October tragedy – a month of divorce

Since celebrities are inevitably in the spotlight as part of their career demands, Malaysian netizens have been reading about their divorce cases almost on a daily basis. So much so that memes begin to crop up to the extent of degrading the lady divorcee. Words like ‘mari semua, semakin ramai janda untuk dihalalkan‘ seems like a poke of fun when in fact, no one would ever know the harm it has brought to their emotions and their family. Especially when children are involved.

Some celebrities and bloggers have even tied the knot for more than 15 years and still decided to call it an end. Either way, there must be a good reason for it. I mean, no one wants a divorce because there is too much at stake. Perhaps their Sabar has gone up to its max that no amount of reconciliatory effort is able to fix the broken marriage.

As outsiders reading about this news on the feed, it is easy to be influenced by such ‘trends’ as the divorced beings would cough up reasons such as ‘self-worth’, ‘self-happiness’ and ‘forever is a long time’. While it is empowering to create your own happiness, sometimes you need to step back and look at other empowering examples around you where they fight for their marriage behind the cameras.

Where husbands lower their egos and wives lower their tones. This may not happen all the time but it is the imperfections of the marriage that keep us occupied to mend it, upgrade it focus on it for the rest of our lives. All happens in ordinary living circumstances where the houses are not aesthetic, you don’t wear couple outfits and the meals are not always nutritious. A situation where the working lady of the house makes or buys meals for family dinners. The working man trying to get DIY done but never fully completed. Or in cases where an elderly wife dutifully serves her husband and the husband returns the favour by putting empty dishes in the sink with no attempts to wash them. Followed by the husband bringing home snacks while the wife nags about its horrible taste endlessly until the next morning.

And yet the marriage holds up and the couple stays together.

Orang kata, “kalau hidup berpaksikan artist, influencer, selebriti.. maka itulah kehidupan sama yang kita akan ikut dan jalani. Maka kenalah pandai memilih apa yang kita hendak ikut “

A life centred around public figures often places more emphasis on appearances and external success, which may not align with our personal values or goals. This can create pressure to maintain a certain image, even if it doesn’t truly reflect who we are. However, if we can take inspiration from public figures without losing our own core values and principles, it can be a positive motivation to achieve our own life aspirations.

The Everly Putrajaya Hotel – meeting my prospective stepmother

My dad is driving me nuts with his holier-than-thou attitude. I am trying my best to not snap back at him like any respectful daughter should be. So is news about Fattah Amin. How do I stop reading about him on my feed? It has started to become so irritating to see the public putting him on a moral pedestal.

On a different note, my dad introduced us to his girlfriend a few weeks ago. We had tea together at Secret Recipe, Alamanda Mall. Our prospective stepmother is from Acheh, Indonesia. They were introduced to each other via a mutual friend. She comes across as a lovely lady, a single mother who single-handedly raised 2 children for the past 10 years since she divorced. She earns a decent income working in administration to support her living expenses.

On the day, we exchanged pleasantries. My younger sister and my niece joined us too. Throughout the meeting, I couldn’t help wondering why is it of all the ladies that my dad could have met, he decided to go for a relationship that crosses international borders. To be honest, I have some concerns about how my dad plans to navigate his life as an elderly, married man with 2 stepchildren later on. However, I think it is something that we will address later on. We ended the session amicably and parted ways.

Although the meeting was short, I took the opportunity to bring my husband and daughter together with me to Putrajaya. I booked a room at The Everly Putrajaya Hotel. This time hoping for a better experience than the one we had before. Indeed, it is much better now. The hotel and Alamanda Mall are so close that I could walk there. We had dinner at Sepiring that night out of curiosity. Mr Husband had his nasi lemak pandan and my daughter went for curry noodles. I had the kid’s menu mac and cheese. We had a really rested night afterwards.

The Deluxe room
Dinner at Sepiring

The Deluxe Twin Room was priced at RM 299.92 per night. Breakfast was included for 2 adults. I had to pay extra for my daughter. There’s a mini fridge and we get two key cards. I love that the hotel is putting in an effort to become more sustainable by serving their drinking water in glass bottles. Which could be refilled from a water station near the elevator.

The hotel lobby was quirky yet welcoming. The aroma of coffee from its cafe was so enticing. The check-in process was incredibly fast. So are the lifts despite the high volume of visitors using it during the peak hours of checking-in.

Breakfast was satisfactory. Nothing very memorable or nasty either. However, I do have to mention that they have a huge selection of pastries to choose from. The seating arrangements felt a bit crowded though. The space from one table to another is quite narrow. Just enough for a pair of buttcheeks to walk by. The coffee dispensed by the machine tasted horrible. Even instant coffee sachets were better.

This hotel is convenient to choose if say I wanted to go to Alamanda Mall for a mini staycation. Although the mall is not that huge as compared to IOI City Mall, the shops there are still OK for families to go to and enjoy their weekends. Sadly, the GSC cinema has closed down. So the only thing that can keep you entertained is yourself with your family. Ha ha ha.

Parking is free. Just hand in your touch-n-go card to the reception.

Breaking into pieces

I had a moment of realisation the other day. Of how the body can separate itself from our mind when it is under intense stress. Even without us knowing it. I consider myself a relatively independent and resilient person. Often, I can control my emotions and remain focused on my task until the recent event.

It was a normal working day. Only that I had concurrent ear infection which was treated with oral antibiotics. Otherwise, the pain is bearable although I would choose to attend patients that does not require any auscultation in their physical examination since my ears hurt when using the stethoscope.

As I was seeing a patient, I felt a surge of uneasiness. I would describe it as like walking on air, the type of feeling one gets after having a bad on-call and still have to work regular hours the next day. I did not think much of it until the agitation began to get worse. My fingers were also getting extremely cold. The peripheral vasoconstriction was so bad that my hands were almost cramping, making it difficult to type and hold objects.

Amidst the agitation and restlessness, I looked for an oximeter and upon placing it on my index finger, it read a Spo2 of 98% but a heart rate of 136. I knew I had to get myself checked at our clinic’s emergency area because I was concerned about two things. It is either I would blackout suddenly or experience more debilitating symptoms that point toward a stroke or a thyroid storm.

Upon reaching the emergency, I asked a medical assistant colleague to check my vital signs. I was already feeling slightly light-headed with numbness over my fingers. My breathing seems a bit laboured with ant-like crawling sensations on my face.

The first BP reading was >200/100 with a heart rate (HR) of>100
I was advised to rest before they repeated my second measurement which is >150/110 with an HR >110

What happened next was astonishingly out of my control as a composed medical professional. I remembered curling my body into an almost fetal position in the chair with a clenched fist while letting out an agonizing groan. This then progressed into a whimper before escalating into a full wailing sound at the ER. I was crying uncontrollably for no reason I could think of.

It must have startled everyone for the doors were immediately closed shut and female medical staff were called to assist in the situation. I could hear them asking me to take deep, long breaths but as much as I want to, it was so difficult to shut down the sympathetic response in override mode. I can listen and think to myself to ‘remain calm’ but my body is acting otherwise. It was a very surreal moment.

My chest felt tight. I could not breathe. My limbs felt stiff and cold. The sympathetic response was short-lived as afterwards I was able to make a normal conversation with my superior as she explored on what happened. I was told to complete my antibiotics course diligently and given medical leave for the day.

While resting at home, I tried to make sense of what happened. I felt broken into pieces.

  • Maybe I was actually under a lot of (bottled-up) stress factors. Although my mind was not acknowledging it, the physiological changes might have surpassed its threshold and become exhausted resulting in that physical breakdown.
  • My father-in-law died just last week and yet I am already at work after one day of bereavement leave because I felt obliged to do my on-call duties. I may not shed tears but his absence was palpable.
  • I was sleep deprived. There were a few days when I really could not sleep until 4am. I thought it was the caffeine effect from ZUS’s Jasmine Cham Latte but for it to linger until a few days was too much. although I did not feel too tired the next day, it could mess up my cortisol and other stress-related hormones.
  • I had a lot of things to juggle too. I tend to be busy with my Diabetes and HIV programme towards the end of the year. I admit I have been brainstorming a lot on the types of activities I’d like to do on top of my usual workload and my report write-up for my Final Year Project.

I hope I won’t be caught up in the same situation again. That means I need to do some troubleshooting on my part.

  • Take on fewer responsibilities. Stop volunteering. Stop pleasing people.
  • Delegate more.
  • Use my annual leave more. I get 30 days every year. I usually have a lot of leaves rolled over into the following year because I rarely use them. I do not take MC that often either. In fact, my first MC of the year is the one I just had during that meltdown. Regarding my annual leave, despite putting aside a range of 5 to 10 days leave for my GCR, I tend to have at least another 10 days to use in the new year. Even now, in October I have a remaining 28 days to use till December. So Minci, use that leave.
  • Eat better
  • Drink more water
  • Share problems with understanding colleagues and trustable friends. Or sister.

That should do it for now.
This experience was not only a wakeup call for me but it also made me understand why hysteria happens and why some people are driven to commit suicide. Sometimes the body just takes over when your mind gets too exhausted.

Read, in the name of Allah

I am happy that my daughter could read. She knows her numbers and alphabets. And she can read the Quran.

My father-in-law passed away recently from the complications of his kidney problems. It was an anticipated death as we knew that his condition had deteriorated and that his prognosis was grave. It was only a matter of time before he succumbed to his illness. He died on a Wednesday evening at 625pm in his own home in the presence of his family members.

We called the ambulance and requested a paramedic to come and confirm his death. A police report was made and the necessary rituals were in order. His death was open-heartedly accepted. His grandchildren also understood that their grandfather was not with them anymore.

While waiting for the Jemaah from the masjid to come, my daughter picked up a Yasin booklet and began to read. It was comforting to see her focus on the words and recite the Yasin independently on the chair. I was beside her reading my Yasin but I could hear every single word being read and it was accurate. Her ability to read not only allows her to learn new knowledge but also portrays comfort to the adults as a 6-year-old kid. She is also doing her bit to help her grandfather go through the Afterlife in the realms of Barzakh.

Indeed kids that read are such a blessing.

Kids enjoying their staycation

My son came back home for the school holidays just a week ago. While I was in Kuching attending a wedding, Mr Husband brought the kids to KL for a staycation. They stayed at Silka Maytower.

The kids enjoyed the pool and they sent me pictures of their adventures at KLCC and Ikea Cheras. Most importantly my son had a wonderful sleep throughout the school holidays. So much so that he missed handing in one of his assignments that carried 6 marks. I was obviously crossed. I had to remind him to finish his coursework before putting his head on the pillow. He is like his father, mata ayam. Easily dozes off when the day becomes dark. He learned his lesson.

I noticed that he is getting taller at an impressive speed. Despite not taking his meals regularly because he prefers to charge his social battery more, he seems to be having growth spurts. Again, I have to tell him to at least take one main meal during the day and at best all main meals. He usually skips dinner but he will have a heartful lunch. I dislike the idea of him having too many snacks in the dorm. His father keeps buying him those packet drinks which are full of sugar as well. I get him Bright Cow milk instead for his skin, teeth and bones. I just hope he drinks it.

He is picking up badminton as his sports choice in the evening. I did not see that coming. He never seemed like he enjoyed it before. Come to think of it, we’ve never exposed it to him. With us, he has only known chess, scrabble and ping-pong. He did join the sepak takraw club at school but they haven’t been practicing much. So his interest waned.

We paid him a short visit today as we were coming back to Melaka from Putrajaya. He was alone in the dorm because his dorm mates are from Seremban, so they tend to sleep in their own homes during the weekend. This leaves him as the only one in that room of 3 students to participate in the gotong royong where they clean their rooms every week. Seems a little unfair but it’s already towards the end of the year to be raising this issue. Plus, I think that it’s good that he gets his movement on the weekend. Maybe if they reshuffle next year (do they?), he would have roommates who could keep him company over the weekend. Anyway, the flu bug has caught up with him as well. He has been having shivers and sniffles. Mr Husband bought him some paracetamol and cough syrup. As usual, the motherly advice is to shower regularly, brush your teeth, wash your face, eat regular meals and drink lots of plain water.

Looking forward to bringing him back in another 2 weeks for his outing bermalam.