Tag Archives: love and relationship

Be my guest

Posted in Everyday Life, Parenting, Family and Relationships by

Hosting comes naturally for some people. Someone could give a heads up within 15 minutes and the house is ready to welcome them. I do not have the confidence to do that yet. I need at least a week’s notice.

Anyway, my sister came for a short visit recently. So I called her over for lunch. I prepared nasi lemak with sambal bunga kantan, shepherd’s pie and a mini fruit tower. She brought doughnut brownies over. Her family was planning to check into Amverton Heritage at Ayer Keroh. There’s a waterpark in the resort.

I used bunga kantan from my garden for the sambal. I really liked its tangy taste and basically cooked up a sambal based on what I read from recipes online. I had no time to fry chicken so I prepared some nuggets and hard-boiled eggs as protein for the nasi lemak. I lack the nuts and ikan bilis though.

My fruit tower was made up of baby pineapples and strawberries. I wanted to indulge my nephew and niece with nice fruits. If only I had durian.

As for the shepherd pie, I used minced meat from the brand Saudi, ready-made sauce from Leggo and chopped in some carrots for texture. I think I did the mash on top pretty well this time. Placed it in the oven for 20 minutes at 200 degrees just before my sister came.

This is what my sister brought. A cute doughnut brownie box. The brownie was a bit hard but the sprinkles made it edible.

They only spent about 90 minutes at my place as they had to get going. I did realize that there are certain mannerisms that I need to teach my children when it comes to receiving guests at home.

  • when a visitor comes, regardless if you know them or not, they must come out of their rooms and pay respect. meaning salam. Do not wait for me to scream and beckon them out of their rooms.
  • if these guests have children, they should not stay in their room. Instead, to try and entertain these children, pique their interest and go along with it.

I cannot manage adult behaviour but at least I can teach the kids.

7 July

Al-Fatihah to my mother, Seniah binti Omar – whose love and sacrifices have been taken for granted by the people around her.

Reminiscing back on what she had to go through as a newlywed, a wife and a mother with no asset in her name nor an income – she could have lived better. But she persevered. As kids back then, all we could do was watch because we had no idea how we could have helped.

Perhaps death was the best escape.

Although she succumbed to her illness due to post-COVID complications, I wished other people had taken her place. Not her. She went too soon.

The Elderly Couple

Posted in All in a days work, Ponderings & Personal Development by

This was a story from my colleague.

It was about an elderly couple in their 60s. They have 4 children throughout their marriage. The husband was saying that his wife was too emotional. My colleague explored further regarding the problem. The wife’s concern stemmed from the feeling of being neglected – his husband was always on the phone. She is a housewife and their children have all grown up, the youngest being 20. She had no close friends and is living far from her family. The husband enjoys scrolling social media, chatting on Whatsapp and tracking his cryptocurrency investments.

Why does this remind me of my parents?

Mom was a housewife with grown-up children. Compared to this lady, Mom could drive and she had money to spend. She did not receive much allowance from her husband (only RM400/month to cover household expenses and herself) but she did get a good amount from me and my sister. Even then, when my brothers started working, this meagre amount of RM400 was nearly halved by the husband on the grounds that there were only 2 of them in the house and that they don’t spend much. I was flabbergasted and thankfully, the KEDEKUT plan was not implemented. Seriouslah.. dgn bini sendiri pun nak kedekut.

Wives don’t ask for much. They just want attention. A kind word. A nice response. An unexpected gift and all. The elderly lady earlier just wanted her husband to eat dinner with her properly without glancing at the phone. Or bring her out for breakfast. A walk at the shopping mall, maybe? He is a pensioner with a lot of time in the world, spend time sikit dengan bini tak boleh?

My mom’s husband was kind of doing the same thing. Always on the phone. When Mom was alive, he preferred working instead of enjoying quiet time with his wife. Now when Mom’s dead, boleh lak suka duduk kat rumah.

I have a feeling that Mom felt neglected due to her spouse thinking that she wouldn’t be able to carry a conversation with him. Conversations about his work, the ministers, politics, Datuk here and there – which explains why his choice of female acquaintance nowadays (since he’s a widow), are ladies that speaks fluent English, with money.. – those women in heels and modern attire. Perhaps marriages of older times were about conveniences. To chase a timeline? To beat the biological clock?

TAWAR HATI

The good thing is the elderly lady that came to my colleague is not tawar hati. She still cries and cares about her husband. She still takes note what her husband thinks about her and all. My mom was already tawar hati. Which is why she began to seek her own happiness. Malays say mencari kebahagiaan sendiri. Going to religious classes, go shopping etc. Her tawar hati has reached a level that if her husband died, she wouldn’t shed a tear. The thing is Allah has His own plans – He invited my mom to Barzakh first.

Perhaps there is good in this after all. And now we siblings are left to attend to her husband’s antiques.

As for the elderly couple, the wife was referred to the counsellor for further exploration of her issues. I hope all ends well for them.

Otto

Posted in Ponderings & Personal Development by

There is this part in the movie that I liked. When Otto was asked about the type of books his wife Sonya used to read, he replied “Her books. I am just not into reading”. But he did build bookcases for Sonya because that was what she liked. He made a kitchen that was suitable for her height. She constructed a lot of stuff around the house.

I once read that although Opposites Attract, the spark will only last a certain amount of time. While you may be intrigued and excited in the beginning to discover and accommodate your differences, there will come a time when there has to be some sort of basic and common understanding between one another. There must at least be a parenting style you guys agree on, a family ritual you hold on to, the social circle you introduce to one another.

Barulah ‘persefahaman’ renews itself and binds the relationship together.
If not, after 10 or 15 years, it is just going to be one of those ‘tak sehaluan, tiada rasa kasih dan sayang antara kita’. Even 10 children could not save the marriage. In the end, you’d just pray that one of you dies first and the one left behind gets to move on how their heart had desired all this while.

Finding a supportive partner is scarce nowadays. My sister told me about her friend a few months ago. Her friend was doing a food business from home selling a dish that she cooks very well and that her friends loved. Once she collected the order, she prepared the meals, did the packing and the delivery herself. Her husband saw her little project but did not once lift a finger to help. He was not even willing to watch over the little kids as his wife was trying to get things done in the kitchen. The wife was puzzled and disappointed with his attitude. She was still able to confront her husband about it and demanded some enlightenment about his behaviour.

His answer was astonishingly simple and UNIVERSAL. Universal meaning THIS WAS NOT THE FIRST TIME I’VE HEARD OF MEN GIVING THIS SAME REASON. It was also the same answer a fellow blogger received from her partner when she was doing a passion project. It goes something like this.

” I do not see the point of putting sweat and labour into this project of yours. You are not getting much out of it. There is no monetary gain out of this apart from the tiredness that comes from it. It is a useless project”.

Well sir/ss, you may have overlooked the part that it was a labour out of love and that it was something that your wife/partner was very happy to get herself involved in. So for people like this, I would usually pray on their behalf that this husband/partner be met with circumstances in the future that will make them think about what they’ve said to their wives/ partner.

This also made me understand why some people choose to confide with other people outside the family. It starts with confiding, it ends with a romantic relationship. Nowadays when I look elderly looking people in a relationship, who are a bit too lovey-dovey, it is almost certain that it is their second or late marriage. Cause ‘original partners’ do not behave like that. If they do, that is one of the most rare form of marriage relationship ever to happen in Malaysia.

Labour of love

Posted in Everyday Life by

I have been to my dad’s house every fortnight to get the house ready for my youngest brother’s bride. My sister and I have been busy sorting out our late mom’s belongings – reuse, recycle or just throw them in the trash. There’s a lot of stuff considering that it was the house we have lived in for at least since we were teenagers. It took us at least 2 different weekends to get that done.

This week we are painting the walls of the guest room. It will be converted into the bridal room. At least until they move into their own humble abode. The room has always been a striking blue and lime green. Now we are going for a pastel colour. After that is done, we can start decorating.

My sister couldn’t help me with the walls today. She has a compulsory PTA meeting. Nor is the future groom, as he was working. So, that meant it was just me doing it. My job for the day was to paint the wall with the sealer. It was tough considering that I am a pretty petite person. I managed the feat in less than 3 hours cause I had to rest and drink water in between. I also bought some wall decor from Mr Diy. Hoping that it will help to cover the cracks and all. So I don’t have a revealing picture of the room yet. It is still a work in progress.

I did realize that painting the wall is hard work. My proximal arm is just aching right now. We should appreciate the good work our contractors are doing for the wall. I think all parts of my body hurt. I tried to relieve it with a massage on the chair but it still doesn’t feel rested. My eyes and neck are also tired from the drive. Perhaps I should turn in early tonight.

All this tiredness. Doing it for free. Maybe this why it is called labour of love.