Category Archives: Ponderings & Personal Development
A future with an unknown expiry date
When I was younger, I could easily picture my future. I imagined myself as an adult with a stable job, earning good money. I could even dream of getting married and having children. Back then, the idea of growing up felt exciting and natural.
Now that I’m older, something has changed. I struggle to see myself as an elderly person, let alone as a grandmother. My mind refuses to project my life beyond a certain point, as though my journey will somehow end before then. It’s not that I feel hopeless—I’m actually content with my life as it is. Sure, things could be better, but overall, I’m grateful for what I have.
Still, I sometimes catch myself thinking about death. Not in the sense of taking my own life, but rather in the form of an illness, an accident, or even a natural disaster. It makes me wonder—does this count as a suicidal thought? After all, the idea still revolves around leaving this world, even if it’s not by choice.
Perhaps it’s just a peculiar way my mind processes the unknown. Maybe I’m not alone in feeling this way. Do others also find it hard to picture themselves growing old? Or is it just me?
Unseen Blessings
As a mark of respect, I approached my superior a few months ago to request a particular leave. I wanted to go to Umrah. Knowingly, the date my husband chose for Umrah fell during the Chinese New Year holidays. I was aware that my Chinese colleagues would be taking leave during that time but I thought if I could negotiate in the sense that I would give up my Raya holidays instead, I could go for the Umrah during CNY.
My superior however suggested that I choose a different date instead.
The reason is, it is not about CNY leaves but it is about how much manpower is left to run the clinic with our colleagues going off for the festive season. After relaying the matter to my husband, him being him, decided to proceed with the booking for himself and my son, Ee. Haneem will stay behind to accompany me. Thus, I consoled myself into thinking that ‘Allah belum jemput. Nanti ada rezeki lagi‘.
After a few months, today, I discovered that 2 non-CNY celebrating colleagues had their leaves approved by my superior in addition to those who are celebrating. On the same date that I have requested a few months ago.
I am not going to lie. I felt slighted. I was numb for a while but I still completed my task at work. At the same time, I tried to justify the decision and it came to this. Maybe my request was not approved because my plan was to stretch it out for at least a week after CNY. After all, performing Umrah takes some time. As opposed to my colleagues who are probably on leave for only that one Friday to enjoy a longer weekend.
Yes, maybe that’s the reason why. Sounds just.
Now my hope lies in the ASB Simpan dan Menang contest. If I don’t withdraw my ASB dividend and manage to save RM5K/month till March, I might have a chance to go for Free Umrah. Ha ha ha ha. In the end, I reminded myself that everything happens for a reason, and perhaps this delay is part of a greater plan yet to unfold.
Divorce going public
When I first came across the news of Cik Epal’s upcoming divorce from her ex-husband, I was taken aback. Cik Epal and Jofliam were often seen as the ultimate power couple in the blogging world. Cik Epal had already made her mark long before Instagram and TikTok became popular, standing out as one of the top bloggers of her era, back when blog-hopping was all the rage. As a reader, I’ve always associated the couple with their luxurious and somewhat open lifestyle. However, this just goes to show that, as outsiders, we can never truly know what goes on behind closed doors.
Earlier, in Fazura’s situation (another public figure), it gives off an impression of neglect, possibly due to her extroverted nature and independent outlook on life. It almost feels like her partner may have forgotten to shower her with the affection and care she deserves as the love of his life. Regarding the nafkah issue, I understand where she’s coming from. While her husband may have fulfilled the obligatory nafkah by providing shelter and food, she seems to long for more thoughtful gestures, like receiving pocket money. Although it’s not mandatory, any wife would surely appreciate the “princess treatment,” especially from a man who earns well through his movies and business ventures. I know I certainly did whenever I received the occasional, unexpected duit raya.
In Cik Epal’s case, I was appalled to learn that the situation involved an extramarital affair between her partner and a co-worker. However, another thought crossed my mind. The next woman in his life would have some big shoes to fill, especially if he still wanted to remain in the spotlight. Cik Epal has been building her brand since her youth, and no amount of fame on Instagram or TikTok could rival the loyal fanbase she cultivated through her blog. In fact, we, her readers, accepted her husband largely because he was Cik Epal’s husband—not because of his own social media presence. Even now, Cik Epal continues to thrive, bolstered by a network of peers within the industry.
When it comes to public figures like Fazura and Cik Epal, divorce often becomes a highly scrutinized affair, especially when children are involved. Beyond the emotional toll, the situation can get increasingly complicated as decisions about custody, co-parenting, and the children’s well-being come into play. The messiness isn’t just about dividing assets or managing public perception—it’s also about ensuring that the kids are shielded from unnecessary drama. For individuals like Fazura and Cik Epal, who have built strong personal brands, navigating these challenges under the public eye adds another layer of pressure. At the heart of it all, however, is the hope that both parents can rise above the differences for the sake of their children, ensuring their needs and emotional security come first.
Finding Joy in Simplicity
Whenever you reach a stage in your life where money can buy you anything your heart desires, learn to live below your means. So that you will be able to appreciate life and experience happiness in the simplest things.
A few months ago, I had a realization: choosing to spend money lavishly (which I don’t necessarily do) might lead to a lifelong cycle of chasing dopamine highs. For instance, if dining at Secret Recipe becomes just an ordinary meal, the urge to seek out even more upscale restaurants arises when celebrating or wanting a more special experience. Many people my age likely remember a time when KFC was considered a luxury, a treat for special occasions. These days, for most, KFC is simply a convenient way to fill their stomachs, disconnected from the joy of shared moments with loved ones. It’s no longer the rare indulgence or meaningful family experience it once was.
This cycle of seeking greater thrills or pleasure can also explain why some individuals turn to drugs. When everyday activities lose their charm and no longer bring happiness, people may resort to extreme measures to feel something. Or anything. Much like how the joy of simple treats like KFC fades when they become routine, the fulfilment from ordinary joys diminishes, driving some to pursue more intense experiences. Over time, this pursuit can rob them of the ability to find joy in the simple, meaningful aspects of life.
Thus, I’ve made a conscious effort to simplify my lifestyle. I’ve toned down on online shopping, resisting the urge to constantly seek excitement through new purchases. Instead, I’ve focused on cooking more at home, rediscovering the joy and satisfaction of preparing meals for myself and my family. These small but intentional changes have not only helped me save money but also brought a sense of fulfilment that no extravagant splurge could replace. It’s a reminder that happiness often lies in the simple, deliberate moments we create for ourselves.
Minci Moss 