for kids on repeat. Comics, apart from Doraemon was not really my first choice.

Hence I was a bit disappointed when Ee dislikes reading Peter and Jane but prefers Boboiboy Galaxy Comic instead. I was desperate for him to learn English. To speak English. To dream in English. But it was not happening.

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However, I then realized that if I put his comic books in a positive light – there are some perks after all.

  1. He is Reading. Unlike most kids his age who has strong affinity towards gadgets and online games, he still loves the traditional way to play. With robots, figurines and cars. He role play with these toys and interestingly the dialogues came from the comics he read. I also have to mention that when he reads, he reads the comics aloud. At first, the tone is monotonous. But with subsequent reading sessions, it got more animated as he uses different pitches for each characters. I thought that was a wonderful achievement.
  2. He is sharpening his skills. Once he enjoys the stories, he began to explore other parts of the comic. Such as the Fan Art segment. Where fans send in their drawings to the comic book company to win prizes and be featured. And now he wants to be a part of it too, and is practicing on his drawing skills. it’s still ugly but he is working on it. 
  3. He learns how to save and spend money. With a sprinkle of patience which could hopefully teach him a thing or two about delayed gratification. Each of these hard cover comic book retails at RM 19.90. That’s a long way to go for kids.

The NILAM reading programme at his school is also helpful in cultivating the habit to read. Basically, a student is required to make a record in the NILAM book after finishing any form of reading material (including comics). The student with the highest number of books read will be rewarded at the end of the year.

I have not given up yet. I am letting Ee read his comic books under supervision (lol) as I revise my strategy to get him read real books. Gambattene!